Not believing in myself and wondering who I am... (5)

1 Name: Nobody : 2009-10-25 13:37 ID:nV+/TIBR

OK, so I have always had issues believing in myself. No matter what my family or any one of my friends say I just can't seem to believe that I can do things. Not only that I can't really figure out who I am as a person. I mean when I am around my friends or anyone at my school I clam up and in the end I tend to follow and become a lot like that person and cant seem to distinguish who I am. And of course in the end the person either distances them-self from me or, like one person did, calls me a copycat.

I just don't know because I have things I like doing, and at home I act completely different than I do at school. Sometimes I wonder why I care, and then again I know why I do. And its because I want to be able to actually do things and not have a little voice in my head say 'But wont this happen, or wont someone say this..' And I cant help but just turn away from the opportunity, whatever it may be.

Oh and with the fact that I follow someone around and act like them could it be because I don't know what to say?
And what do I do? Please help...

2 Name: Anonymous : 2009-10-25 14:02 ID:zzYVjCiG

You imitate people because you lack self confidence, and fear that behaving naturally will cause rejection. It's also a shortcut into trying different strategies, which can be helpful sometimes, but problematic if exaggerated. Let's say you rely too much on a single technique of socialization.

As for what to do, I suggest you center your initiatives not so much in going with people, but doing stuff that interests you with them (sports, games, music, movies, whatever works for you). Because you are doing something, you are distracted from your anxieties, and because the group shares your interests, the acceptance level is very high. Since you have things you like doing, turn them into group activities.

Once you are more comfortable with people, you will gradually realize that in truth they don't care so much about how you look and behave, and it's ok to just be yourself.

3 Name: Nobody : 2009-10-25 14:51 ID:nV+/TIBR

Thanks I'll try and focus on what you said for it was really helpful :)

4 Name: marucita : 2009-10-25 21:15 ID:MWBX5/4u

I really understand you OP,cause I´m doing through that too. Though I don´t consider myself a copycat, I do accept I´m always trying to make people like me,even without consciously wanting it. And I totally hate that. I can´t stand rejection and that leads me to not being myself in many ways. But...who are ourselves honestly? I there a pure self?. I feel I´m completely influenced by others, but also I admit that no influence at all would be absurd. Every type of talk or interaction affects us.
How to be ourselves then?.
You and >2 are right,I guess it´s a matter of lack of self confidence. Makes me feel awful anyway,like a stupid ant,always controlled.
Good luck for you. I still doubt if changes are really possible...let´s try to think they are.

5 Name: Nobody : 2009-10-26 01:24 ID:nV+/TIBR

Well I think changes are possible because whether I see it or not my friends told me that I have changed a little bit since last year ^-^ So I think there is hope but hearing from others that you don't see everyday makes a difference

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