i've been needing to let all of the stuff on my mind out, because its been dwelling in there for a while, which is why I went anon.
Here goes.
I'm black, or african-american, and 22 years old. I can never find people besides a very narrow group of friends that share my own views on life and purity. My cousins are pigs when it comes to women, treating them as objects of desire. My dad and my uncles are the same. I have two sisters and a mom, but somehow I don't fit with them, which I never have minded much anyway. I love anime and manga, but not out of some disillusionment of what I really am, just out of a love for japanese storytelling.
My life is a great one. My parents have high profile jobs, i'm able to study what I want, and be able to come to a large home where i'm welcome. I should appreciate all of this, and I do, very much so.
The problem is that at some point last year, something happened to me. Something so heinous, so irritating, so horridly aggravating, mind bending, and destructive that it makes me feel....Alone.
I fell in love.
I have fancied some girls in the past, though nothing really came of it. My first sexual experience was a horrid one a year ago that my dad had a part in so that he could make his son, "A MAN". I had some problems in high school, all of which steam from my own shyness and low-self esteem. People tried to push me into things. Girls sort-of notice me, but i've just never been receptive. I took anti-depressants for 2 years, just stopped a few months ago. So like everyone elses life, it's been ups and downs.
it happened last summer. I met her in the lunchroom, and thought nothing much, since I never really had experience in that kind of thing. shes asian, and seemed nice enough. She was entertaining and a little introverted. As I got to know her, I found her to be interesting to be around. I became a slobbering puppy dog before I knew it.
Before I could turn into a complete "friend-zoned" slave, I just straight told her that I like-liked her. I just couldn't tell her that I loved her, or that every day I see her is a beautiful day, or say how special she was....Etc etc. I was just a dog chasing after a bone in the sky. She did the indirect "I don't like you like that".
It's something about her that I can't describe in words. I sometimes have trouble breathing, because the thought of her suffocates me. If I can't perform to her expectations, I feel an iron noose churning at my throat. If another guy shows interest in her, im crushed. I avoided her so that I wouldn't destroy myself in torment for the one girl that makes me feel whole.
Now I...I can feel it becoming more than what I felt before. It's like my feelings are a tree growing higher and higher, spreading branches through my heart. Even with what she said, I can't stop thinking about her. She's always in my mind, in my dreams. No other girl is like her, she has such an amazing spirit and personality. She lights up any room she's in. Everyone can feel it. Shes wonderful.
I know that it might be impossible, but I can't stop wanting to be with her everyday. Tell me, guys, what do you do? What do you do when the one thing you want more than any sort of dream, aspiration, material object, or reputation feels so far away that you can't even see it? How do you deal with this kind of thing?
"What do you do?" you ask? You FIGHT, man, fight!! Remember: those who repress their love is because it is weak enough to be repressed. Is that how your love is?
How can you say you love her that much if just by one turn down you talk like you have no chance? She didn't say she hated you, right? How does she act around you? Is she nice to you? Is there anything you can use to your advantage?
Be tough, don't lose hope!! I'm cheerin' for you!
\o/
you get off your cloud and socialize show that your interesting and also caring.talk to her friends after you become friends with them you ask them about the person you like (you can ask the girl but i dont want you to faint or you know what you should faint because if she cares for you she'll be first by you bedside) then when your together send me an email and i write this as a love story because i feel sooooo warmm and good right know.
:::starts to cry and starts looking for a Japanese Drama to watch:::
So basically you declared your interest, and she turned you down. Are you still spending time together, or have you stopped meeting each other?
What you should do about it depends on her reactions. If she was ambivalent, kind of maybe, maybe not, then I think you should push for it, it's very hard to resist someone who really shows interest for you.
But if her rejection was frank and without appeal, then you just have to accept it and let that story rest. You won't be the first to whom this happens, and however painful it is, you need to learn to move on, in order to one day find someone with whom you can have a fruitful relationship.
My suggestion is, that you continue at the friend-zone and see where that takes you.
IMO it was a mistake to tell her so early that you like-like her.
OP, she said she didn't feel that for you; so <i>make</i> her feel that way.
Don't be so orz and make the best of the relationship you have with her now.
>>2
oh fighting won't work in this kind of situation. I think I should just avoid her.
>>3
Honestly, I have no need for this. I'm obviously far more sociable and likable than you, so why should I listen to you? I guess being butthurt is painful, huh....
>>4
If it was frank I wouldn't care. But I don't really care anymore anyways. Shes poison. Thanks for the advice though.
>>5
I dunno if I really want to see her anymore at this point. Shes strange....One minute she seems genuine, the next she doesn't talk to you for months at a time. I think she just plays with people to feed her own ego. I'm not the first person she's done this to.
>>6&7
I think its best if I just not do anything. I'll find someone someday. But for now its best if I just work on myself. I'd rather be by myself and happy, than be with another and be miserable. Thanks though.
OP, sounds like you just solved your problem. It looks like you know that you would be better off without her.
I know that logic is sometimes blurred from infatuation, but you just have to step outside and take a closer look. You seem like strong person, don't let this foil your plans for a great life.
> I think you underestimate me...
I disagree. Considering you wrote all this:
> It's something about her that I can't describe in words. I sometimes have trouble breathing, because the thought of her suffocates me. If I can't perform to her expectations, I feel an iron noose churning at my throat. If another guy shows interest in her, im crushed. I avoided her so that I wouldn't destroy myself in torment for the one girl that makes me feel whole.
Now read >> 10 and explain how he underestimated you.
I was going to say something along the lines of what >>10 said, but it seems to me that you don't want advice.
>>12 I think OP meant overestimate, but wrote underestimate
shouldnt this belong in /love?
>>14
sry...I have never had any sort of connection with anyone before, and I felt like over in /love i'd get more baseless assumption and heartfelt sentiments than what I truly needed: A firm, hard slap of reality. You guys don't hold back.
god, this is why I stopped browsing /personal/. Too many people who remind me of... well, me.
Black guy, early 20s, anime/manga fan, somewhat well off family, shy, anti-depressants, fell in love with some Asian chick... who are we talking about here?
You're probably way more social than I am, though. I have no friends here (through my own actions, or rather lack thereof.) Virgin, never asked a girl out... from where I'm standing you're probably pretty well off.
Also, if she was the type she sounds like to me, it would make sense if she wasn't interested in you that way. Probably the kind of type whose parents would threaten to kill them if they went out with a black guy, so they really never considered it.
You're going to have to let her go, because no matter how much you chase her, you will never catch her.
Here's a little story for you. About three years ago I fell hard for a guy. Whenever we talked time would whizz by, and stand still at the same time. He just broke up with someone he dated for five years a month before. We got involved, and then he started talking about how much I resembled his ex. He started talking to her, even though he said he would never talk to her again, and I got scared.
Because I fell so hard and got so scared he ended up labeling me as possessive and crazy, but for four months did not say it was over. Finally he said he didn't want to date anyone. A week later he had a girlfriend. It took me two years to get over him, and how I got over him was to tell him to fuck off. After some time he wanted to be friends again, out of the blue. I told him to fuck off. Only then was I totally over him.
So OP, take some time to think. What is more important? Do you want to try to win her over? Do you just want to get over her? If your feelings are too strong not spending time with her may be best, and if she toys with you let her know what sort of bitch she is. If you want to break the emotional ties you have with her then the best thing to do is break the real ties with her. If you remain friends and keep seeing her you will still love her. Think about it.
>>18
LOL wow for some reason I always figure i'm "the only one" like this. Don't worry. I was you at 20. You'll eventually make friends, it just takes time for some people. I found that by first looking for people within my "niche" I could find people I could easily connect with. As far as the asian chick thing...How far did you get? I didn't even get in the hitters box. lol
>>19
Yeah, obviously I don't want to become something i'm not for someone that doesn't care for me the way I care for me. Besides, there are tons of girls out there that could do it better. I just need to be ready for that one girl, that's all. You know, i've noticed that one-sided romances often come from inexperience and insecurity. I know there was one month where I felt like I HAD to spend time with this person or else she'll find somebody else. If love is there, that isn't necessary. I don't care that I haven't had a real girlfriend at 22. That doesn't matter. What matters is that I explore life and try to have fun in the process. And what happens, happens.
...I can say all that, but It won't mean shit once I see her again.....
>Don't worry. I was you at 20.
I said early 20s. Just turned 24 a few days ago. So I'm older than you, and would probably be considered as "mid-20s" now. :p
>How far did you get? I didn't even get in the hitters box.
Same. I'm too nice+shy so I've never tried to flirt with anyone or ask them out.
Wow, we should be bros then lol. I'm shy, but really i've digressed into such an underachiever and a socially awkward individual it makes it hard to relate to other people. I am being more proactive than I use to be, but it doesn't help that I still go home for the summer. I figure that this school year I need to work out most of my insecurities, meet people, and better myself in any way possible.