It's come to my attention that even the nerds at my college look down on me. At my school there is no lower social class than this, so I'm the lowest of the low. The nerds at least have their own social circles and are socially competent amongst themselves.
Apparently people know me as the creepy introvert, the guy who rarely leaves his room for class and the guy who wouldn't be caught dead in a social situation.
I guess that's all true. I don't think I do anything to be considered creepy beyond preferring to be by myself. I'm extremely plain in every way and have no distinguishing characteristics. My personality is robotic and impersonal.
I really just don't care about talking to people, but I've become increasingly lonely lately. I want a girlfriend but I don't know where to start.
Women scare me. When I'm around women I sweat, stutter and fidget. I also forget things, mainly my name, how old I am and where I live.
I don't trust psychologists, psychiatrists or pharmaceutical companies, but I don't see how else I could possibly begin to put myself in to social situations if I don't take medication for my social anxiety.
Has anyone been in a familiar situation, or does anyone have any tips they can give me to help me begin to socialize?
poor OP :(
hugs
Well, taking drugs certainly is not the way to start to socialize. Many people drink alcohol exactly for those purposes, but it's also a bad idea (I knew someone who drunk himself to death because he could only socialize when drunk). Also, I'm sure it's not women per se that scare you, but rather than any human contact scares you. But don't delude yourself. If you want a girlfriend, you NEED to become a more social person.
I would start by basics: since you are not used to social contact, exposure to others will tire you a lot. Because of that, you really need to be motivated to do it. So review your interests, and see how they can translate to social activities. Because if you just try to socialize without being interested in the context, you will bore yourself to death.
Wanting to be alone is not creepy at all! What are you saying! You've actually hurt my feelings a bit by saying that. Many people would love to be left alone to do work, get to know themselves better, just relax, or do whatever they want. Learning how to enjoy and utilize time alone will make life a lot more enjoyable.
First off all, I doubt people really "Look down" on you. It's college, everyone's pretty laid-back and apathetic about things. I think the fact that you are referring to "social class" shows that you still have something of a high school mentality.
You should start by talking to guys first. Then girls you aren't interested in. Join some clubs. Girls love talking to themselves, you just need to provide a listening ear and the occasional bit of feedback. It's not hard.
When you do meet a nice girl, ask her if she wants to get coffee with you asap. Trying to worm your way into a girl's pants by pretending you're okay with being friends tends to backfire. And we don't need anymore goddamn "Nice guys" here.
As It was already said you probably "imagine" all this shit. People don't care about silent, introverted guys. No one will approach somebody like this but if you show others that you want to socialize, there is a chance that somebody will notice you.
>When I'm around women I sweat, stutter and fidget.
Another cheesy shit - stop idealizing them! You probably won't believe me but girls also are... humans (sic!). People tends to hide their flaws (if they are aware of them). You need to get a little closer if you want to notice the bitter part (which is far more interesting). Only when you are truly comfortable with somebody you can show them your true self.
It took me forever to write this shit.
OP
To be honest, the human race is quite overrated. Most of them are only interested is sports, money and/or pussy. Most of them could not tell you where on the map their state is located but they can tell you all about some sports team. Losers.
You would be better off just finishing college and then pursuing relationships that way via your career, that is what I did.
On a side note, most people you will encounter in your life are not worth the air they are breathing (you should see this place I work at).
>>9 I don't think running away from his situation will solve any of his problems. If he keeps running away they will always be there waiting for him. You're the guy that advises men to not get involved with women until they are in their thirties, right? If you are that's cuz I see you around alot.
OMG, there are other people like me! I was teased by everyone in middle school, but unlike other people I didn't fight back. I took it personally and it has scarred me for life. I don't think you will ever reach normalcy, unless you got some hidden awesome stowed away in the bowels of your being, but you can improve upon your situation. I am by no means a social butterfly, but I do have my friends and boyfriend.
First of all I can only make assumptions about your situation based on my own past, but I am assuming that you feel ostricised. Do you feel like you are cut off from other people? I always expected others to be very judgemental of me and each other. What I have found that I am my own worst critic, and others tend to see me in a favorable light. You are not "worst of all" but since you are not socializing no one knows about you and will leave you alone, respect your privacy.
What it sounds like you have is an extreme form of social anxiety. Ways to help yourself in this situation, if you wish to, is understand it. Recognize what it is and don't put yourself down for it. Don't expect to be popular by next semester either, the road to recovery is slow. Try checking out the resources on campus and get counseling, go into group counseling if you feel up to it, and start just by joining a club that really interests you. If you join an activity and go on a regular basis and just force yourself to interact with people you can find friendships in those interactions. It will be difficult but the effort will be rewarding. Well, that has been my experience anyways.
Eh I am a female and have always been very introverted.
First> you don't think much of your self, you say you want this or that? Try just understanding that you are you, beyond your name or title. You are an individual and have contributions!
Second> Your absolutely right ><!! psychologists, psychiatrists or pharmaceutical companies do not work I have tried these, and more, many times, it just doesn't... although it works for my boyfriend.
Yes I have a boyfriend, how did this even happen!? I GAVE UP. I said F+++ you life I give up on all men forever. That same day I met him, I was playing Guitar Hero at Fry's Electronics, and I was nervous to boot! I was shaking and I didn't hear a word he said to me but things just worked, he's a nerdy like me.
So give up, stay true to your self, do things that you like, go places that you like. And I will hope for you!
Aside from the women part, I'm in arguably the same position. But I don't feel bad about it at all. When people are around, I just ignore them. I play my DS phat (not even a PSP, which most of society seems to adore), read comics, and draw. Nobody has come up to me ONCE. Just stop giving a shit. Hell, my prof even nailed it in front of the entire class that I was a shut-in and I didn't care at all. If anyone else did, they sure as hell didn't act like it. At least not to my face. Also, don't bother with relationships. If anything happens, it'll happen by itself and you'll know it when it comes around. At least that's what Lifetime told me.
Also, I agree with >>5
This is the only path. But you need a catchy name.
Well, i don't really have any social problems like most people here seem to have. But i moved around a lot when i was young and i know what it is like to want to shut yourself in. I did actually spend a year being sort of a shut in and i know that it is hard to change yourself once you become know as the anti-social type. But you are in college and you will have classes with different people every semester so you can start overhauling yourself any time you want. Trust me, your day to day life will become much easier and much more rewarding is you just try to be more sociable. Once you are more talkative friends and girlfriends will come automatically. Clean yourself up, comb your hair, wear something nice and you will be surprised just how easy it is to get dates, even with the really cute girls.
Like many posters I am a basementdweller. At least OP has gone to college - I had to give up on that and now I don't leave the house. I can't stand being exposed to the outside world and I'm pretty pesemistic when it comes to counceling etc.
If you can bear to be in the same space as other humans then you can probably talk to them, it's not that hard even for me. Once you find someone you share interests with or just get along with things should improve :)
Get laid. Now. It will give you the confidence you need.
>>15 typical sex solves everything bullshit answer. Sex is overrated.
Well, I just started college. I don't know where I stand socially. But I can relate to feeling lonely at times. After I was done denying the fact I miss my best friend and kept covering it with a smokescreen. I broke out crying when I watched a homevideo that had her in that moment- where everything was fine- it was the most refreshing cry I've had in awhile. I feel great. All I have to do is make an effort to talk to more people. Go to clubs and find people with similar interests. Right now- I'm fine being alone. I talk to everyone around me in my class... but I'm not friendly with everyone.
I hope the best for you OP.
I hope the best for everyone dealing with this as well.
Wish us all luck
Get a grip, go out and experience new things, until then you won't know if you really ARE yourself or if that's just the robotic mechanisms of society's mental implants speaking.
You know that you're a product of circumstances, things that happen around you, what society tells you, what other factors around you do to you.
So what have you done to take control of yourself, of your own existence? Ever made a choice? If not you might just be an automated process inside.
OP here.
I bought some fashionable, well-fitted clothes and went to a couple of club meetings that interest me, all of them related to nerdy things.
Not only could I not stop fidgeting and shaking when I was around a woman, I couldn't stop sweating, which is extremely embarassing, and couldn't stop from stuttering. I was constantly blushing, and my vision would get blurry whenever I was spoken to, like I had a tremendous amount of stress that was fucking with my brain. I also got really, really tired for some reason, and all I could think of was getting out of there and going back to my room to sleep.
I don't think I'm supposed to be in social situations.
To everyone in this thread: I can't believe this shit. Everyone brought up valid points as to why the OP should get out more, but only a handful actually gave helpful advice. He probably understands by now that being social is something he should work at. If you don't have anything constructive to offer, do him a favor and just shut up.
To OP: What I think is that you need an incentive to be more social (other than "oh, I wish I had a girlfriend"). So. I present to you a potential solution to your dilemma. Two words: Community Service. What better reason to step out your doors than to help other people? Go out and volunteer. Contact your local community service center. Check online for local places/events that just need people to help out. There's bound to be something in your area. Once you're out there helping, you'll want to continue, even if it's not that often. It'll make you feel better about yourself. Also, the people you'll meet while volunteering will be less intimidating. They have infectious positive attitudes, are usually very understanding, and aren't likely to judge you. If you're a willing helper, they won't mind that you're quiet and reserved. Just offer to help as much as you can. I really can't think of a better way to start reinforcing social skills. If you think this really isn't your thing, then I'd be happy to come up with something else, but I think you should really try volunteering before making that decision :)
This is the person that wrote post #10. It looks like you indeed have social anxiety. I have math anxiety, a few years ago it was more acute. I once started getting nauseous while taking a test once due to anxiety. When doing my homework my vision would blur, and I would suddenly feel very tired, and just want to sleep. Even though this isn't such a problem I still can't take math intensive classes. I enrolled into a Hydrology class this semester and since it involves too much math I will have to drop it or I will most certainly flunk the class. Remember that you will have to take it slow, try doing only one club. Do something only once a week and don't push yourself to interact, just push yourself to show up to the meeting. If you can make it to the meeting even if it's scary do something to reward yourself like going to the beach or doing something you really enjoy. Positive reinforcement is helpful in such situations.
Good luck!
OP, at least you aren't in a similar situation to me and stuck in this situation for years. I'm a deep guy in a shallow conformist high school and only recently learning social politics. To their credit I AM a distant madman.
The problem is twofold: Social experience and persona. Experience: talk to people, say, chat video games if all fails. As to persona, read varied material evocative of emotion and mind expansive (or pop, but to be interesting). And if ugly: wash and avoid shallows.
Hello OP, I'm fairly new here, but I felt the need of replying to your post with some problems of my own...I wish someone could help me...sorry if this post is too long...
Anyway, I'm 18 YO, no girlfriend or anything; I'm your average nice guy. The one who isn't funny at all and makes people bored of him. I also let myself get stepped on, regretting later.
No sense of humor whatsoever (can't laugh...other than a fake and forced giggle) I also feel like I can't contribute anything smart or funny to a conversation...or maybe I'm just being to hard with myself...even though sometimes i feel my (2) friends get bored of me and they'd rather be with someone else.
Meeting new people is hard for me. Because of the reaons I already mentioned, I can start a conversation easily (maybe not so much...) but I cant turn it into a lasting bond between two people. It's really hard, especially now that I'm starting in a new school.
Oh and OP, I really doubt you're totally robotic and
with no characteristical traits. I'm sure you do stuff other people (including girls) can relate to. Like for example...this doesn't mean much but yesterday on my first day I was forced to sit in a tight room filled with people, and a girl was sitting next to me. I realized she had a Viz media purse so..after a few mins of hesitation I asked her if she liked manga...she said yes and we started chatting.
It's stuff like that that give me a bit of hope for the future...
Only a loser who is so weak that he can't control his own life would think that.
What OP needs to realise is his body is being harvested by intelligent machines for its bioelecticity, and he is in fact living in a synthetic virtual world which they have plugged his mind into to keep it under control.
>>28
I knew having a movie night at the "asylum" would be a terrible idea. Why aren't you taking your anti-psychotics?
free will is an illusion to the simulacrum of reality. your an individualist my friend.
>>30
You shouldn't use complex words and then "your" instead of "you're". It kinda discredits your point.
dont insult my "intellegance" Mr.Heaven.
>>32
Stop misunderstanding the ID for a name. The name is after the "Name: " part.
Also, what's an "intellegance"?
Sarcasm.
>>34
Oh okay, I always forget you can still do that with awful language skills.
Hey, OP, I just wanted to give you thumbs up... there are a lot of people out there that would have given up hope right away.
Deciding you want to do something about your problem is the first step. You can do this if you set your mind on it.
I don't know what this means to you, coming from a complete stranger, but... I have faith in you.
You can do this!
こううん!