After analyzing myself yesterday I came to the conclusion that I'm one creepy bitch. Sum facts about me:

-I look at CP. I know that these kids probably feel like shit and will be fucked up for the rest of their lives, but I just don't care. In fact I find it even hotter and funny that they are suffering. Watching small boys and girls getting pounded by fat ugly men is both hot and funny to me.

-A while ago a horse got raped and stabbed to death according to a newspaper. I thought it was hot and it made me laugh. I also laughed when I read about some kids setting a couple of puppies on fire.

-I constantly fantasize about beating, raping and molesting small children, from infants to about 6 year olds. I've been having serious thoughts about starting working as a baby sitter just so I can get my hands on small children and live out my fantasies. People never suspect women to rape their children so it would probably be very easy i think.

-Israel bombing Gaza, seeing pictures of dead and injured adults and children, reading how people were constantly living in fear of the bombs, people having their lives chattered... Yup, I laughed at that, A LOT.

Yeah I think you get the picture. So I ask you; Is this normal? I can't ask anyone irl because I'm afraid of getting locked up. Am I feeling like this because I'm bitter about my own life? I'm unemployed because of depression and being suicidal from time to time, and my life has steadily gotten shittier and shittier for a long time now. Other than that I don't know. Am I turning into a monster? What can I do about it? Discuss!