For a long time now, I have been dealing with this idea in my head. I no longer feel that anything matters. Eventually, everything disappears, it all goes away. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do about the feeling, either. I only stress myself out when I do.
For example, I am doing poorly in my Chemistry class. I tell myself, "grades are important, try harder!" But, I always come down to the same conclusion that no matter how this year of classes ends, it was only one year and one class, and I shouldn't worry. I know I am lazy and I procrastinate, and that that is part of my issues with that class, but I also feel that I can't do well in a class where I do not feel that it matters.
And the whole time, I want to talk to my friends about it, but I can't think of how to properly get across how I am feeling. Even now, I am sure that anyone who reads this will wonder, "what the hell is he getting at?" I can't organize my thoughts well because there seem to be so many contradictions. And all of these contradictions seem to exist, and I can't explain why. How can I want to do well in school and still tell myself that this one class, for example, does not matter?
But, I don't want the class to come off as the issue I am seeking help on. As I asked in the title, does anything matter? I want to know if anything really does in the long run, and, if something only matters in the short run, how can I care about it?
Welcome to nihilism. I suggest you ponder on how if nothing matters, the one life you'll live is there for you to make something fun and cool. Push your limits, do great stuff.
Otherwise you'll drown in the pessimist side of nihilism, which often leads to destructive behaviours (which may be fun or not, by the way).
Y hallo thar op..
i get the same exact thoughts all the time. Well, over the time im sure it will go away if u start ignoring these days and just keep on doing your thing. The people who are motivated doing their thing and me seeing this sort of motivated me sometimes as well. But mainly i got these thoughts as "why do they even bother? it will take nowhere anyways?!".. just give yourself time, work out and find some other things to entertain u and take u out from the bubble.. and i ensure you, over the time it will go lighter/away. do you get panic attacks by any chance?
I have had periods in my life when i just walk around and notice things like "im in the shopping center.. what does it exist for? it has no meaning.. nobody cares about it! the whole thing doesnt matter" etc.. i know it feels disturbing, but keep on fighting..
sometimes i used to treat myself thinking against it "well, i sure am happy computors exist and the internet, that matters.. " good luck :3
to reformulate what >>2 says, welcome to the realization that in the long run, nothing really matters: you will die anyway, the sun will burn out, the universe will grow cold, empty and dead.
Nevertheless, this apparent lack of purpose gives you the ultimate freedom to decide what matters to you, what will be the goals of your existence. You have a short period of life in which you'll be able to do what you wish, so use it wisely.
Also remember, if your heart stops beating now, you won't live to do anything else. So the present heartbeat is actually your most precious and important heartbeat. Everything you are doing NOW is very precious to you. It's what you are living for real, and it's what will allow you to live other things in the future. Don't expect to live great stuff later, if you underestimate and fuck up the present.
>>4 but what if there's no purpose of anythings existance? O.o
>>5
There (probably) isn't! And that's why you should do what you enjoy. Find your own meaning to what you wanna do. Do you enjoy lying in the sun? Well, enjoy that! Do you enjoy trying to do 1000 pushups in a streak, then practice! Do you enjoy solving apparently impossible equations? Train for that! Don't be held back by what anything in the universe could throw in your way.
>>6 im not op. and no i dont .. im over this.. just these thoughts still hit me sometimes..
Thank you, everyone (I am the op).
I guess that it is my immaturitiy that prevented me from seeing things the way that you guys have described. I guess that I will need to deciede for myself what actually matters, but I assume that for me, it will be hard.
Btw, I do not get panic attacks, but I assume that they must be horrible.
So...yeah...I guess I have a while to go, lol. I was feeling kind of like shit when I wrote that this morning, but now that I am feeling better I can kind of see how letting this all get to me doesn't help. Maybe it is because nothing truly and that we get to decide these things for ourselves, that there is no purpose in getting bothered.
Of course, without getting bothered once in a while, maybe nothing gets done?
Anyway, I am glad to see that I am not delusional in all of this, lol, and that (obviously) I am not the only one to feel this way from time to time.
Thanks again, guys (and girls) :D
>Of course, without getting bothered once in a while, maybe nothing gets done?
You nailed it. There's nothing like a bit of existential angst to keep you motivated into doing earnestly what you set yourself to do ^_^)
keep on working on it, op :3
OP, it does matter.
I know you said you don't want to seem like you are seeking help but really going to an anon forum and posting this is sorta asking for help. I was like you not that long ago but it got so bad I just kinda broke. I went to the school's psychological center and started talking to people. By God, It was not easy at all. It was very difficult but it was also something I need to do. I started to get a lot better once I started taking anti-depressants too....
.... only problem is I stopped going and stopped taking my medication. I'm going back to the way I used to be and I don't want to be like that anymore. I'm going to try to go back this week.
Get help and stay with it.