Schooling a hikikomori! (5)

1 Name: Eri : 2009-09-08 00:18 ID:wh2w0nFF

Since the hiki board on anonib is gone I figure I'll ask this here... :3

I've been a hiki for a number of years now. Before you go "LOL BITCH hikikomori is a cultural thing" I'll elaborate.

I was kicked out of high school when I was 16, now I'm 20. I was kicked out due to poor attendance (I was going perhaps once a week) and messing with the Toronto District School Board network. I also suffered from very severe depression, social phobia, was raped as a kid, and resorted to drugs and self harm often. Basically a huge fuck up. After being kicked out I created this shell around me and simply stayed inside my house. It was much easier than trying to get help. My family was fairly pissed off, but while they are great parents, they were not the most responsible at that time. And so I've basically sat inside the 4 walls of my house for the past 5 years, isolated from the outside world except for the odd time I do venture outside.

My family, while they still support me, are obviously tired of me being here. I'm ashamed to be like this but shit happens. I made some bad decisions and don't blame anyone but myself for it. Nonetheless, I figure enough is enough. I have mustered up the courage to finally attempt college or university (separate entities in Canada). I got my GED a while back and passed no problem. So I've been looking at options...

Anyway, my post isn't so much about school, but rather, what can I expect? I'm still very shy and since I've been isolated for so long I have a very hard time speaking to people in real life. Thoughts don't flow the way they should, and when I speak with people, most of the time it's an incomprehensible, socially awkward mess. It's like my social growth is suck at a 16 year old's level (though in reality it's not).

I assume this will create a ton of problems, if not trigger me back into being a hikikomori. Superficial things like group work scare the hell out of me. Soooo I was wondering if anybody who is shy that's been in or is in college can help me? Am I simply worrying too much or is it really going to be hard? It's stuff like this that makes isolating yourself so much easier than dealing with it. But obviously you can't live like that forever.

Sorry if this post doesn't really make any sense. Even online I have a hard time expressing thoughts, even though it's been my "home" for years. I'd like to put more but it's already long enough. Thanks! :)

2 Name: FellowTorontonian : 2009-09-08 01:27 ID:HWHNWRHY

Hey I read this post and it caught my eye, Im also from toronto Im 24 I dropped out of school at 15 so that I could leave home and get away from an abuse situation. I was very troubled and often lashed out at teachers and others. 2 years ago I got my GED, I currently have a good job working at sick kids hospital and work as a member of the OR staff, don't worry things have a general way of working out, and Im sure where ever life leads you your striong enough to get through it.

PS. I'm glad to see someone else from the TDot uses lol

3 Name: Anonymous : 2009-09-08 07:47 ID:/LWzseHe

My understanding on what a University and College is:
A University is a collection of Colleges, Arts, Law, etc..

Well, it seems like you are only going to University, because thats what is expected of young people. That isn't a good start. But I suggest you go for walks around town, that will help with your anti-social behavior; Interaction even if it is minimal, is good.

4 Name: Anonymous : 2009-09-08 18:17 ID:pKPC62GY

The answer is quite simple: it will be hard at first, but for sure it won't be as hard as what you're projecting in your mind.

It may sound corny, but there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Don't overthink situations, and don't be afraid of failure. A little fumble here and then isn't that big of a thing, and will help you build up from scratch.

5 Name: Anonymous : 2009-09-09 05:50 ID:lqfiXBqx

Do a bit of research on your future institution: what kind of activities do they have, if they have a student organization, etc.

If they have a student organization (likely), then go meet them, and ask them how did they socialize, how did they spend their fun time there, etc. Learn about the places where you could meet people, and do activities that interest you.

When you start classes, be open and curious about other people. Everyone will be a bit scared, just like you. So be frank and outgoing. Just asking the name of the other person, and where do they come from, or where are they living is enough as a conversation starter. You also don't need to overdo things. A first contact can be as simple as saying hi and learning each other's name. Afterwards, don't hesitate to start talking with those people again, they will be happy about it.

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