Starving for interpersional connection (8)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2009-08-10 02:03 ID:XYxB+7Rs

So hey. Never posted here before.

I just moved out of my parents house, turned 21, and am loving every minute of it. The only problem is, I just broke up with my girlfriend (long story short, she just is not caring anymore and I can't even talk to her).

She was one of my best friends for a long, long time. I specifically remember telling her that I had no friends after moving 45 minutes to an hour away from my parents' house. Her response was "Well, you have me. And you can have my friends!" And for the most part, that was very true. I did have her, and her friends were awesome people. That's all gone now.

Now, granted, classes start again in a few weeks, so we'll see how that ends up. But for now, I'm friendless and girl-less (for the first time since high school). Not to mention sexless. Different story there, though.

I guess my point is... how do I meet people? I've never been good at it. I've always felt like people are annoyed by me or something. Like they wouldn't wanna hang out with me. Like they just tolerate me when they see me at work/class/whatever.

Need. Interpersional. Connection.

2 Name: Anonymous : 2009-08-10 05:06 ID:jus8nBqz

My life is surprisingly similar to yours, so I can sympathize. Unfortunately, because of that, you'll have to take my advice with a grain of salt. It's like the blind leading the blind.

I think the main reason most interpersonal connections fail is self-centeredness. You have to think and care about other people before they'll care about you. Let your heart go out to other people and then you can forge a connection.

When you talk to somebody at work/class, try to figure out what they would want you to say or ask them. It takes a lot of practice to read the signs and figure out how to best connect with people. I'm still working at it.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2009-08-10 05:10 ID:qUCWUIWI

I take it that you're going to a school or college of some sort since you've mentioned that classes start in a few weeks. There are clubs and fraternities out there, right? During the first few weeks of school, those clubs should be handing out flyers and recruiting like crazy. Maybe you could give those a shot?

And if you're living in a college dorm or suite kind of thing, you can get to know the people who are living on your floor. It's real easy 'cause you live together and (hopefully) see each other often. I find that of all the people I've met in college, the ones that I still talk to and visit are my suitemates.

Also, try to find out if there are any online groups that share your interests. For instance, if you like riding bikes, you could check out Critical Mass meetups. Look for those groups and find out if they have local meetings and things like that.

Hopefully that gives you some ideas. Good luck!

4 Name: Anonymous : 2009-08-11 06:14 ID:XYxB+7Rs

>>1 here.

Actually, I'm attending classes at a community college near the apartment I moved into. Right near the biggest city in the greater area, the capital of the state. I KNOW there's a lot to do in the city I live 15 minutes outside of, I just don't know anyone to do it with, really.

I know there will be cool people in my computer networking/repair classes. A number of the people in my Intro classes will be in my classes this semester, so I'll probably know people and make an effort to hang out with some of them.

Thanks, kids. :D

5 Name: Anonymous : 2009-08-11 13:45 ID:9LeNSvmT

>>4 meet people with common interests, and do stuff revolving around those interests together. All the rest should ensue naturally from there.

It also helps to be a good listener, care about people, and take initiatives and invite others to join them.

6 Name: Anonymous : 2009-10-05 17:20 ID:R5EFmAax


That might sound good on paper, but that is what gets people burned real quick. I have lost count of many times I thought I had a "friend", tell that "friend" something that might have been a little embarrassing or something somewhat secretive only to have that "friend" throw it back in my face and make it public where I get humiliated in front of others. In school and college, I truly lost track of how often that happened. Towards the end of school, I stopped trying to have friends and just being around people in general. A fuck up like that in the work force can get you unemployed.

I think the real difference between school and being an adult is in school, they pick on you (and people that pick on you DO NOT LIKE YOU, period) and bully you, as an adult, you are ignored. Not invited to key meetings or social events that might advance your career. Women standards all of the sudden go way up and become unrealistic.

I do not have a napoleon or short man complex but being short DOES hurt your career and marriage prospects and that is a statistical fact.

All I can offer the OP is to keep people at arms length at first until you are REALLY sure they can be trusted as friends.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2009-10-05 17:27 ID:R5EFmAax

#6 here...

Almost forgot. I also noticed with people (and it happened a lot) is I used to share sometimes personal info about myself with people (again whom I thought were my friends) but one day I realized by accident that I almost knew nothing about them. I started being careful about what I shared with people about two years ago when I was talking with this coworker (and it was a guy) and I just asked him once where is lived, part of a conversation. He asked me why he should tell me. I said I told him where I lived once and he said so what. He got very stand offish about it. Females are the same way, but worse.

Hell I have seen women never give me the time of day or any personal info but once I went to a club and saw a woman I hit on a few weeks before sharing her personal info including her fucking ADDRESS and phone number with several people at the table she was at. So blow me off but broadcast your personal info to strangers?

So OP, there is something else, take great care in sharing personal info as to not get screwed over.

8 Name: marucita : 2009-10-08 01:18 ID:MijiXURg

It´s fine you wanna have friends or a girlfriend,but my impression is that you actually wanna run away from solitude. Facing the fact of being alone and talking to yourself would be so necessary instead of using others to avoid that.
I don´t know youwell enough, but that´s so common and a pretty easy way to get rid of uncomfortable feelings.
Good luck :)

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