i come off as a slightly odd/socially awkward, but generally goofy and really fun person. it's a big fat facade though- no one really knows how much i want to give up or how low i really am mentally. i really have very little to live for myself, so i understand where you are coming from OP.

however, i always think that if it ever comes down to me really wanting to do it one day, instead i should just take off- like do something crazy that i've always wanted to do, or just take a back pack and start walking somewhere or something. at that point i'd have nothing left to lose so i might as well throw my life to fate and see if anything interesting happens.

really i can't ever seriously consider suicide, because i would never want to traumatize the people in my life like that. that is something that really leaves a scar, even after their lives go on and they start to forget you.

i also have siblings/friends who have their own issues, and i don't want to give them any incentive to hurt themselves.