i have a very bad habit when socialising or simply human interaction in general.
i'm an introvert, so socialising in general saps my energy instead of making me feel more alive, like for extroverts.
when i'm talking to people, if i get a bad first impression, like i think the person i'm talking to is shallow or has a world view that is in conflict with my own, i become really disinterested and make little to no effort in sustaining the conversation...depending on my mood i might even be downright rude and just turn away after a monosyllabic response and get back to reading my book or something.
even if i'm talking to a friend or acquaintance, if they start talking about something i have no interest in, or if they're not very good storytellers (some people talk engagingly and can make their trip to the supermarket sound like a booker prize novel...that i have no problem with) i just tune out and have no idea how to respond. again, i can't stop myself from being disinterested cos i really don't give a shit.
i'm starting to recognise this is a problem...i understand the importance of networking and socialising. i've seen the power of being social and getting on the good books of everyone you meet...some of my friends have that gift and it's immense. i'll be doing a communications and media course at university and so it'll be really important for me to work on this problem.
any tips? thanks for reading.
I can relate to your problem and it seems you and I are probably on the same boat.
What I do when I'm interested in something that someone is talking about with me, I would just say: Oh... or I see... or Oh really?... Something with a one or two words to reply. I know when I say this to them after talking about something that's not even interesting to me, I get the feeling that I'm not listening to what they're saying and that I'm not interested. In fact, I don't care. All the things they talk about is something anyone would talk about but to me it's stupid and not interesting at all. Sometimes I force myself to pretend that I am interested and look for ways to continue the subject that they are talking about but in the end it's boring and not interesting. For the most part, I like to talk about life, facts about anything and everything. I'm not interested in talking about what movie you last watched, what's the new game you're playing, new songs, stupid gossips, overrated news like that Jonas brother dancing to single ladies song.
I think you should find something to talk about with them and see if they are interested what you are talking about. Maybe you will find yourself what you and the person you're talking with, the views you have on each other. It can be interesting to see people's views on some certain interesting subjects.
BOTH OF YOU, GIVE EACH OTHER YOU AIM, NOW!
I apologize. I refuse to give OP my AIM because of your demand.
OP, I wouldn't be taking any advice from Ryuuchi on how to socialise.
If you're listening to a story drone on and on, and you want to appear interested, but you're clearly not, try to find places to ask small questions. It's important to let them finish their story however, so don't try to ask leading questions that will take ages to explain. That way you have to keep a track of the conversation, and at the same time you're feigning interest. It's best if these questions interest you, so you seem more genuine.
Example: So like, I went to the mall the other day, and saw so many cute dresses, and like I didn't know which one to try on because they were all so cute. But then my sister tells me You have a sister? Yeah.. Younger or older? Younger by like two years. Oh ok, I didn't know...go on Yeah, so she tells me to try on this blue one..
Also body language also helps. Tilting your head ever so slightly to one side shows that you're listening.
A smile also works wonders.
>>6
You shouldn't be sorry.
I think you feel resigned and sorry too often, and too easily.
Is that so? I should kick it up a notch every now and then.
>>7 The things you say are interesting.
I'm like this, but I've never felt the need to talk about it. I often end things with one word answers, and find it hard to answer some things.
For instance, I'm quite tall and people say "Gosh, aren't you tall?", to which I reply. "Yes" and just look at them. Like. Where do they expect the conversation to o from there? They asked a question and got the answer.
Since going to University I've kinda realised how important making friends is if you don't want to sit inside playing games all day. I guess I'm more social now, but I still retain qualities from before.
Like OP said with interesting topics, if theres a conversation going on at the table and I'm not interested, I won't give any input, even if I'm the only one silent. Most of these conversations are duplicates anyway, I've heard all these stories before.
Find someone interesting in the crowd.
Usually there's at least one; stick with them. :)
Sorry dude, but if you really wanted to socialise, you WOULD give a damn. To me, you just want things to come easily. Well, sorry, but that's probably not going to happen.
>>5 's got a point. It's a good way to look interested.
But, should you really depend only on others to talk? If you don't like the topic, than change it. Hell, a conversation requires at least 2 people, right? Where's your share?
By the way, don't think that everybody likes only chatty people.
Well if you feel like you're that bad,
just pretend you care
until you actually do.
Worked for me.
>>13 smile and move your head up and down, as agreeing with things.. or making faces as looking a puppy-like (rise eyebrows) and make O-shape with your mouth..
this is how u pretend.. literally
I think you guys are in a different state of mind as if you'd be if you were talking to a someone directly in real life. Perhaps you should try to socialize in a different manner, instead of talking about something that you would normally bring up something else that interest you. You guys that do relate, i think he's right perhaps you should give each other your AIM, he wasn't trying to give a demand, just trying to help you guys. Any Q's, message me, I_ema_ho. that is my AIM I don't really appreciate spam for the rest of you who do read this.
I stay quiet in most conversations with my friends more tan I do with strangers. ( but that's because most of my friends conversations are about cars...)
but frankly I just walk away or plainly ask to change the subject to something that I might find vaguely interesting.
The main point about my technique is that I always stay positive.
I'm always smiling, laugh at someone's jokes even if it is terrible, and be enthusiastic.
Oh and something that always makes me feel good, smile at someone you don't know whilst walking past in the street, a bit of eye contact and a slight nod. See the results!
Its no good just looking like your interested, the person your talking might as well be talking to a brick wall for that matter.
You've got to be active, spit something out, anything even if your the only one interested in it. Without the determination to do it you'll get nowhere.