I don't really now how to start this... well, maybe an introduction. I'm a Brazilian dude, mid-twenties, studying for my Masters and working in research. And I do consider myself a geek: videogames, anime and manga are my hobbies. I guess I could split my "problems" in two: friendships and inspiration.
My history in the friends area is not exactly something to fill lots of pages with. I never really met a real friend until my second year of college. Then I met this other friend and I'd say both of them are my best friends... the others, well, I'd define them as acquaintaces more than anything. One of them lives in another city so we mostly communicate via text-messages and e-mails/msn, but her life is kinda busy so we sometimes spend weeks without talking and when we do, it's usually not for long. This other friend lives in the same town as I do, but it's very difficult to talk to him about certain subjects because he's quite "strong minded" to put it simply. It's not that I don't like them, but I still feel very lonely... I tried getting to know people with similar interestes on chats and those social network websites, but in the end, I couldn't really find what I'm looking for, which is difficult to put into works. I've never had a girlfriend, and I'd like to find someone to fill that space in my life. But at the same time I feel scared... scared to jump straight into something of this sort... I guess I could say that my ideal someone to meet right now would be a female version of me! Maybe just as freaked out as I am about giving this big step, but wanting a friendship that could evolve into more in the future... I dunno, sometimes I think this sound extremely sexist.
And the inspiration thing is that for the past year or so I haven't felt very inspired to do my job properly... motivated, if you will. I wanna change that because it's something I really enjoy doing! But I usually can plan everything, but when it comes the time to act on those plans, I feel like doing something else. When I force myself to do it, it starts slow and I eventually get it done... but I think I could do it better and faster if i had the proper inspiration/motivation. Maybe this is linked to the previous paragraph? I dunno... I don't even know if all of this makes sense... I wanted to vent, and, having known this place and lurked around for a little while, I felt like I could post this rant here, thinking that maybe someone has had similar experiences or even have any advice to me. I'd just people that reply to this, to keep it nice... I'm not here to argue or anything, just looking for some kind words of advice from people who're willing to go through this chunk of text I just wrote :)
BrazilianGeek, let me first off tell you that you are not alone in this. I had the same problem you had, no friends, no love interests, nothing. Let me tell you that the absolute BEST way to meet new people is to just talk. It doesn't have to be meaningful, or funny, though humor is a great ice breaker. hang out with these two friends if you can, and you'll meet new people through them as well.
As far as your lack of inspiration goes, your problem could not just be your lack of creativity, but the way that you are trying to express it. Let go of becoming better, or doing something faster, and instead just do it. As you go along, your interest will gradually strengthen and inspiration will come.
i hear you got some kickass cup of joes der. well have a cuppa.
@2: It's nice to know that other people have been through what I'm experiencing. I do try being humorous... even though many don't get my jokes and puns lol
The thing about hanging out is that, first of all i'm not someone that enjoys going to bars, clubs and the sort... second, my close friend that lives nearby, don't like either and has many reasons for not going and the othe other one, even though she'd gladly accompany me to those places, she lives in another state (it's a 5 hour bus trip), and I can't really go there all the time... money and time wise. Last year I managed to go there only twice, but i saw her those two times and it was nice, but I always had to get the 11pm bus to get back home. So, with that, I'd have to go alone, and I wouldn't now where to go, since, as I've said, I'm not much of a bar/pub person... That's where the internet came in... I thought I could do something similar by going to chat rooms or those orkut/myspace sites... but i've had no luck so far, just found some scary shit to haunt me :)
I guess your second advice does make a whole lotta sense... I'll try following that... shove away the feeling of just sitting in a corner and think about what I should be doing instead of just doing it.
@chewbacca: I've never drank american coffee, but I've been told the local coffee is much better... too bad caffeine has no effect whatsoever to me :)
Bars are actually the WORSE place to start meeting new people. The best place to start is anywhere you feel comfortable at. Say the park, the bookstore, somewhere where people gather. Go to these places frequently, and you'll begin to foster new relationships as you get used to them. The old saying goes: "Nothing happens if you do nothing." so just do something. Anything. Go anywhere, just as long as your doing something, and eventually you'll find people you might be able to befriend. Trust me, there are plenty of lonely guys and girls that need a friend as much as you do.
>>5 I see... well, I just started going to a new college, so I'm kinda doing that, hanging around the campus and not just being locked in the library as usual to see if that'll work better. I do believe in your statement about existing more lonely guys and girls around... I just thought that finding them on the internet would be easier :)
you could start going to the gym though.. there's lots of good looking people there :)
>>1 The best way to get new friends is to turn your centers of interest into group activities. In this way you can meet people with whom you instantly have something pleasant to talk about, and fun activities to share. You like videogames, manga and anime: I suggest you look for conventions about those in your area, search your university about clubs sharing your interests, find the local shops where people with the same interests as you can meet. You could event think about initiating some activities by leaving a message in the local university boards (physical or electronic).
If you enjoy manga, you could think about making an amateur work, and you could talk with people in the local arts classes, for instance. Really, there are tons of way of meeting like minded people in an university.
As for your lack of enthusiasm, this is probably the consequence of a depressive state. Lack of motivation is one of the hallmarks of depression. Do something positive about your relational problems, enjoy yourself, and when it's time to work, work hard and the best you can.
>>8 Yes, I actually tried that a couple of years ago... I even found a group of people that liked anime and I was even interested in making marathons or stuff like that. But the group was mostly composed of 14-16 year olds and the objectives weren't the same. I live in a small town, so finding such groups isn't very easy, if there are any. I've been to a couple of anime convetions but since they're in another state it isn't very easy for me to attend them, but I try going whenever I can... mostly, the other times, I only stayed around those friends I already mentioned, so I guess it wasn't very smart, if you think about it from the perspective of meeting new people. I wish I met people with the same passion for games and anime, because I'd really like to organize something like a sunday afternoon just to watch cool stuff, or play Mario Party, or whatever... last year was so busy that, even thought I thought a lot about it, I did nothing because of other stuff I had to do... but I'd really like to do something like that around here. Not trying to only show the negative side of things, but this country doesn't really help, you see... it's way too difficult to get games here, for instance... we usually have to pay 5x what is paid in the US, for instance. So it really put people off, making them go to piracy. I usually import my games, because I don't believe that piracy will help anything, but so far, i'd say i'm 1 in 500 that thinks like that.
About the manga, I don't have any artistic gifts (even though I believe making PCBs is an art :)), but a group just to read the weekly SJ mangas and discuss would be quite good.
I guess I just can't give up, and keep trying, even if I can't really find people that are really interested in these things at first, I'm sure that those DO exist somewhere, they're maybe just well hidden :) Or maybe I haven't found the correct place to look for them yet.
As for the depression, the thought has occurred to me once or twice, but I was shoved it off thinking it was absurd... I guess I have to concentrate hard otherwise I'll just keep procrastinating in fear of not doing anything worthy of my job. I always get the thought that I should be better, but maybe that's an exageration of my part...
>>9 in which state are you living? You say you live in a small town (which one?), but you have an university there, so I'm sure there must be videogames and manga/anime shops. If possible, you could even leave some ad by them, or directly speak to the shopkeepers. You could also think about starting/joining something in your university, including weekly exchanges of mangas, videogames, whatever. Who knows, you might even start a local mini-convention, or get some people to go with you to some convention close to you.
Hey, you are a researcher, if you seriously put your head into this, you'll find ways of finding... Why not write to the ABRADEMI? (http://www.abrademi.com/) they may be able to give you some contacts in your region, maybe even in your town.
As for depression, it's because people ignore the issue that it lasts longer. But if it's not actually preventing you from working, it's still ok. But keep that in mind, specially if you find yourself letting weeks pass without productive work.
>>10 I'm in a town an hour or so away from Rio de Janeiro. Don't be so sure man :) There used to be a videogame store, but it closed last year. It just wasn't making enought profit to stay opened. I used to go there, hang out talking to the employees (the only ones there most of the time), but never managed to met anyone. I don't know if you're brazilian or not, but small videogame stores are each and every day closing down one after the other since many people would rather buy pirated games. I don't, but buying things in a store is quite expensive, so I import my games. Yeah, that is a "shut-in" kind of behavior, but my pocket isn't as deep as I wanted it to be, so I gotta think about it ;)
As for anime shops, I've never seen anywhere aside from bookstores selling manga. Nothing related to anime/manga memorabilia either... I've just seen those in São Paulo, but I'm sure in Rio there are also stores of this sort. I'm now studying in Rio a couple of days in the week, I just started recently and am still getting to know the places where I usually go, so as soon as this is settled I'm gonna start looking for any such places around campus.
Well, never thought about googling for it :) Like i said before, I mainly searched around Orkut (wich is a social network that has been pretty much overflowed with Brazilians). Thanks for the insight, I'll surely start broadening my searches now :)
It hasn't been really keeping me from working... It has just slowed me down a little. But it may be something in my head... my work conditions are kind of "lonely" per say. So I pretty much work on my own and sometimes work gets slow whenever I can't work something out and have to reasearch about it since I don't have anyone to rely for information, like someone more experienced. So whenever I hit one of those walls it disapoints me a little bit.
Thanks for all the comments... I really appreciate it and would love to hear more :) This has been quite nice and I've felt better seeing the support!
>I don't know if you're brazilian or not
I'm actually portuguese, and also doing research ^_^
Look, you're living an hour away from a seven million metropolis, and you tell me you can't find people? I thought you were based somewhere in Roraima...
A quick google search issued websites of anime/manga/cosplay organizations, and a series of events related to it (listed at the bottom). Even if there is nothing taking place this week, you could at least mail those people to get to know in which shops they go, where and when do they meet, etc. Also, you seem to be basically lonely, so solving your relational problems will also boost your productivity and general satisfaction
Organizations:
http://www.rioanimeclub.com.br/
http://www.animecentereventos.com.br/
http://www.animeplanet.com.br/
http://www.anime.com.br/blog/
Found in http://www.oifuturo.org.br/patrociniosculturais2009/resultados.html
ANIMA MUNDI 2009 – 17º FESTIVAL INTERNACIONAL DE ANIMAÇÃO DO BRASIL | RJ | ARTES VISUAIS
Um dos principais festivais de animação do mundo, o Anima Mundi acontece nas cidades de Rio de Janeiro, Belo Horizonte e São Paulo, apresentando curta-metragens, longa-metragens, seriados e comerciais realizados em diversos estilos visuais, linguagens narrativas e técnicas de animação. Conta com o Anima Mundi Web e o Anima Mundi Celular. Realiza também o Anima Mundi Expo, promove a interação do mercado audiovisual nacional e internacional através de exposição, produtos e serviços e demonstrações de negócios
Don't forget people posting in fan websites and based near to you. You could contact them and get more tips about where things are happening near you, or have some kind of correspondence. Just as examples:
http://myanimelist.net/profile/Artemis
http://www.fanfiction.net/~akarichan
You get the drill, now go for it ^_^
>>12 Wow... that's a lot of stuff... I actually REALLY liked the idea of that myanimelist website! I'll definately subscribe there!
I have many reasons (which will all sound very much like excuses :P yeah, even to me) for not yet having gone to these places even if they're "only" an hour away... it's quite a hassle to go there (yes, yes, I sound like a whinner), thus, one of the main reasons I've exclusively looked around my town for others like me. But since now I HAVE to go there, I may as well find other things to do while I'm there.
Today I went there and it's quite bad to stay in traffic for 6 hours (combining bus both ways and subway/bus in the city)... I really feel like I'm wasting time, I can't study with all the jiggling of the bus (believe me, I tried and almost puked... and had a headache). Which is another of the many reasons I wanted a close by group of people interested in group activities related to this. Even people who'd like to talk online, e-mail, whatever, but people to correspond with. I've had, once upon a time, "pen pals" and I liked it very much... but since they were far, RL eventually got to us and we stopped getting in touch. Yes yes, still excuses, but just making my point here, even if a bad one :)
Maybe, most of my "quest" is because my only close friend around here changed a lot from what he used to be... sometimes is unbearable to talk to him. And my other friend, well, she's far and we only manage to talk on MSN sometimes, when she's not too tired from work. Tomorrow I'll restart working, so I'll have even less time. But all this talk gave me more hope. Hope to find people around here (as well) to talk to, because I know they exist, I just have to do a better search :)
Valeu pelos conselhos cara :)
Well,... people do change, and that's natural. If you use your only friend as a social crutch, the relationship can be quite suffocating. Having several friends allows you to have more flexibility for each relationship, and helps to weather bad phases.
I did not search specifically for your town, since I don't know which one it is, but you can do that yourself. I do understand the point of having friends where you live, it makes a lot of sense. But it also makes a lot of sense to make use of what RJ has to offer you, which is a lot.
>Valeu pelos conselhos cara :)
De nada, e boa sorte! ^_^