OP here
Another thing, it's aggravating how I'm always left out of conversations. No matter how they begin, even if they're with people I know relatively well, I'm always the outcast even there. I won't accept that it's something wrong with me. Only someone abominable could consistently reject people like this and so the human race is that abomination. There are other times when I'll be perfectly content with someone and we'll be talking like good friends then as soon as one of the other friends shows up, well I'm out. Or when I'm with friends I'm usually ignored period and people only say something to me to assuage their guilty consciences so they don't feel like they leave me out. But that type of cowardice pisses me off more. If you really don't like me that much, stop pussing out and say something.
Truth is I do feel somewhat responsible myself since sometimes I act cold due to all the times I've been burned but there are other times when I genuinely have little to talk about since I have a nigh nonexistent social life but then again shouldn't people just be able to strike up a conversation out of nothing? It's becoming something of a self-fulfilling prophecy in which I'm terrified of social situations simply because I don't want to strike up something good then for something out of nowhere, accidental or intentional, to go ahead and take it all away. Sometimes I respond to their friendly advances and it feels like I'm lifted up just to throw me down. It really hurts when I misinterpret things and I wonder at what got away.
I hate it and the only alternative seems to become the biggest douche out there. Done it before and while it does hurt at what you do become, at the same time it feels good shitting on those people who are just betrayers in waiting, to put them in the same position as I'm in, to get underneath their skin. But I can't live like that. Just too dehumanizing.
Really while I did appear somewhat bitter at the conclusion of my first post, I'm really desperate as to some kind of answer to solve all this. Anyone?