It has been said that "Man loves the process of attaining, but does not quite like to have attained." This is more or less the sum of my problem.
Whenever I hear--or even think--about other people that do things that I wish I could do or could have done, I often am filled with an intense envy. I am not angry, but frustrated with myself for not having accomplished these things. I feel like my "chance" is slipping away for whatever it is.
This reaction is mostly to sexual things. For one example, sometimes if I think about how many fourteen-year-olds out there are already getting blow jobs and sex, it makes me feel like I missed out in middle school.
The catch is, I don't actually want any of these things that badly! When I really do want something, I go after it. I'm actually pretty competent in being able to achieve goals that I set forth.
Yet my voracious hunger for attaining more, which seems to be human nature, drives me CRAZY when I hear about somebody that had a threesome with their friends, for example. The feeling is so strong that it really feels like a separate force; the "green-eyed monster." But as I said before, this feeling is not anger, as jealousy is usually portrayed--just frustration with my own life.
Even if I did go out and satiate my hunger by having a threesome or whatever, there would still be countless other things I didn't do for me to wish I had done. I just wish I could live without regrets!
So you are terrified by choice. But think about it: if you only had a so limited number of things to do in your life that they fit in your lifespan, wouldn't that be horrible? Don't be so anal retentive: if there are so many cool things to do, then great, it means you don't have to worry to much about doing everything right, because there will always be other options.
Actually, you could make your envy feelings useful by using them as an introspection tool. «so, I'm envious about a threesome? Nice, a new fantasy that works on me, pehaps I can use or expand it for fun and profit?»
The real drama wuld be if you were so stunned by life that you don't have any more desires, dreams, or envy
>The real drama wuld be if you were so stunned by life that you don't have any more desires, dreams, or envy
That phrase hurts me a little on the inside.
But it's okay. I'll survive :(
> The real drama wuld be if you were so stunned by life that you don't have any more desires, dreams, or envy
Thanks, that phrase actually means a lot to me. (Sorry, >>3.) I think it is better to always have something to strive for.
There are only so many things I don't regret. Unfortunately I don't remember them per se, but I'm confident that there are some. On the general level, I'm greedy. Not that I would want something that others have, but more like that I want which I don't have, as long as it doesn't frighten me. I've fooled myself to think that if I had loads of money, then I'd be happy, but who knows - maby I'm right about that one?
>>5
I can understand how you feel, and I think it's just human nature to be greedy. It's to our evolutionary advantage, after all.
When asked how much was enough, John D. Rockefeller answered, "Just a little bit more." This story is pretty cliche, and possibly apocryphal, but you get the point. Even if you had loads of money, you'd still want more.
The way I see it though, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's human nature to strive for more. Just don't compromise your morals!
How about, when the feeling wells up, you try not to think about how they got it and you didn't, and instead think of, for example, how threesomes aren't the biggest thing in life? I mean, and if you've ever had one, they're okay, but not that great. Focus on your own life and what fulfills you, and let people do what they do.
No no, I have my dignity after all. No compromising there.
You may well be right about that evolutionary aspect, good point. If I'd win in lottery, say 5 million, I would be happy as a miniature giant spacehampster, but after the rush, I'd want more. Sure thing, I could live with that money 'till the end ever working again, but I'd definately want more More MORE! All this rambling has brought me to my notice of monks of east [and the like] - have they forsaken the temptation of greed because they simply don't care about it, or is it all just masked rage for they can't acuire it anyways?
>All this rambling has brought me to my notice of monks of east [and the like] - have they forsaken the temptation of greed because they simply don't care about it, or is it all just masked rage for they can't acuire it anyways?
The tolerance of this kind of craving is exactly what monks are practising through meditation.
OP here, thanks for your comments everyone, I feel a bit better. However, I'm still struggling with a similar problem I didn't really mention in the first post but is just as bad.
When I read or hear about any sort of injustice, I overreact really badly. Whether it's somebody who got their bike stolen, or somebody whose girlfriend left them for their best friend, as long as there's humans involved it drives me crazy like the jealousy does.
It really annoys me that these things can drive me to such distraction when I'm an otherwise rational person. I think the problem is that I have some sort of irrational expectations of other humans to treat their fellow humans well, and that's why I'm so outraged when they don't follow this naive model. If something bad in nature happens to me, I can easily shrug it off and move on. But if another person wrongs me, it can drive me into depression. I wish I could just accept that people can't be expected to be perfect, and realize that people betray each other all the time, but somehow I just can't get over these "injustices."