Help me, /personal/.
(My apologies for the length.)
For the past three or so years (since I started high school; I'm now a senior), I've been having sporadic nervous breakdowns, usually late at night and alone in my room, where I just feel like a worthless piece of crap and want to die. I've never actually done anything self-destructive like cutting or anything, though, but I've gotten to the point where I've literally wanted someone to kill me because I wouldn't have the nerve to do it myself. There never seems to be one specific trigger for these; at least, not one that I've been able to figure out.
I'm a lazy overachiever, if that makes any sense. I'm in the AP program at my school, in the top 25 or so out of 1000+ students in my graduating class, head of the JROTC program, in NHS and other assorted crap- well, I think you get the picture. I am at the same time a total slacker- I sleep every day in my AP Government class and still get As, I wrote a major paper for English class the day it was due last year and would've had an A if I didn't mess up the MLA stuff so badly, don't do homework if it's not for a grade, etc. I'm not saying any of this to brag or anything, I'm just stating the situation.
However, my parents seem to think that being parents only involves making sure that I have food and clothes and shiny new gizmos, not emotional support. My dad moved out about 4 or so years ago because he got a job in another state, so I don't see him too often. My mom hasn't been properly employed in two decades, and literally either sits around and watches TV all day or gets on to me for the stupidest things. Literally, we had an argument about which way I'm supposed to fold my pants to put them on a hanger.
I can't trust either of them with anything, and any time I try to have a serious conversation with either one of them it backfires on me. With my mom, she just yells at me for "playing the victim" even though I'm the one trying to fix the situation. I talked to my dad earlier today about seeing a therapist on my school counselor's advice, and he first laughed at me, then kind of freaked out once he realized I was being serious and told me to basically suck it up. He asked me why I didn't mention it to him while he was here, and I told him that either we were out somewhere or my mom was around and she was half the problem, but he never asked me to clarify that statement- he just assumed/pretended that my stress was all school-related and told me basically that I'm just going to have to deal with it on my own. Problem is, I tried that. It's what got me to this point- I can't keep bottling stuff up anymore.
Now, the reason I want to see a therapist is so I can learn how to deal with stress on my own, not to get some sort of magical pill that will make everything shiny and pretty again. I think that maybe my dad views therapy as some sort of weakness, but I'm not sure. I haven't even mentioned it to my mom yet, but I'm just about certain that she would give me the same kind of crap my dad did.
This is what I would like to accomplish in this situation:
1) Convince my dad to pay for a therapist (not sure if insurance will cover it)
2) Get both of my parents to realize that they are the real source of my problems, not school
How would you guys recommend going about this?
tl;dr- My parents suck at being parents and my mental health is suffering because of it, WTF do I do?