>and its actually them thats causing you to have these suicidal thoughts?

>i dont really have control over my own life, pretty much.

Listen skippy, let's get one thing straight: these are YOUR thoughts. It's not like other people can go into your brain and hit a "feel good" or a "feel bad" switch. I've been in your shoes before and I can tell you right now it is your fault you feel this way. Other people may do shitty things to you, but you are the one who has control of your thought patterns, and most likely (assuming you are not a POW or something) control of your behavioral patterns as well.