Stranded at Home (32)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-24 12:48 ID:3BuX2Fwt

Hello, I'm in complete despair. I've recently dropped out of school because I couldn't take it anymore, my agoraphobia took control of myself and made me into a psycho (hearing things that aren't real and stuff)... So now, I'm closed inside my mother's place, it's... despairing.

I'd love to be able to go out and do whatever I want but my self-esteem is currently so low that just walking through people makes me feel all stressed and anxious. I'm limited to living in this house, I'm trapped inside this place.

I'm not asking for answers, just in need of a few friendly words... Has anyone ever been like this and then finally became "normal" again ? What did you do to spend your time ? Since I've stopped going to school I tend to feel so damn useless ...

tl;dr -> I'm stranded at home due to lack of self-esteem and I need to occupy my time better, please, give me some advice or something... I don't know what to do.

2 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-24 16:29 ID:DSaglTst

Have you considered getting some psychological help? Phobias are one of the things that can be best treated currently, so seems like a waste not to get useful help.

Is your agoraphobia the result of panic attacks, or is it something else? It's normal that you start feeling "psycho", after all you are self-imprisoned in your house, constantly under the grip of your deepest fears. Hard to be more effective at self-torture.

What happens to people like you depends: If you don't get treatment, or don't find someone to help you or manage to quell your phobia, you may spend the rest of your life as a shut-in. Modern towns are full of those types, who spend decades alone as recluses in their houses/apartments. Also, with age those kinds of tendencies become stronger, so I suggest you react sooner rather than late to your problem, which is entirely solvable.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-25 01:00 ID:gRzrtUYx

do anything. anything. find a chore around the house and do it. pick a hobby, and do it. if you just lay around and think all day, put it on paper.

have you considered getting a pet? something small, like a hamster or rabbit...

4 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-25 08:38 ID:o/fCxXTI

>have you considered getting a pet? something small, like a hamster or rabbit...

A dog would be better, so that he has to walk him out every day ^_^

5 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-25 13:45 ID:Heaven

gaythread

6 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-25 17:08 ID:4dZpzZIK

So I ended up getting some professional help, it's not going too well, went from psycho to depressed but I'm hoping to get a lot better in a few weeks. The doctor gave me different kinds of pills to take everyday and they seem to be working, at least I feel confident enough to go out now :) !

Oh, and I wish i could get a dog, then i could walk him out every day and that would be great therapy i think, but my stepfather and my stepbrother are allergic to pretty much all furry beings.

I've been feeling better, but it's still hard to drive some thoughts away and accepting reality still seems like a huge task, I really needed professional help. I guess I hadn't thought about it before out of fear of getting my personality killed by meds but wth, at least I'm happier and healthier now.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-25 17:37 ID:Heaven

>>6 Great to hear that you are improving. As for meds, they are not meant to be for life, but just to stabilize you so that you can more easily solve your issues.

Just take it easy, and don't suddenly interrupt your treatment without your doctor's approval, or you'll become unstable again.

Does your treatment include anything apart from drug prescription? The meds open a window of opportunity for you to address your problems, they are not the solution themselves. So make sure you are proactive about figuring out how to get better.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-25 17:38 ID:o/fCxXTI

>>7 forgot to unsage myself ยด_`)

9 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-25 19:36 ID:4dZpzZIK

Firstly... I'm just glad i immediately took everyone's advice and went to the psychiatrist.

>>7

Well, the psychiatrist i went to told me to go to a psychotherapist as well and i expect to get some kind of treatment apart from drug prescription in my appointment with him next week.

And yeah, I've learned to accept that meds do really help, although I'm not too comfortable with taking them since they make me feel so goddamn depressed. Better than feeling psychotic and hearing things but it totally kills my thoughts and my imagination. I can't wait to get better and have a healthy mind, I feel completely suppressed personality wise.
But as you said, it does really open a window of opportunity to get better, all seems much more clearer and less chaotic.

Just taking it day by day without stressing too much over it, that's my main focus now.

10 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-25 19:41 ID:4dZpzZIK

Also... I didn't really talk about it in here... but I was really bad... I hit rock bottom and had crying urges all the time, no matter where I was I just started crying uncontrollably and shaking and hearing things, like people commenting how fat I am and how ugly I am (despite not really being fat and so on). I started creating this paranoia about how people secretly took photographs of me and so on... It's silly... when i think about it.

Most people really just care about themselves... I'm just glad I'm getting better now.

11 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-25 21:01 ID:Odavfx+N

>>9 Nice to hear that you'll also get some psychological help. I hope he can be useful to you. Remember this: if you don't feel comfortable with your psychologist, try another one, sometimes you need several trials until you find someone that fits well with you. Don't just drop out without trying a bit harder.

>>10 Yup, it's really bad when your mind starts racing out of control. And unfortunately since it's out of control, it does not matter how silly things get, you just can't control them. That's why there is a problem, in the first place, and why you need help.

12 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-25 21:49 ID:TSZrFozt

>>9

Great to hear! I'll be cheering for you all the way through. :D

13 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-26 06:05 ID:nwtK3ia3

good job op!
im proud of you! it didnt take you long to go out! which is very good! i see you are facing yourself and i hope it will go all well. keep us posted about how you are doing and what progress you have made! :]

14 Name: Flash : 2009-03-26 06:42 ID:XmAgyGrM

So I'm back still annoying as ever, but I've learned to calm down a bit....you could say I was turning into what you would call a hiki but didn't(and please don't go into the whole word thing yeah). I was just too traumatized at something and still have trouble going through it. I hear shit too and think everyone is talkin bout me and such, so what I did was stick in my room for bout 2 years and a half, well more like just 2. I really forced myself to go out, it sucks being cased in your room. What I did was meditate to stop hearing voices it helped calm me down a lot, and with willpower and philosophy I started killing my anxiety and paranoia, but still paranoid. Even though now i still hear voices at times and don't like going out much but I do because i figured I'm a man and this shit could happen to anyone. My mental trauma caused me to be sort of my own idea of being catotonic,(I know what the word means and I've wikipedia the bitch) as in looking at my past and experiencing the same tremor as if it were real. I tend to be a smug showoff out of compulsion or impulse, I think it's my trauma or fear of not being liked by anyone and being alone, dunno. I have fear of calling black people that specific word. Well I've become strong enough to stop crying and shrug it off. Now my main issue is I'm 19 and in need of a job, I use the sorry excuse of fear that i don't get a job, which is true though. Lets see what else...? uhh, I'm not sure if I can get a girl again, it's not a thing of being scared to talk to them but scared to think anything bad or rude about someone, that is also an issue of mine, which is sort off an impulse in my mind. That is the core of my problem, anything else is becomes a problem because of it. I spend too much time worrying over it. So... this time on the real, what do you think? How do I kill the fear of being prejudice and offensive in my mind? BTW this the real suffering I've gone through in my life, yeah it sucks when a person goes through it but I've realized it happens to anyone, don't you think? Writing this message helps me relieve some load so cool :-).

15 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-26 09:40 ID:Heaven

OP, two years in the future here. don't bother joining college, you'll just drop out

16 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-26 10:08 ID:o/fCxXTI

>>14 I think it's good that you're becoming better at controlling your anxieties, but don't think you are off the hook. Difficult times will come back again. This should not depress you, but you have to be ready for it. I don't think you ever get "healed". But you can get very good at "dealing with it", and have a normal life.

So yeah, this time is for real, and it will be real even if you have a relapse. Also, at the moment I think your priority (besides getting a job) should be to improve your social skills. You can achieve this by 1) getting a job 2)participating in group activities (think about things you'd like to do in a group, like sports, walks, theater, watch a game, etc) 3)do stuff with your friends, family, etc.

It's exposure that will allow you to improve yourself. You need to realize that people are in fact quite laid back and tolerant, and that you don't need to worry so much about how improper your behavior might be.

17 Name: Flash : 2009-03-26 20:07 ID:hDtij17x

>>16 man.. really?>"You need to realize that people are in fact quite laid back and tolerant, and that you don't need to worry so much about how improper your behavior might be." Thanx man. I recently have been going out a lot, my friends got annoyed at how I lag it and stick away from the group so I decided to be part of it and kick it more often. I'm getting a summer training job that pays me I'll be done with highschool home studies by june. I really thought the same thing when you mentioned of improving my social skills

18 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-26 21:44 ID:uLqQjsjB

Good to hear that you're look to be on track. Make sure that you do finish homeschool. Have you also looked at volunteering? Volunteer at say... a hospital or something. I spent a summer during high school as a volunteer. It was actually fun talking to the adults. Plus, free eats is always good.

19 Name: Flash : 2009-03-27 06:05 ID:vPRJvofY

Hah, I'll work on that just to be out of the house you know. Well my encouragement was a man named Roronoa Zoro from an anime called One piece. Though not real, the characteristics makes you want to be someone like him, aswell as the famed Kamina from gurren lagann. Well thanx for the advice, I've always had trouble breaking out of my shell...

20 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-27 06:12 ID:ep1SlhZO

hei op..!!
im happy things are going so smooth.. just stop caring, but dont stop caring 100%!! finding out or understanding that nothing makes sense and it has nothing to do with anything might help but as well leave u ignorant as fuck (that happend to me, but im coming out from this stage).. so like i hope it goes well for u.. and umm tbh, i dont think anything bad about u :) being interested in doesnt mean bad things.. :P maybe you should think of things like..
"is interested/curious" instead of "hates me"
or
"says hi :3" instead of "stared me creepily" :P
ok good luck!

21 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-27 10:53 ID:/iV3ANQ6

>>19
zoro eh? maybe it not really good to be him because he lost a dear friend when he was young

and i also dont think there's anything wrong with you few years ago i experience something like yours and you should just try to calm down.dont try to be a shut-in

22 Name: Flash : 2009-03-27 12:39 ID:vPRJvofY

>>21 no, actually what I mean is, you can't be strong unless you go through something harsh and overcome it. More like his sense of his philosophy, he said a line that was too noble, "When the world gets nasty on you, don't bitch and complain, take it on with force." I also followed loyalty, like brandon Heat(gungrave). Sorry I tend to reference anime cuz I'm an anime fanatic. I studied Evangelion and ghost in the shell, LITERALLY. Well back to topic, as superficial as it may sound, anime is my encouragement cuz I put it's ideas on real play, I don't fantasize bout it cuz i know reality sucks when you know suffering. Hah, but nothing taste as sweet as the 3 most important things in ones life, your girl, your family and friends, and your own personal activities.

23 Name: corn shit deluxe : 2009-03-29 16:35 ID:dckN8/yF

are u supposed to be macaulay culkin?

24 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-29 16:47 ID:ddifq04v

OP HERE.

>>20

What you said is a good suggestion, instead of thinking that people are disgusted by me from their facial expressions i should just admit that they're just being interested in what i'm saying or curious about what i'm speaking of.

While talking to my psychotherapist we came to the conclusion that my problem is one of acceptance of the real world. It's like I had this illusion of what the world's like (ergo: how i wanted it to be) and it completely shattered when I met certain people and saw certain people acting in ways i never thought possible.

Y'know, I didn't believe there actually would be bullying in High School, it sounded like a stupid concept to begin with... I mean, my problem is that i didn't believe that some people are plain stupid and actually mistreat colleagues and so on.

So the conflict between my dreams and reality made me want to run away, like the world was attacking me... Knowing all of this now, I can't help but laugh... It's pretty childish of me to have such idyllic concepts about the world in my mind.

But I guess that's what a good Rich-Kid school did to me, i was used to a different environment where people have known each other since forever (from 5yo to 15yo) and where people are all smart enough not to discriminate others.

Going to a public High School for the second year without having been confronted with dumbasses made me think good things only about the world, I guess I'm bitter now. Real bitter. But I won't change what i believe in, I'll just start making decisions based on reality and I'll only involve myself in things which i know won't get me hurt at the end.

I gave out too much of myself to receive so little, now i just want to get back to normality. I've been having nightmares about this every single night :|||| They're really unpleasant.

So, as you can all see :) I'm doing much much better, as a 17yo Girl just nearing adulthood these have been the hardest times I've ever been through and I love all of your support, thank you !! *

25 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-29 17:17 ID:ep1SlhZO

hi op :] im so happy your therapist is actually making you help yoursef :] im SO VERY proud of you :] keep us posted about the progress :)

26 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-30 11:30 ID:qFf5PBYx

>>24
Glad you can see it throught, even if I know exactly what you're going through. Yeah, the real world sucks, and when you wake up, either you accept it and become part of the machine, or you refuse it while acknowledging its existence. I guess the former would be the easier, but one has to be able to sacrifice every dream he's ever made to achieve that - I don't know for you, but it was too much for me.

So yeah, you've got to protect yourself as much as possible, and try to get every little amount of 'good' you can find in the world. Try not to let the weltschmerz get to you...

As George Carlin put it, "Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist".

Good luck, OP. There are good things out there; they may be some diamonds in an ocean of tar, but they still exist.

Captcha: me.

27 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-30 14:48 ID:o/fCxXTI

>Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist

Cynicism is just the first step out of innocence. Make sure you don't remain stuck at that stage, or your life will be needlessly painful.

28 Name: Flash : 2009-03-31 20:14 ID:QVWA5RLG

>>27 Yeah I can admit that and thats exactly what I am. It's no doubt everyone in the world including me is a two faced, major hypocrite, sonnava bitch, LOL. It is the common structure of how life is, well how humans in general are. Again a quote from him, "Being born is a ticket to the freakshow".

29 Name: Anonymous : 2009-03-31 23:24 ID:FIZfzM3i

>>28 yeah, sure, but you know, that's kind of obvious, isn't it? The deal now is to realize that DESPITE the freakishness and hypocrisy of humanity, great things can be done, lived, felt.

Happy and sad people live in the same world, they just see it differently. And the sad people are not always the most perceptive of the bunch.

30 Name: Flash : 2009-04-02 14:09 ID:j9O95UZ5

>>29Yeah, humans ARE survivers.

31 Name: Flash : 2009-04-03 07:57 ID:79VrdTy+

survivors**

32 Name: Anonymous : 2009-04-12 23:21 ID:XDyhVo/o

hey there OP. this message is coming from probably the only friend of yours that vists 4-ch (and infact introduced you to this place).

good luck, gal. i've been through a whole lot of shit (and now i'm going through a whole lot of other shit) and you supported me throughout the whole thing. for that i thank you. sorry for not repaying you fully in these times of need, but i'm not in a position to help you much. thank you 4-ch users for helping!

good luck and good night. signed, your friend.

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