Seems to me you are doing fine, since you have decided to tackle head on the issue by meeting a sexual therapist. S/he will probably be much more competent and have better information than us on what's exactly going on with your mind/body.

The best we can do here is provide our limited experiences to illuminate yours, and perhaps make some suggestions. But you have already done my best suggestion, which is to go see a doctor.

Your complexes are simply the complications arising from this issue that you are not managing to solve over the years. It's blocking your life, and trouble accumulates. So probably if you solve the initial problem the rest will fall into place (unless your ancillary problems have become so robust that they gain a life of their own, but that is a different issue).

>the first insertion has always been hurting me during sexual intercourse, which is sort of a turnoff, or maybe this is where it all started from

Yep, I also think this is the origin of the problem. The issue may be infectious, mechanical or emotional, but that's basically the problem.

Maybe you were never properly sexually initiated, and then never came to terms with it (insertion). I remember that it took me more than six months to have normal sex with a girl who was virgin, simply because of these fears of insertion issues. It was not a mechanical problem, because even during the first times when she was very aroused she would have no problems with insertion, but during months she would just be afraid of it and close up. The only solution was to be patient and go at it slowly and gradually. In the end she got more and more used to it and the problem subsided. But it really took a looooong time to get there ^_^