I know it's the whole Asian stereotype to be super smart and get all A's in the honors / AP courses, but I just don't fit that stereotype.

My older sister just graduated this year and went to Johns Hopkins University. Early Decision. Majoring in BioMed Engineering. >_< You can guess what the expectations for me are.

Problem is, I'm just not as motivated nor as confident as her. I can't just force myself to do something like talk to my teachers or my counselors. After several bad teachers, I've developed a phobia of talking to teachers and other authorities. And no matter how much I try, I just can't get to that A level in some of my classes and I end up with B's instead.

My parents are stressed right now with my dad being close to losing my job, so seeing B's on my report card doesn't make them any happier. I don't even want to know what I got on the AP tests I took this year >_<.

My dream has been to go to an out-of-state college / university of a decent level, and I'm losing hope that I'll even go to a university.

I'm also pretty much screwed religiously, because I feel that God enjoys stomping out every one of the dreams I have. I'm extremely tempted to say I became an agnostic this week.

I know this is just plain ranting about trivial stuff, but I really need some emotional support right now, whether it be from friends or strangers. If you would leave a kind word of advice or something, that'd be wonderful.