Family Matter 2 (cont.) (10)

1 Name: Sadface : 2008-12-09 01:02 ID:v4B1CA6o

When I discovered this, my love for my grandad got even bigger. But what use is it now, he's dead. I'll never be able to look at him with pride and honor now. I should've known all this stuff back at the time he was alive.
But my parents decided to hide this all from me until very recently.
The worst though, is how my mother discovered my Aunt's disease. Since my grandad was hiding it, she only discovered when the situation got pretty bad.
Aparently, as my mother told me one week ago, my Aunt begun developing violence towards my grandad when she had crisis.
When I figured out my Aunt beat up my grandad something inside me twisted. I know it's a psychological disease. Technically it's not her fault. It's my granddad's fault for trying to hide it.
Only when she begun hitting him he finally withdrawed, and gathered the courage to tell my parents.
Then my aunt begun taking proper medication to control her state.
My grandad took every crisis from My aunt for love. Always thinking "She's my daughter, she doesn't hate me, it's a disease. She won't do it again".
This isn't the right way of an old man to live or die!
He lived his last years with this. He lived years and years hearing my aunt's heels forward and backwards her bedroom and the kitchen at night. My aunt couldn't stay quiet at night, and she kept walking to the kitchen every 10 minutes.
This saddens me so much, and infuriates me so much at the same time.
I can't look at her without feeling deep anger for her. But at the same time I can't really hate her, although I want to, because she's my family, and she's sick.
Everytime now that I grab the Bandolim to play, I feel sad for not knowing this sooner, and because my granddad died the way he did. He had an heart attack on his late 80's, while sleeping. It was somehow peaceful death, but not his life before it came.
Now I know why he was so sad, but never let people really know why.Everytime I think about it or I cry, or I get angry.
And the other day my sister came to me while I was playing the Bandolim and told me I shouldn't have take the isntrument out of the countryhouse.
What could've I do? Let it rot into dust there?
I took my grandad's old instrument that he never managed to learn, so I could learn myself and use it proudly as a sign of love towards him, and my sister calls me a thief.
GOD this injustice is too much to bear. Sometimes I dunno why life is so unfair to decent people like my grandfather. It's too late now, anyway.
Wish he was here.
Wish someone would share this pain, but I think my brothers don't really know the full story, and my mother has long forgotten it, since she knew this before me and has stepped over it, since she's very strong and all.
But I can't. I dunno how much time it'll take me to get over this.
I'm afraid that in the next college band practice I'll start crying out of nowhere, and I won't be able to tell anyone why.

2 Name: Anonymous : 2008-12-09 07:42 ID:qBla5MlO

I read it.
I just don't know what to tell back.
I do feel sorrowful, though.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2008-12-09 19:58 ID:DEcUrzI1

I guess you are brazilian? And the english name of the instrument is "mandolin". Why don't you write tunes on your grandfather story? you have great material.

It's sad for your grandfather, but your aunt needed medical help, not secrecy and shame. Her plight might have lessened with appropriate help. Don't hate your aunt, she's a victim, and needs help and love, even if she cannot reward the help and love she gets. Your grandfather understood that much, you should also.

Honestly, writing and singing your feelings seems to me the best way to digest the whole thing. E guarde o bandolim do seu avĂ´ bem vivo ^_^

4 Name: Anonymous : 2008-12-09 22:34 ID:Hd1PR80g

Oi... affe sorry but it needs to be said, that, you might not know the full story either. Mental problems develop for reasons, maybe your grandfather tried to hide it, because, he thought he was responsible for it?

5 Name: Sadface : 2008-12-10 17:19 ID:XEoayn3a

>3 Why don't you write tunes on your grandfather story

That's a lovely idea. It'll be a great way of showing how I loved him.
Obrigada pelo apoio

>4 he thought he was responsible for it?

I think that's very unlikely. This kind of mental disease isn't developed by other's people fault.

6 Name: Anonymous : 2008-12-10 17:54 ID:Hd1PR80g

If it's scizophrenia that just means the doctors don't really know what it is, but they have to call it something.

I have experience with it believe me when people are loved/respected/happy, they don't develop mental diseases, unless it's something like head trauma or intercranial infection, but that could have been cured long ago. Plus, it might still be someone's fault, for example when children are let to play with no care and hit their head, or swim in an unclean lake with open eyes. I don't know when your aunt became ill or how, but do you?

I had mental illness, while I can't say it's other people's fault I got it, it definitely was made a lot worse by how I was treated by everyone but especially my family.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2008-12-10 23:09 ID:hkQ4arMv

Many mental diseases have a genetic component. Although a random incident can kick off the first symptoms, the background must be there for the disease to start. Nobody becoms schizophrenic because of a bad day.

But you're right on one topic: the disease impact can be modulated by treatment and the environment, both in positive and negative ways,...

8 Name: Sadface : 2008-12-11 00:22 ID:Ub78daKL

In this case I can asure you that my grandfather wouldn't be a factor for her to get worse.
He lived with her until he died. They alone. He kept letting her spend HIS money. If they went out to dinner HE'd pay the meal every single time.
My aunt was like an "only daughter" for years and years, since she lived with her father alone way after the normal age. He was the victim. He'd never harm her. I know this because I've heard my mother talk about him and he'd never do that.
The only thing he might've donne he shouldn't was hiding her mental state, for no one to notice anything.

9 Name: Anonymous : 2008-12-14 21:41 ID:MWmkty9W

Hope you feel better after sharing your experience with us, anon. Good luck in coping wiht it.

10 Name: Anonymous : 2008-12-16 10:59 ID:Heaven

Ever occurred to you that your Grandfather might have committed incest with your aunt?

Incest can result in all sort of things in the mind, you know.

Given the information that your grand mother died when your aunt is in her 20's and they were both lonely since then, accounting the fact that they lived together for so long without your grand mother until your grand father died. Who knows, they might have done something together that your grand father regretted that caused her to be in that condition, hence his sadness.

Maybe your grandfather thinks that's regrettably shameful and never told anyone about it.

If your aunt is still living there and you have the courage, why don't you try to communicate with her. Try to get to know her and ask her views of her father.

Sorry, if I'm wrong or offended you in anyway, just giving my thought on this.

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