For the last two years or so, I've been living with my mother ever since I tried being on my own. When I was alone, my mental illness flared up and really affected me (stop going to class, very rarely stepped outside, didn't bathe/groom for months, detailed plan of suicide, strong feeling of wanting to got tho another realm), but no one really knows about that. I have gone to multiple therapists and programs, but nothing worked (because I don't want to change) and not much different since (rarely go out unless I'm forced, need to be told to bathe/groom, don't take meds... etc.). I'm going to a new therapist soon, but I'm quite suspicious of what's going to happen; I plan to do nothing in session, but I feel something more is going to happen to me (such as a "verbal process report," what ever that is).
In overall, how can I stay like this? I know I won't be able, nor want, to go out and keep a job/place and am applying for disability soon. I've sort of grown pretty used to my paranoia and voices and such, so I don't like taking my pills. I just want everything to remain stagnant with being here and with my therapist.
>I've sort of grown pretty used to my paranoia and voices and such, so I don't like taking my pills. I just want everything to remain stagnant with being here and with my therapist.
So basically all is fine and proper, it seems. Glad to see you are satisfied as you are. Keep it up.
>>1
You won't change unless you want to. That's the bottom line. A smoker doesn't quit smoking unless they want to. And if they quit for someone other than themself, they ultimately fall into bad habits. You must want change for yourself if you are ever to change yourself.
> In overall, how can I stay like this?
Impossible. One day, your mother will die and she will not be able to support you.
At this point you will find yourself alone again, possibly on the streets.
So you have two options: choose to get better or let yourself get worse.
fight yourself through to become better person.
good luck, op!
If you stay the way you are, things will change around you, everything is in flux and a lot of it is outside of your control.
Your main aim, I think, is to work towards a state when you will feel able to get a job and become a fully fledged member of society. The fact you don't want to or feel able to is a component of the sickness.