You are becoming disillusioned with the fullness of human relationships; pleasure exists as dependent on reason. If you have none for pleasure, you will have no pleasure. The opposite is just as true. You are at a stage where it is impossible to go back to your "old" self, ignorant of the choice to willingly spare yourself the social nuisance. You must choose - To think, not feel, and live with yourself? Or, don't think, feel, and you'll be immersed. It is up to you.