I can't trust anyone at all on anything that really matters. I've been trying my best to not rely on anyone but I'm exhausted and depressed in various ways. Everyone just keeps pointing back to my so-called family and friends whom I can't trust. So, how do I keep going on alone?
tl;dr:
When I was young, I was abused by one parent in the presence of the other and extended family, all of whom ignored my plea for help. Since then, every little thing traced back to that incident.
Went for therapy in one year during high school. The parent who drove me there kept complaining how bad I make my family look and how much better they deserve than to have a crazy daughter like me. The one who had to be begged to show up for one session was only there to complain what a waste of time it was and there were better things to do.
Recently got in touch with another source of help but ended up to be all talk no walk. It's not hard to tell that they think I'm a nuisance and are trying to get me off their case asap. They brought up the abuse incident to the abuser, who claimed that it couldn't be helped due to stress.
When i need courage to keep going I tell myself "you don't need anyone, you were not born attached to anybody, just to a placenta and you got rid of it already"
Do you really want to continue alone?
Now, friends and family are handy. Take into account that family are not necessarily those with the same blood. If your family and friends are unreliable then look for new ones.
I say that if you're old enough then emancipate and keep your distance from them.
>>1
I can relate to your views of trusting. I too can not and will not trust anyone but myself but family is family and they will be your blood forever. However, what >>2 said is right. If the family is casting you as the black sheep then I think you should believe in yourself more. Someday, they will come back to you and they might ask help or whatever or probably not but you must learn to forgive them because they are your family and like >>2 said, family are not necessarily those with the same blood and I admit that I agree on that part. I know I shouldn't say I feel sorry for you but I want to say that you can do it alone and I'm here to help you out as well others who seek your help. I'm here rooting for ya.
Don't give up on anything that you might regret. Therefore, don't give up on yourself. I have done myself on things alone and managed to do it quite well. If I can do it, then you can.
>>1 best way of dealing with this. Get your mind of this for a while, do something that you love, and after you feel better, think about calmly. Yeah every one's gonna say "i did this" or i got through it so can you" not that theres anything wrong with it but that does really help. You have to figure out your way of doing things, but trust me on this, dont make things violent. Been there, done that, don't wanna go through that again. Also don't seek revenge on your abuser, its a waste of your time and that prick not worth it. Hope you find your answer soon, and sry if was too direct
Yes, most things are not worth doing at all like getting back at someone who have done something to you. It's not worth it at all.
> I can't trust anyone at all on anything that really matters.
In that case I have to ask, what matters for you?
> I've been trying my best to not rely on anyone but I'm exhausted and depressed in various ways. Everyone just keeps pointing back to my so-called family and friends whom I can't trust. So, how do I keep going on alone?
Everyone who? I certainly do not. You haven't explained why you're depressed, or why you think you are. What are the things that sadden you?
> When I was young, I was abused by one parent in the presence of the other and extended family, all of whom ignored my plea for help. Since then, every little thing traced back to that incident.
Well, that's bad. It's bad because there's two kinds of victims, those who get over it and those who don't, and judging by what you said "every little thing traced back to that incident", perhaps you have not gotten over it. It also explains why you feel that you can't trust anyone, since a close person to you (or if I read right, many of them, one by doing the act and the others by not stopping him/her) has betrayed you.
But lets look at it in another way, you can't change the past, but the past is there for us to make use of it. Which means you can only put up with it mentally. You were weak, and you were abused. You should realize the world is full of such people, and your only defence is to get strong - not physically but mentally.
> Went for therapy in one year during high school. The parent who drove me there kept complaining how bad I make my family look and how much better they deserve than to have a crazy daughter like me. The one who had to be begged to show up for one session was only there to complain what a waste of time it was and there were better things to do.
Forget about therapy. You need to figure this out yourself.
My advice is to treat all your relatives as necessary people in your life. Treat them in an apathetic manner, that is, don't show signs of love/happiness, nor hate/sadness to them. If any of them care for you, it'll be the time that they show it. Regardless of who does this, you shouldn't care. Your relatives are nothing in your life but relatives. Who knows the relatives of Einstein? I'm not saying you should become an Einstein - I'm saying that if Einsteins relatives are unknown, why should yours be important to anyone?
You need to give us more information, in particular try to answer my questions, because my advice is so vague it might be of no use.
Depressive people tend to lose friends, because despite their best efforts, friends don't seem to manage to help, become exhausted, and tend to distance themselves for self preservation. The same thing happens with family. So it's really not easy. In your case, the source of stress is coming from your family, which makes things even more complicated.
So I think your best bet is to have good time with your friends. Think about it: I'm sure you have friends who care for you, who have done efforts for you. Don't think they can save you, nobody can. So don't blame them for something which is outside their reach. It's ok to speak your heart to them from time to time, but don't use them as your emotional frustration garbage, that will wear them thin, despite their best intentions. Of course, some friends can be really fake and abusive, but you need to learn to make the difference and to be more positive about these things.
Same goes with your family. I doubt all your family members hate you. I know you feel that they dropped the ball, and are enraged towards them, but I'm sure it was also not fun for them. Apart from those who actively abused you, I would try to improve relationships with them. Remember, they can't save you from your depression, but then nobody can, so don't expect it from them. Your depression needs to be addressed by yourself with the help of a therapy. Once you have really integrated that, things will get easy. And don't wait for apologies and repentance from your abusive relatives in order to allow yourself to get better, because that's just not going to happen, and you need to live and move on despite that.
> So, how do I keep going on alone?
What is your goal?
Moving away from home?
Becoming physically independent from the aid of others?
Gain the emotional strength to keep on living and breathing?
I know where you're coming from, so if you have the means and you have the will I know you'll achieve it in no time.
YOUR TLDR IS LONGER THAN YOUR ORIGINAL POST OP.
I have to say, everybody knows that you should have more confidence in yourself, you shouldn't depend on others, you should seek your own way to be happy, you're great, beautiful and you just have to look at your good points and move on. And I also know that doesn't really help all that much. I mean, if your good points and problems were really that visible, and that only by seeing them you would be able to be happy, then there wouldn't be unhappy people in the world.
You should find people to support you, because you're not alone. There are more than 6 billion people in the world. Someone will see you, and tell you that it'll be ok, and that's probably the best support you're gonna get.
So, don't give up on everybody and try to be happy alone. Of course you shouldn't depend eveything on other people, but a little help is welcome.
As for your relatives, they are just people who happen to have the same blood as you. That doesn't make them your family. If they didn't help you, then you don't need them. You'll find your real family!
Good luck!
Seek revenge on those who hurt you. And after awhile you'll realize that is family
>Recently got in touch with another source of help but ended up to be all talk no walk.
The only one who can help you is yourself. Sounds like you're just a bit lazy, have yet to get over your past (I was abused too, you learn to accept it), and want to blame others. Doctors won't fix you with pills or monthly therapy sessions, you need take the initiative for yourself.
So what exactly happened? Did your dad just slap you around a bit in front of your family, or did he like sexually molest you while everyone was watching or something else that would be actually traumatizing?