/b/, I just came here today (I'm so glad for the staff of 420chan for making cool boards, for THEY SMOKE FAT BLUNTS.) because I have a serious problem and as desperate as it is to come to a chan, I have no one else to turn to, so the (lack of) advice is all I have.

Last night, me and three friends had some booze at my expense, at my house, with me providing the food and some entertainment. I had about eight shots but one of them had upwards of thirteen and was puking vehemiously. I helped him a bit and went to bed in a separate room. As you can guess, he claims to have found semen in his anus and is blaming it on me, after he thanked me and played Brawl with me in the morning with all his clothes on and no evidence or claim of me having done so at the time. He is threatening to go to the police and since he is underage b& and I'm not, I'm seriously considering becoming an hero or taking him with me. I understand those are drastic and whiny measures, but the situation he has put me in leaves little else. Now he is blackmailing me for $200 in the public center not to tell anyone. I have offered to do this but will resort to a final solution if given the choice, if nothing else for some lulz to hear in the news.

TL;DR Being screwed and blackmailed over something I probably didn't do, plz help.

I also posted it on another chan so this (as of yet) is not official copypasta.