I'm currently eighteen since December. I guess my issues aren't nearly as serious other threads here but this feels like one of those topics talking to friends or even my sister about would lead to me not being taken seriously or they'd be more fixated on 'Don't you ever talk about suicide!' (I got that once, and for the record I don't think I'm suicidal, at least seriously).
I tend to feel really awkward about my interations with people in general. I'm not really good at starting interactions or getting closer to people and it doesn't help that I know I'm an odd person who says weird things on occasion when they just slip out. There are times I say something that just really feels like it was something that made me look like a complete idiot (and maybe people are just being polite and not saying anything but it feels like that's what they think) and even though I outwardly tell people I don't really care what people think about me it just sticks out with me. I end up feeling really depressed over it for some reason and I keep thinking about it'd be better to just commit suicide because it'd be better than having people deal with the idiot I think I am at times. I don't really know why I keep thinking like that or why I keep second guessing myself and feeling hypersensitive about things. I want to change, both in how I feel about myself and any weird comments that slip out, but I'm not really sure how to go about it without screwing up...
Actually, I think you're ok. Most people don't care much about the others, so even if you say something really ackward nobody will care. So, it's ok if you screw it up. I'm fine with it.
>I tend to feel really awkward about my interations with people in general.
Practice makes perfect. For people who are not naturally sociable, it's a skill that must be learned. The good news is that you can learn it, and become quite good with experience. Complaining that you don't feel at ease in social settings is like complaining that you can't ride a bike. Train to ride, and you'll become good.
>I keep thinking about it'd be better to just commit suicide because it'd be better than having people deal with the idiot I think I am at times.
Don't worry about being a bother to people, they have much more personal and serious concerns to deal. Committing suicide is not the best way to become sociable. A more successful strategy is to meet people who share your interests. What are your interests?
Why would you kill yourself over something as petty as that? Obviously, you've yet to find anything/anyone worth living for. Go do that.
And don't worry about what people think when you say something stupid. Anyone that thinks less of you for doing so is not the sort of person you'd want to be with in the first place.
I used to have suicidal thoughts myself as a kid, back when I had no one close to me. I'm damn glad I didn't kill myself, though, because if I did, I never would have met the love of my life...