I like to be alone. I don't like to have to deal with other people, particularly their social games. I don't want to have to impress anyone or change myself to impress someone.
99% of the time I could not be happier when I'm alone. I can do what I want when I want and can spend all of my resources on myself. I don't have to deal with other peoples' shit.
1% of the time I'm so miserable when I'm alone that I just want to die on the spot. What's worse, the misery of this 1% is so much more potent than the happiness of the other 99%. When I'm like this I think that I should act like someone I'm not so as to get a girlfriend alleviate the misery of this 1% of the time. Obviously this conflicts with my desire to be alone and it confuses me to feel such a way.
What does this mean? I'm not asking for advice on how to change because I don't want to. I just want to have other peoples' opinions on this phenomenon.
It means what you think it means: there is a chunk of your needs in life that are not fulfilled, and this causes you pain. Your best option would be to identify those needs in order to know what to do about them. What is this 1% about? Do you crave for friendship, companionship, love, tenderness, sex?
Well, I like to isolate myself to, but there's sometime when I don't want to be alone. If you're comfortable of being alone, you should change the 1% misery into happiness too. Think of anything that will add up to the happiness.
I completely agree with you that you shouldn't change the way you are just because people think so. Be bold, and be yourself. Don't let others pick the path of your life.
>>2
I suppose it's a craving for tenderness and non-sexual affection. I have no desire to engage in any sexual behaviors.
This 1% almost always occurs right before I go to bed. It can also occur when I see two people in a relationship who are visibly happy with each other. I guess this is jealousy.
You'll probably recommend that I go out and meet people, perhaps look for a girlfriend, but I don't want to. I tried this before and I didn't like the person I had to pretend to be in order to socialize.
Furthermore, if I like to be alone, how can I possibly solve the problem of this 1%-of-the-time?
The thing is, don't change that 1% you are gonna have to change some of that 99%. Some say it's balance, dunno. But the best way to find companionship or a girl/boyfriend, is to meet as many people possible or parties etc. Here comes the dilemma,do you sacrifice yourself or jeapordize your own partial happiness for something that might not even happen, or you could atleast have said :" i tried".
>>4 seems to me really hard for an adult to have tenderness at bedtime without being somehow involved in a sentimental relationship.
The other option that comes to mind are one night stands, but these mostly involve sexuality, so it's also not optimal.
The only realistic option I see for you is to post and ad for a hug-friend/lover, where you stipulate that you are looking for someone with whom to share tenderness but no sexual relationships. If the site/newspaper/whatever where you post your ad has enough traffic, you might find someone interested. People with more difficult demands had luck with this method.
>>5
I did try this, as I stated in >>4. I didn't like forcing myself to be a person I'm not just to socialize.
I become physically and mentally drained when in social situations for more than 30 minutes or so, and all I can think about is going to sleep and being alone again.
>>6
I suppose I can try a dating website for asexuals, though I don't know how two loners, or one loner (myself) and a non-loner could possibly have a viable relationship with each other.
> I suppose I can try a dating website for asexuals, though I don't know how two loners, or one loner (myself) and a non-loner could possibly have a viable relationship with each other.
Well,... you'll need to try in order to find out. Let us know how it works out. But the fact that you exist already suggests that someone with the same or compatible needs/interests might also exist.
1.
Do you really feel that you can be a loner 100% of the time? It's just not really doable. There may be some exceptions to this, but most people just can't manage it.
2.
What 8 said is true.
I can be the same way as you, man. I'm just younger, and it seems to effect me less.
And what do you mean a "viable relationship"? It would work between two loners at least. Definitely more so than with a non-loner. That person would know where you're coming from.
It all depends on what you want from them, what they want from you, what they make you feel, and what you make them feel.
If there is mutual, genuine attraction, it would work. Since neither of you are likely the least bit clingy, save for on special occasions, I don't see why either of you would have a problem leaving the other alone. The only problem might be if wither of you succumb to social expectation, stemming from one of you or from external forces.
Not to attack you or anything, but it sounds a lot like you're trying to make yourself believe you're happy being alone. I used to do something similar.
ITT WE KICK THEM WHEN THEY'RE DOWN TO MAKE OURSELVES BELIEVE WE'RE SUPERIOR
>>10 oh god it's one of those "i can't be alone" types. GTFO, TRAITOR.
>>10 i'm alone and happy. It exists. Sure i have friends, but i rather spend my days alone. Hookers satisfy my sexual urges. Emotionally i could never connect with other people, nor do i have the patience to listen to their typical social problems.
am i convincing myself that being alone makes me happy? Of course, i think, i am happy, therefore it must be.
>>13 i think he's just joking, silly kid.
>>14 lol, i like your respond^^
I feel as though 1% of the time I would like a girlfriend as well. This singular desire only occurs when I feel worthless, which is when I feel stupid. 99% of the time I am happily engaged in a book or with music or something completely disconnected from the present. Often I dote over fictional women to alleviate the pain. It helps mildly. Sleep helps as well.
>>16
Sounds like escapism to me.
Could be a cover for a deeper problem of yours, but I'll have to say that seeing the state of the world we live in, why not.
>>17 everything is escapism. Love too, it's just another tool to blurr reality. Like you said, why not.
Being alone... sometimes greed and selfishness doesn't seem to be the capital sin it is being raved about, eh?
I absolutely despise how people dictate how I should live. Naggings, reprimands, fuck it all.
>>18
Indeed.
>>17
I have lots of, er, "problems". Or, so you'd think. To myself I'm rather normal, albeit a tad eccentric. Damn, I was going to quote a somewhat long passage written by the mathematician David Hilbert that explained something or other in the way of burying oneself in research and forgetting for a time the decrepit grossness of life, couldn't find it though.
>>1
God, you sound like my sister.
I think it's not that you're happier alone and wouldn't be able to deal with a girlfriend. I think it's more that you need to find the right kind of friends/girlfriend, and you just haven't yet. The kind of people you can be yourself around, won't have to impress, and won't play games with you. I don't think it even counts as real friendship/love otherwise.
That 99% of the time you're involved in escapism, busy, or doing hobbies you like. That other 1% is when you're not doing anything else, so your mind's on it.
I'm the same way. I used to think more like you, thinking I was fine or better off without people, but whenever I was around them or not busy I wanted to connect. The I noticed it wasn't that I didn't need people, but rather that I just didn't feel like exhausting myself to constantly be around them. I want someone with whom I can have comfortable silences with... rather than having to work hard to avoid "awkward" silences.
Advice? If you were in my area, female, and not ugly, I wouldn't mind being with you during that 1%. Heck, it would help with my 1%, so we would be helping each other. That just shows you that people who share your interests/feel the same way exist. You can either look for someone similar near you (it's hard, I still haven't found anyone yet), or make yourself so busy that 1% doesn't exist.