I want to change my social life (7)

1 Name: antiawkward : 2009-03-14 20:11 ID:9OUuFZbu

Hello 4ch! I have a question for you because this seems to be the place to find socially awkward fellow users. I want to change my social life and start building stronger friendships, but I am not quite sure how to go about doing this. A little bit about me is I am able to get along with people in social situations well enough. I can hold my own in face to face situations with the exception of large gatherings where I do not know anyone, which is pretty normal.

I cannot for the life of me keep in contact with friends. I don't try calling or keeping in touch because I guess I don't want to be rejected. I hate getting a voice box and I just get scared that they won't pick up. I don't like putting myself out there and having to wait for a reply. But this means that I end up growing distant with people, which damages the bonds I have with others.

In my mind I just can't push myself to call people and try to reconnect with them. I feel that so much time has passed that it's not worth the emotional cost to trying to restore something that probably isn't there. Obviously I don't have much faith in other people and I expect them to turn their back on me. Is there a way to gain trust and faith in people or should I not bother with restoring friendships?

2 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-14 20:56 ID:xDQCZT+Z

>this seems to be the place to find socially awkward fellow users

Nice jab, great way to ask for help (I'm joking ^_^)

You know, in these days of facebook networking, you really need to be in a coma not to be able to restore your old friendships. But before you go around spamming people, ask yourself what you really want from people. Otherwise you will quickly lose interest in these renewed contacts, and return to stage one.

Do you really want to renew old friendships, or do you want a different kind of friendship? Why do you want friendship, if at the end of the day you neglect them? Just because you don't like to use a voix box? Seems to me that's a stretch... Explain yourself a bit better.

3 Name: antiawkward : 2009-03-14 22:23 ID:9OUuFZbu

>Do you really want to renew old friendships, or do you want a different kind of friendship?

I would like to restore some of my friendships, but I would also like to deepen my friendships. I think there are some old friends that I should not bother with but I should try to restore friendships with the people I liked. I'm not sure what you mean by a different kind of friendship. There are different kinds?

>Why do you want friendship, if at the end of the day you neglect them?

It's a very strange story actually. You see my natural inclination is to be an extrovert. My mom and dad are extroverted very outgoing and can talk about anything and my sister is spaztastic. When I am around people I feel very content and happy, and when I'm alone just doing my own thing my life feels a bit off. But I teased a lot in middle school by almost every boy in my grade, both friends and enemies would tease me and I didn't take it well. Ever since then I felt I could not trust people, even friends. I am constantly prepared for a friend to suddenly turn their back on me, and I just keep distant because it could happen at any time

>Just because you don't like to use a voice box?

Contacting people entails a risk that you will be brushed off. I would rather not contact a person then be brushed off and ignored because when I don't contact someone at least I know who to blame... myself. But if I try contacting someone and they blow me off I may not know why. It could be that they were busy, or I did something to offend them, or they took a disliking to me, or it could be a million reasons. But I feel that if I try to contact someone and they decide to cut ties that door is closed for good. At least if I don't keep in touch I feel that one day later in the future I still have a chance at restoring what was once there. But once the door is closed it is closed for good.

4 Name: H-town Stomper : 2009-03-16 01:53 ID:Dt+OBkYP

you should go to nightclubs and fight your fears. Or, if your in school, join some clubs.

5 Name: antiawkward : 2009-03-16 05:29 ID:9OUuFZbu

It's not meeting people or interacting with people that I have a problem with. It is keeping in touch with them and building friendships.

6 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-19 03:44 ID:Y+2tWFV/

You need to spend more meaningful time with them. The more time you spend with them, the more they get used to you, and the more you can relate to interests, the more meaningful it will be to you both.

You should do this if you genuinely are interested in the person, if that person shares a lot of your interests. Attempting this with anybody else can drain you.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-19 03:59 ID:Heaven

>>5 doesn't happen overday. Takes alot of time honestly. The first mistakes people make is when they seem too needy,and it can scare people off. Plus if you meet someone new, she/he probably has friends, so less time for you.

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.