Successes and Failures and Everything in Between, Beside, Above and Below (119)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-15 03:40 ID:S7gvVkeR

I thought it would be a good idea to make a sort of group journal here, of our plans, our days, our lives, whatever. Why?

Because I think a lot of people here could use it, including myself. There are many here with lots of insight, and obviously many who come here who have problems, so I thought we could post some things about our lives (that is, our successes, and our failures, thoughts, and so on) and receive insight and support from each other, and also because, as a very wise man once said "You never know what you're really thinking until you write it down". (hope this is as good an idea as it sounds in my head lol)

So, I'll start off here, hopefully I can give you a better idea of what I'm thinking of.

Today I looked in the mirror and saw that I had really improved my body, and my style, and I really liked the way I looked. I've been working out for the past several months (sans most of the holiday vacation, plus a little time off for a minor surgery) so I'm glad to see it's paid off.

I also realized I promised to give my mom a christmas present (that is, to re-do a part of her house) but I keep forgetting to do it! AGH! Although in my defense, I had a surgery just before the holidays, so I was doped up and laid up for a while up to and afterward.

And I've wanted to sell my old ps2 and all my games for the last month or two but ffs I keep getting distracted. orz

2 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-15 03:59 ID:VV9tYnCT

I think this is a good idea for a thread, so I'll do my best to contribute.

I came home today, and had a but load of class work to do. I avoided doing it then, so now I'm up late working at it. I'm thinking it's time for another haircut, but I'm always somewhat apprehensive about it.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-15 05:40 ID:HyB9foGj

>I came home today, and had a but load of class work to do. I avoided doing it then, so now I'm up late working at it.

LOL I can relate. Back when I was in highschool (and a little bit in college as well) I was always up at like 2 am doing class work because I always came up with excuses to get out of it, and just played video games or whatever [porn, internet] instead.

I finally got my ass in gear and pulled through. I got on the honor roll the last year in high school. The early college classes I took were a joke though (lol 2 year college) so I could afford to be lazy with them. (not that it was a good idea either way)

4 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-15 06:01 ID:y3OmKFzx

I failed first year uni and got kicked out. Took a year to work in a lumber mill manual labour... i left everything and decided to go to a place away from home and friends to change myself and prove to them and more so myself that i can do better.

5 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-17 00:25 ID:VV9tYnCT

I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth today, and found ants crawling around in the cup I keep my toothbrushes in. So I boiled the toothbrush in hot water before I brushed. I can't take these monkey fighting ants in my Monday to Friday bathroom!

6 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-17 01:09 ID:JWMDH0xC

I haven't been able to clear my mind from thinking that I've wasted the last few years of my life fucking around. People my age have either just graduated college or four years into a career. I haven't begun walking towards either of those yet. I guess I wouldn't be able to do anything else by now anyway.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-18 09:18 ID:KVx869CU

I'm trying to avoid that, but fresh out of high school, I had nothing. Now I am basically living as a hermit, trying to get a job (I mean it, and it's tough out there), some real friends, and not slip back into the depths of madness nor laziness. It's not going so well on any of these. I spent my last time before bed researching psychoactives and examining my past mistakes, blameless.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-20 02:38 ID:3Wrj/Pu8

I don't get why people get worried about haircuts. Especially guys. The worst that can happen is that you get a bad one, at it takes a month to growth out. Highschool is the time for experimenting anyway.

I like stories like this. It makes me feel more normal about my life.

9 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-20 15:19 ID:Vz0MG6SU


How is that going? I was thinking of doing the same. I live in Canada right now and, suffice to say, my life was a FUCK UP like no other.

I was thinking of moving to England or Ireland and starting over. The reason being, I'm from an Irish born family and a Canadian citizen, which allows me to study, work or live anywhere in the UK under Ancestry Clearance. I was thinking of heading to Belfast or London or somewhere smaller and just finding a job, new friends and forgetting my life back in Canada.

My only problem is, from what I hear online, work in the UK is hard to find.

10 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-20 17:32 ID:y3OmKFzx

4 here, still working at it... Currently back in school, but i got to tell you it... i do miss alot of things like there is a hole inside me where ever i go. Its when you are away from the people that care about you and vice versa that you begin to notice this void inside.

11 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-21 00:43 ID:VV9tYnCT


Both of these posts here.

Yeah, I really shouldn't worry about it, but it's been a problem with me since I was a child. Blegh. And doesn't everybody boil their toothbrushes after seeing them infested with ants?

12 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-21 18:16 ID:3Wrj/Pu8

Go for it. Think of it this way, it's better to try out all sorts of things now, rather than when you're older. But may I ask, what irks you so much about it?

And lol at the ant story. It was more that it was a story I felt I could relate to. I'm always finding myself in weird situations that I think would never happen to other people.

13 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-21 23:58 ID:VV9tYnCT

Probably stemming from self consciousness. But experimenting when you're younger makes sense.

Weird situations? Post them sire!

14 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-22 02:58 ID:oS3wk73S

Trying hard to become an artist, and falling flat on my face each time. Drawing is hard as hell, and getting people to care for your work is even harder. Still, I just keep going and roll with it. One day i'll have a good vision. For right now I just need to practice harder, and become more dedicated.

15 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-22 04:42 ID:HaXf5fHx


Mate, art comes naturally. You can't really teach yourself to be an artist. You can improve technique, but if good art does not flow naturally, you'll never become an artist.

Whatever you do, don't go to art school. Even if you're great, an art degree is useless these days.

16 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-30 01:47 ID:VV9tYnCT

Has this thread died already?

Meh. I'll post anyway,

I've been crushing on my best friend of two to three years for about... two to three years. She used to live within my vicinity.. that was before we really started to be friends. She's since moved to Peru, which is when our friendship really developed. We talked a lot online, and got to know each other extremely well.. I mean really really well, nooks and crannies well. I don't mean stupid details like a favorite food, or some astrology crap, what I mean is personality, like what kind of character she has. She's really nice, and I mean really really nice, not like some girl who'd say "Hi" to you out of courtesy. I mean really nice, like she'd spend an afternoon just to talk to me. That's when I really started to LIKE her, other than the physical attraction/infatuation. We also talked about our problems, and I mean the really serious problems, not like her not being able to go to some concert, I mean huge personal problems. It felt good to be there for her, and it felt good to have somebody to talk to. Especially when I had a shitty day or when something big happened in my life. She was there. I'd like to think we're really good friends by this point, she's the only friend I have.

Earlier in our friendship I admitted my feelings to her, but I didn't really get a response, eventually we just started being friends again. Then a few years later she says "I liked you then, but I don't believe in long distance relationships."

It's been a few months since that. She's supposed to be coming back to the U.S. sometime- but I don't really know when, and I'm not sure if I should ask her out then.. but I really want to- except that I'm an anti-social jerk-off and wouldn't know where to start. Especially if we ever really met, then I'd really start to freak. I was rejected by a girl once-but that's another story- and she told me that she'd go out with me if she lived within a 100 mile radius. That's when I really bawww'd [ On the inside of course, and naturally they were manly tears ].

But even if I did ask her out and she said yes, who's to say that wouldn't dissolve in a week? That would really suck. Even if we stayed friends, because it wouldn't be the same. It's probably crazy, but I think i'm in real love with this girl, not like two horny-hormone raging teenagers are, I mean I really care about her.

I don't really know [i]why[/i] I posted about this. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest.

17 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-30 02:05 ID:PUVOAMoz

I read once that drinking warm water helps balance out your mood.

I've been feeling really stressed and exhuasted lately. I usually drink lots of water, but cold, and it usually helps me feel better (I think). But not recently.

So, I tried drinking warm water today, and I actually started feeling much better. I feel calm, relaxed, and clear-headed (more so than I did earlier at least).

Although, I've hardly had any sleep at all today (stayed up all night) so I'm drowsy, regardless; there's naught to be done about that until I get some quality sleep.

18 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-01 15:47 ID:jlOms1hx

I was just told that I had no enthusiasm in the way I approached people. Most people probably would have taken offense- I was a little caught off guard tbh- but I'm glad I was told this because it put things into perspective for me.

I don't spend much time around others, so I get nervous easily and I have weird reactions. I can be amicable in short term contacts, but, I've noticed, when I'm around someone for a long time that I'm nervous around I get really cold in temperament.

So I took this to heart. I'm glad someone had the balls to say this to me. I don't want people to think of me that way, I want to befriend others easily, so now that I know this, I can work on changing myself to be more amicable.

(most people would probably change out of anxiety, I think; I do it because developing communication skills has become a hobby of mine, since I've come out of my several year's exile from society)

19 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-01 16:08 ID:gVmfKobh


What caused you to have a several year exile from society?

20 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-01 17:01 ID:L+Y4iP9o


Eh, oh well. Parents are paying for it, so I might as well dick around and have fun making pretty pictures. I know what it is to have a art degree: it means jack shit. But I figure you have to be pretty talented/fucked up/pretentious to want to get into the arts and follow a completely unpredictable path with a shitload of suffering and starvation, so whatever. Who the hell wants to play along with society's nonsense anyways.

21 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-01 18:28 ID:Zighy2qU


The long and the short of it is that I was afraid.

Why? Thinking about giving it a try?

22 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-01 21:20 ID:oS3wk73S

I did it too. Hated society. Still do. Wish I could do without society, but i've been saturated on it for far too long. Humans don't live very long without other humans after all.

23 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-02 18:08 ID:njFhn5qF


Getting an art degree doesn't give you the right to just go out into society and demand you have something others don't and that you deserve a job for the time you spent getting that degree. I agree with this point. However, the point of attending an art school is to develop and hone your skills so you could create a portfolio worthy enough to get yourself a job. going to art school isn't about just getting a bachelors in art, its more about learning all that you can from a school that knows more about art than your typical state college, so that you can create something that can help you get a job.

I'm a currently attending a private art school, paying 30,000 dollars on tuition alone so that I could become a CG artist and animator. For the first year experience going there, I was scared of the possibilities that I wouldn't get a job when I leave, but when I see some of the seniors graduate and get jobs in famous gaming, and movie studios, I believed in myself more. Art is something that is hard to define, that's why its so hard to get a job with it if your going into a field like fine art that basically means you have to have a amazing depth into the fine high art. Compared to some of the more practical fields of automotive design, products, advertising, and entertainment art - your chances of being able to do what you love increases with the time and effort you put into creating an awesome portfolio.

I may not be successful, yet, but I still have hope for my future, and since I only have one life to live, might as wise go for what I had always dreamed of becoming.

24 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-03 09:13 ID:y3OmKFzx

No one goes to a university expecting to walk out into the world to land a job... there is always uncertainties.
Only 2 type of people would think this way...
a)people that have plans and connections already and know they are going to get there
b)retarded people
I am trying to get a degree in engineering and even then i still feel like i might not get a job.

25 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-03 12:01 ID:oS3wk73S


I completely agree. And no degree is useless.

I don't think that was the point...

26 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-04 05:16 ID:njFhn5qF


My point is simple guys, you just have to do what you love. Because, think about it, you've only got so much time you can live your life, might as well spend it on something you want to do.

However, with this in mind, you must put all the effort you can into realizing your dream. Your will, has to be as strong as steel. What your aiming for is a getting a life where you spend your time doing something that can satisfy yourself and if you can others like you with a smile by the end of the day.

27 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-06 04:43 ID:MKDwWxQl

There was this cute Mennonite girl that works at a small family bakery near where I live. I talked to her (not anything deep, just "high, hello, I wanna coffee and a pastry. thanks, by), and she smiled at me. I'm a total caveman in appearance, and I never thought anyone so... cute would look at me the way she did. (

(Actually, I think I've always wanted really tough women, so maybe my appearance is a sub-conscious attempt at weeding out the non-hackers...)

Maybe she was just being friendly though. Anyway, I won't get all stalker-y about it, just shooting the shit is all...

Come to think of it... if you look at me from the right angle... I almost look like a Mennonite myself... (I've certainly got the beard and farmer-chic clothing), so maybe I've got a chance...

Sadly my track record with women is pretty bad. The last girl I was into, I got her laughing and smiling and then I up and grabbed her ass (I'm not a sleazeball, I promise, I know it was a bad move now, but it seemed like such a good idea at the time) and she flipped out about it. So needless to say I'm concerned about my pickup tactics...


(I know you're probably thinking this should go into /love/, but I'm not seeking advice, so I think this thread is better suited)

28 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-07 01:37 ID:tm+F+pSU

Finishing the cabinets for my mom...

I'm such a bad son... Can't believe it took me this long to get started...

;.; guilt

29 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-08 15:37 ID:WB3lgLpv


Uh, dude, read a bit about Mennonite culture. This girl will never take interest in you beyond a friendly smile in the shop. Her and her family most likely have strong community, family and religious values that they don't like to dilute. Unless you're Mennonite yourself and work on her dads farm, you won't be nailing her any time soon.

30 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-08 17:51 ID:3244zOX9


Well... shit.

31 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-10 05:08 ID:oS3wk73S


Well, you never know unless you try. I say go for it.

32 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-12 08:07 ID:vv4yjimn

Another day, another coffee shop girl with a distant, yet possibly-ending-up-in-my-getting-laid smile.

Ah man, I've got to find something more interesting to talk about...

Umm... I'm going into the army! Yes... yay...

Well I think so. I have something on my medical record that might make it impossible for me to get in... but I sent an email to the recruiter asking about it. Have yet to receive a response.

C'mon Man! I wanna be a Ranger! Just let me in! Semper f- uh... HOooah!


I've played Call of Duty like 6 times man you gotta let me join up!

33 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-13 05:02 ID:VPCGjT6M

So far I've only been a casual lurker around here, skimming through posts, but I started really reading today.

I see plenty of "at least you have parents". I have them too, and a family. But I always feel as if they're joining outsiders to make me miserable. Have always felt that way since childhood. I could be bullied by anyone and I wouldn't give a damn. But coming home to find not comfort but more bullying from family really hurts. They support the people who take pleasure in making me miserable. They outright tell me I deserve it, good riddance.

It took many years and a lot of courage to confront them about it but they just brush me off, as if it's a recent, isolated incident. I've confronted them multiple times but to no avail.

We see a number of crazy and/or homeless people everyday. When I get into an argument with my family, they tell me I should join them because I'm no better. I know I have problems too. I've gone for help for a brief time with my family in my last year of high school. But my family didn't accept any of it. They thought it was a waste of time, I was just being a troublemaker and should stay away from the crazies so I wouldn't be labeled one. I stopped going all of a sudden because no matter how much better I'd feel after the session, my family would undo it all and make me feel worse than before. Just the things they tell me on the way home would do it.

I feel as if I can sympathize with those people, more and more each time they bring it up to use against me. If they had a family, they're probably in their current state because of family like mine. I'm sure all of them want to live a good life too. But what for, when you know the people closest to you in your life don't care about you? They only want to share your success if you bring fame and/or fortune to them and will use any means to get rid of you if you can't bring them enough of it. These people are family related by blood, not people who are family from a political marriage, and they're just as shallow as strangers if not more.

Having family doesn't mean a thing unless they genuinely cared. They resent me for not being gifted like those kids they see on TV, for not having an army of men after me, for not marrying into a rich family that would give them a fortune like the women they read about in the tabloids, for not having kids by my age like someone else already did. They resent me for making them look bad for not having or being all these things. Why can't I live the life I want? I'd rather not have a family at all if this is what family is about.

34 Name: nearly a vagrant : 2010-02-13 05:39 ID:KVx869CU

Your family is maladaptive. I hate to say it, but do whatever you can to get away. You seem to old to cite verbal abuse and get moved to foster care, but you can still go back and try high school. Try something. I think most militaries require high school to be finished. There's also a lot of volunteer operations if you have the commitment and resume for it.

Back to the communal journal... I posted a drawing online and finished a draft of a story. Things are moving very slowly with the job market, but talking to people, I realized that everything will probably be okay. Even if everything fails and I end up homeless, I've specked out organizations that would help me back on my feet, putting me into a better situation than I'm in right now. Charity certainly makes this a wonderful country. Bastards like >>33's family belie the idea that there's always a happy ending, but aside from the mooks, crooks, and spooks, there are people who just want to help.

35 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-13 05:53 ID:fz0/0E17

The best thing you can do is work on yourself and cut your family off over time (or cold turkey if possible). For me, a big problem was that I spent too much time around my family. They were a bad influence on me, and maintaining the deep connection I had with them was harmful to me.

So I made my own life, away from them. I kept my own little private life without letting them see enough of it to understand it and use it against me (even when I was living with them), I pursued what I really wanted, and they knew almost nothing about it. It felt good to be my own person, away from their judgments and ignorance.

Although (I can't say this is the case with you, but it was helpful for me to realize that it was the case with me), fwiw: I came to realize that, I was contributing to the problem.

Obviously, a part of that was that I maintained a deep connection to the worst aspects of my family.

But other than that, I bought into their bullshit, and I was wont to keep arguments going by responding to their ridiculous criticisms of my life.

This made everything exponentially worse for me.

When I learned to drop arguments that could never be won anyway (or winning them would serve no beneficial purpose), and realize that I didn't have to give in to their bullshit, everything changed for the better. It continues to go well.

I focus on making myself a better person, rather than the negative people/things that have come up in my life.

36 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-18 07:27 ID:ypWlEiOr

I've been reading a lot lately. Mainly trashy military/spy novels. I don't know what it is, but I just get so sucked into them. I literally can spend an entire day, from morning to evening, with short breaks to eat, shit/piss, and [maybe] bathe.

Ugh. I look up and see the sun setting and think about how sore my ass is and feel like I've let myself down, like I could've done something cool with my day, but instead I spent my time reading. Damnit.

37 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-21 01:24 ID:q/YJbhOG

I think I'll take part in this thread.

I've recently tried marijuana and salvia, and I enjoyed both of them.

Someone I care about likes me, and I them, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere as of yet.

I feel like I'm way out of my element lately. Usually I'm a really happy, fun, care-free guy. But today I was really distant... sad, almost. I left hanging out with my friends and having fun to go home and just sleep. I wanted to escape.

And, from what I can gather, I seem to have somehow contracted Herpes simplex. I have a huge blister on my lip after having a fever for most of yesterday.

I feel like shit... and I feel alone. I've always handled myself on my own, I've almost never talked about my feelings except to my best friend ever, and even then probably once or twice. I've always taken care of myself, but lately I feel so distant from everyone.

I assume I'll be over this soon enough, so until then I'm just going to take it easy.

38 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-24 01:03 ID:TbVmU6MV

I just went for a run. My throat gets dry as the cock-side of a condom when I run in this weather and it makes me weez and cough. The only way to keep my throat from getting this dry is to wear a face warmer, or to wrap a scarf around my face. But that's uncomfortable, and I'm a whiny asshole so I'll live with it just so I can complain.

I'm going to class in an hour. I don't think I'm going to bathe either. Also, I'm not wearing deodorant.

Woe betide the sorry bastards that have to sit downwind of me.

39 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-24 02:59 ID:63tavlff

I guess I can just join in here too...

I went to school today and I wrapped my hair because I didn't do it so it was a mess.
I seem to be realizing more and more everyday that things aren't what they seem...
Its a shame but I can honestly say (at least here anyways) that noboby knows everything about me. Not my family, friends, or the people that pretend to be my friend and actually don't give a shit

Its getting late and I haven't done any of my homework yet. I didn't turn in my

homework for English class today.
I'll tell myself that I'm going to do it, and I probably won't. Like usual. For some reason I just have a bad work ethic

40 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-25 18:23 ID:DDCrqmV5

Alright guess I'll join in too, seems interesting enough.

Well I don't know if it's just me that feels like this but, when I'm at school or at home..I just feel so..isolated.

I have several friends at school that I've known for 4 or 5 years now, but even around them I feel like a stranger.
It feels like I'm talking in some advanced language and they can't keep up.

I'm well aware that my friends and I are drifting apart. Graduation isn't too far away, and we're all becoming different people. But if I lose them I'll be so alone. It seems that only one person has ever truly gotten me and she's thousands of miles away.

My family doesn't really get me either. They try to, but besides the fact that I'm a writer/actress who thinks of so many different things, I'm also an anime fan. They try to support me but they find my wants in life very trivial and think it won't get me too far. My Grandma and brothers especially.

I have interests different from anyone I've met, I can find people that can slightly relate but not fully. (Along with anime I also love different era's like the Renaissance, and the 1950's and no one seems to fully grasp why.)

I have ideas and thoughts that sometimes even my teachers can't follow so I have to dumb down my answers several times. I get bored in class because I always get the work done within the first 30 minutes. I never study for test because I already know what the hell I'm doing.

I also do something that most teens in this damn town never seem to do, I read. I'm sad to say that I'm surrounded by the ghetto trash of people who talk with 'bitch' or 'mother fucker' and 'nigger' in every damn sentence and I'm sick of it. "Pull up your damn pants, learn to type a sentence correctly, and stop knocking up every slutty girl you see!" That's what I'd like to shout but I don't have the courage to say it.

I feel so far ahead of everyone but I can't show it because my school and classmates, even my friends, can't keep up.

oh, and the best part? My parents aren't willing to let me leave this god-forsaken place, they think that because I'm a girl I'll lose my religion and go fuck some guy I've barely met, and come home pregnant with my life screwed up.

Yeah, thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt Mom. Seriously.

Anyway I think I've ranted enough for now. Hope my frustrations wasn't too much for you all. See you guys around, I'm using a school computer to type this and the bell's about to ring.


41 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-28 03:25 ID:LpoRrEWX

I have belly button lint. How does this happen? I don't get it. It's not just a little bit either, it's a huge lump. Every single day. For fucks sake...

Anyway, I've been writing more poetry lately. Well, I don't know if it's really poetry, per se, since I don't know anything about poetry, but I've been writing.

I cleaned the walls today... boy that was fun. Actually, it wasn't that bad. I hate people who are averse to manual labor... You don't have to love it, you just have to do it. Bitches.

My brother said he didn't want to talk to me on the phone because "I never want to talk to him anymore", which is true (I'm more of a face-to-face kinda person). I feel kind of weird seeing that kind of honesty though. Most people are too apathetic and non-confrontational (including myself most of the time) to bother saying anything of value or honesty in any situation, much less one involving a family member.

42 Name: Anonymous : 2010-03-04 02:36 ID:1GpeN2Sk

Holy shit. I have just realized the key to kicking depression:

Get outside of your comfort zone (try new things), and exercise.

It sounds corny and simple, but it's fucking true. I have been depressed as fuck, and through just working out consistently (in fun ways, i.e. not sitting in a gym staring at a wall while I run on a treadmill) and keeping myself sharp with lots of different activities I've been able to elevate my mood so much. I feel like a different person.

43 Name: Anonymous : 2010-03-07 14:49 ID:WfEt1aMg

So true. It's kind of a no brainer, but the real hurdle is taking that first step, gathering the energy to do those things.

44 Name: Anonymous : 2010-03-07 15:05 ID:WfEt1aMg

I've liked this guy for about 6 months now. At the beginning everything was going great. We really bonded over the same interests and hobbies. He told me some personal things, and vice versa. I think therein lies the problem- we opened up too much too soon. After that, everything went backwards. I find myself talking to him with great awkwardness, and I think he finds the same too. Honestly, I don't know what he's thinking. Sometimes I feel that he knows that I like him, and he avoids me. Other times he seems to show interest, but it could just be politeness. Meanwhile, I keep finding myself in situations where I'm making a fool of myself in front of him. Ugh.

Anyway, it sounds so silly now because I have a lot more serious issues in my life right now that I have to deal with first.

45 Name: Anonymous : 2010-03-08 06:53 ID:Sc/p0802


Not only that, perspective is fucking key dude. We think that the world is falling all around us when actually it's a little blip in the scheme of things. Life doesn't have to be our keeper. We can do with life whatever we please.

46 Name: Hopless : 2010-03-13 08:45 ID:KKaDSg5s

Hey guys so i have a problem iam afraid of failing this year i was you can say a brilliant student butnow in HS everything has changed i became lazy all my marks are bad and all the members of my family are sucessful now iam nothing for them i feel rejected i really dont know what to do , i tried to make my marks better but no result !!!! i started to think about escaping ^^ and iam only 16 ........!!! my life is miserble

47 Name: Anonymous : 2010-03-13 18:01 ID:wbjnTnj2

Learn capitalization. By the way you type I highly doubt you were ever brilliant. Failing will not be the end of your life, there are always alternatives do what makes you happy. Success is in the eye of the beholder.

48 Name: Anonymous : 2010-03-17 00:54 ID:hMZbtjjD

Do you still like him? Hmm.. maybe should just avoid him for a little bit. Just a bit of separation.

49 Name: Anonymous : 2010-03-21 09:24 ID:847Hpg1J

Yeah, I've been doing that..Just trying to sort out my other priorities and get my head straight this year. Big sigh

Spent a good 15 minutes chasing a fly around my room.

50 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-16 21:31 ID:KIgTyPaG

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I want to go into the military, I want to join a monastery, and I want to work for my friend who is about to start their own business, I want to sit around and play video games, I want to become a hermit and live in the mountains, I want to find love in my life and have a big family, I want to be left alone... I don't know what I want. I'm at a loss for what to choose.

This is such a crucial time in my life, but I just don't know. Everything seems either too easy or too hard; too lowly or just plain out of reach.


51 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-17 02:25 ID:mrtP7exW

Somehow completely forgot about an assignment which was worth 20% of my grade.

People regularly have accused me of having ADHD and now I'm starting to wonder about it myself. I do admit I have a hard time with a lot of things like forgetfulness, concentration, absentmindedness, difficulty sitting still and listening but I'm not the type to go ahead and assume I have some problem just because it seems to fit. Maybe I'll think about making a doctors appointment or something.

52 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-17 17:47 ID:FuIUkY/f


Don't take the ADHD thing too seriously...if it were up to doctors or educators, we'd all have it. They said I had that in school and I went years getting treated like I was retarded because of it. 10 years later I have a masters degree in political science.

It's all bullshit, man. Just learn to take interest in your work and future and it gets easier. Once you realize learning is actually fun and understanding concepts to things is just, well, interesting, school and work gets easier. All a doctor is going to do is prescribe you some pills to take every day. These pills are nothing but stimulants, similar to caffeine but weaker than cocaine or amphetamines in regards to how they affect the brain. Long term use is not good, and inveitably you'll probably end up on them for a long time if you take them.

If you feel you need to medicate - I'm being honest here - smoke pot. Maybe it's just because I'm from Canada where it's not taboo here, and everybody does it, but I firmly believe that it greatly improves your mental state with proper use. There is research to prove its benefits. It's not just for burn outs; I've met everybody from doctors to lawyers to professors to politicians in my college years who all openly admit they use the stuff.

School is ultimately boring and your mind is destined to drift or succumb to forgetfulness, but this does not mean you have some mental disorder they shit out 20 years ago, that really only exists to earn billions through prescription drugs or therapy.

53 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-17 18:58 ID:gEcGZKMX


Strongly agree. My mom strong armed into going to a number of social workers when I was a young boy, and they tried to stick every name on me they could think of.

Aspergers, adhd, bipolar, attachment disorder...

And now that I'm actually pretty well read in psychology, I can see they were comically off the mark.

I don't think I would have believed how easy it is for mental health workers to shell off labels like that if I hadn't seen it for myself.


I can relate. I used to have a major problem shutting up and sitting down and doing my school work, I often ended up cheating on or just flat out failing my assignments.

You might be one of those people that just has a tendency to learn better while moving about/fidgeting, so maybe that's all it is?

I'm very much like that, and have always been. For instance, I like to pace and such while I think up ideas of what to write, etc. You might try finding something to keep you're hands busy or something while in class- a rubix cube, or whatever- assuming you can still focus on the teacher while fidgeting with it.

Things that always helped me cultivate concentration were: reading books, cooking, carpentry, tai chi, meditation (mainly breathing meditation), hiking, exercising in general, working on puzzles (3d logic FTW). By doing these, I got better and better at sitting still, shutting up, and focusing on what I needed to do.

They each require that you take time out of your day to do them, and they can be quite time consuming, and they usually require a good deal of attention, so they provide an ideal training tool for cultivating good concentration in general.

Pills are worthless in my opinion, unless you have a serious condition. They're like silicone muscles- they look good, but you can't lift any more than you could before, or run any farther.

My experience has always been that the mind is flexible and can be adapted to your wishes, all it takes is a little effort and a little time.

54 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-18 10:03 ID:DIxKsOei

I've been a lurker on this site for quite a while and haven't post anything for a long time due to personal reason but I'll go ahead and give myself another try in this thread. Not like it matters anyway but I like to get this off my chest.

Been playing video games ever since I came back to the internet world on March 3rd. I was in reality from November 7, '09 thru March 2nd '10 without internet. It actually felt good not usng the internet because it made my eyes open more that there are far better things in life that can be more appreciated. In those months hiatus, I would go to the library. The place is only a few blocks away from where I live and I go there to read a couple of books and sometimes use their computer if there's vancancy. I would also write my story that have yet to published because I have no confidence for it for some reason. Plus I don't know where to begin to get my story published in public. Anywho, I'm here still thinking what the hell I should do with my life.

55 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-19 05:18 ID:1FJVhajh

Oh god oh god oh god...

I can't remember if I have a quiz in history class tomorrow. Fuckshitttttttttfuckfuckfuckfuck

I have forgotten to study for a couple of quizes already, if I fuck up another quiz I am going to rape my grade. And it's such a fucking nigger cunt shit tits easy class. Whenever I study I always ace the fucking hell out of that class, but GOD DAMMIT I SUCK GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DAMMMMMMMMMITTTTTTTTTTTT

shit fuck damn hell bitch cock ass nigger spic cunt hell hell hell fuck shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck fuckkkkkkkkkkkk

56 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-19 10:24 ID:DIxKsOei

54 here. News has brought to my ears nd I don't like it. My grandpa is going to live with us until he flies over to his destination around July or later. It's going to be another 3 months of hell for me. I might not be able to play late at night like I usually do. Fuck! Why do things always turn fucking sour when it's already set in a good motion? Fuck this shit. Why do old family relatives keep jumping on my back like I fucking owe them or something?

57 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-21 04:40 ID:Oz2E3NG3

>>55 here



Yesterday, I took advantage of the awesome weather we've been having lately, and I went kayaking.

I put sunscreen on, but I got sunburnt anyway!

Oh the humanity... Almost every single time I spend a few hours in the sun, I get a fucking sun burn. Damn it all.

It was worth it though.

58 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-23 21:53 ID:DIxKsOei

>>54 here
Today in the afternoon, it's a bright sunny Friday. I'm playing a video game online on my PS3 alone at my apartment. Suddenly, the manager knocked on the door. I answered it and we greeted each other respectfully. I have not seen the manager for days because I've been secluded myself at home, I barely go outside. She tells me to give the letter to my mother that she handed me. We parted our ways saying farewell, she seemed to darted off though. Afterwards, I get back on my gaming and did not care about the letter. Assuming it's someting unimportant like an apartment notice of some kind like reminding all of us about a certain rule we must follow but then later, the letter pops back in my mind and I began to have a bad feeling. Still under the process of gaming, I got up and grabbed the letter. I opened it and began to carefully read it. I first noticed on top of the first of three pages of the letter: THREE DAY NOTICE TO PAY RENT OR QUIT


59 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-28 17:14 ID:ynovzXMH

Today I asked this girl (whom I've been interested in for a while now) her name, and introduced myself. It's not much, but a big step for me. It felt good for a while, but then I started picking it apart and I got all panicky LMAO

Then I reminded myself that I have a tendency to over analyze situations, and that regardless I need to be brave and not waver like some god damn coward. Shutting out new experiences weakens me, I know this. I've done it for so long. But opening up to new ones has always benefited me, ultimately.

60 Name: Anonymous : 2010-04-30 02:05 ID:HRUHpV6C

Today, I was feeling lazy as hell. I pretty much just sat around and jerked off and played video games, and surfed the net, for most of the day...

I was supposed to go on a run.

At first, I kept bargaining with myself "I'll do it tomorrow, today I need more video games and internet!" But I finally got up the balls to go out and run a few laps.

I feel much better now, and I can say it was worth it, even though I really didn't want to do it at first. It really pays to get outside of your comfort zone. It will suck, and a part of your mind (maybe a big part) will keep running you down, trying to get you to give up, but if you push through it will be an epic fucking experience, even if it's something small like getting in your daily workout even when you feel like just laying around.

61 Name: Good Ol' 59 : 2010-05-06 08:01 ID:5Ulivjl7

Ran into the same girl yesterday at the library. It didn't occur to me at the time, but I probably should've asked her what she got... But then, of course, I would be dishonest, because I really wasn't interested in that, I was interested in hooking up with her. But she's a goody goody and I'm broke at the moment so my chances with her are shot either way.

Lying to get girls attracted to you (even in wimpy ways like that), to me, makes you sleazy anyhow. All the girls I've had good relationships with originated from me showing them who I really was, not just making small chat with them.

But I felt like hell after I realized I basically said nothing to her while we were in line. She was probably the first person I've ever spontaneously smiled at in my adult life. I'm such a dork...

I also stole some alcohol a while ago. I feel like an asshole for having done it, and it wasn't worth it at all. I'll probably do it again though. Ugh. I hate being broke, and being a douchebag thief. Maybe I'll grow out of it at some point.

Although, I did do one thing that I felt proud of recently. I went and talked to someone I've been needing to talk to for a while (Long story, that- not a mopey/dorky one though! One that would make me seem very mature and confident and cool in your eyes no doubt! You don't know me! I'm a cool guy in person. I am. Maybe a little quiet from time to time. So what? Fuck off.), and I got on well with them.

Strange though. I've realized that the more sociable I get the less moral I get, but the more justified my morality seems and the less I want to be doing immoral things. It's all very confusing. (I can't believe you've read this far, by the way, unless you just skipped down here in which case you're a CHEATER!)

Anyway, the quest for self-improvement continues.

62 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-06 23:53 ID:dxTtuvtI

So you suck. So what? You're supposed to suck. Anything else would be unnatural. Get over it. Forget your position. Remember your direction.

63 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-10 01:28 ID:zwDJWtZG

Eh. I'm receding into old patterns I had thought I outgrew long ago. But I'm learning more about myself. Maybe I will benefit from revisiting these habits with a new perspective on them? In a synthesis with new habits I've picked up, these old ones are quite different to experience than I remember.

Time will tell I guess.

64 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-14 08:23 ID:OpBxes0c

OK. Time has told. These old habits became old habits for a reason. Time to knock this shit off.

65 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-14 13:13 ID:c96hBJYc

Honestly, I have no interest in the place we're going to tomorrow. I just wanted to spend some time with them to get to know them. Perhaps we can become good friends some day.

Maybe something good will come of the outing tomorrow, maybe not.

66 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-14 17:23 ID:L5kcXDbU

That reminds me, my girl wants me to go on a roadtrip with her, and I feel almost obligated to do it, but I cannot stand going on a roadtrip. I have always hated them, and I continue to do so, now with greater zeal than ever.

I guess I'll have to just put my foot down and endure the hellish nagging and bitching.

67 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-14 23:42 ID:c96hBJYc

Well, I'm going to leave and meet the others at the station in a few hours. I hope it all goes well.

A peer (a girl) at school asked me out on MSN earlier, but I obviously already have plans. It was a nice thought anyway.

68 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-15 08:39 ID:VkkSmmhI

I've been getting angrier and angrier. I need to chill out and meditate more. I'm getting too caught up in normal stuff. It was never good for me, and continues not to be.

If I focus on bettering myself, being a good person, and overcoming my limitations, then I can cultivate happiness; but if I just allow myself to get sucked into the never-ending flow of illness and horror, that the world in general spews out with impressive frequency, I will never attain anything more in my life than myriad variations of anger, greed, and ignorance.

69 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-15 11:52 ID:c96hBJYc

I had a pretty good time outside for a change. I got along well with the others, and they seemed to like me. I'd like to go out sometime again.

70 Name: notOP : 2010-05-15 16:11 ID:sF1rep/u

I've been thinking that this world is too restraining to be enjoyable; other people make it arbitrarily restraining and tedious when it wouldn't be the case, too.

Work is such a waste most of the time. It seems like people just don't want to give up their jobs to automation. Apparently I should get a job just so I can say I have a job and make things 'feel' right.

I'm tired of hearing people complain about their awful workload when they're still enjoying whatever little things they get as a reward. No one even does anything for a good purpose, it's all for the same pathetic aesthetic experience. None of them has any special merit but they want to feel like they do, ugh.

71 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-15 21:35 ID:d8bYLJhB

Oh man I love it when hard work pays off. I love that high I get, where you just sit back after a long days work and just sit. Doing nothing, but feeling (rightly) content- at peace.

I'm working on a project right now (a farm) that requires a lot of time and effort, but I'm seeing the fruit of it as I go and it's so much fun, even though it's hard. And I'll be munching on carrots, and lettuce, and squash, and tomatoes, and peppers, and garlic, and onions, and wheat and everything else I've got planted, in no time.

It'll be so much fun to make pancakes in the morning with flour I made from wheat that I grew on my own land.

I can't wait to cut this years wood, too (I heat my home with a wood stove). That is hard work, but so much fun.

A dear friend of mine took me out with his family on an outing to a road out on forest service land (the women picked berries while me and his sons cut the wood), and we cut all the wood that I used last winter in one day.

What a great guy. I hope to repay the favor to him.

That would've taken me weeks to get, since I don't have anything that could haul that amount of wood (he had a huge truck with a huge trailer- I have a puny truck, that probably wouldn't even have made it halfway his truck did on that road). And he didn't even ask to be paid. And he gave me a bag of homemade jambalaya after we got home! lol

Wow. I really hope to be like him one day.

(Eh, I know I'm rambling, but this is the journal thread after all.)

72 Name: notOP : 2010-05-15 22:36 ID:Heaven

73 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-17 05:50 ID:FPVnPRXW

Long car trip today. I always get dazed when driving for long periods. I had a friend with me, and a really annoying friend of that friend. Which equals one tolerable acquaintance.

But it was OK. I need to work on my patience anyway. I get angry too easily these days, and it does me no good.

74 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-17 19:01 ID:1r015TTv

I'm applying for a job today, I may actually get it!

75 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-20 03:49 ID:P9TDh3D7

I've done nothing today.

Well, I fapped once, and played a bunch of video games.
And went for a run.

That was about it though.
I need to get out more.

76 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-20 10:25 ID:xRfW1xyI


The kicker is that I was actually being completely honest, and even better is that I wasn't replying to your post. It was just a coincidence.

I did notice your post, but only in the middle of writing mine out.

77 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-21 01:11 ID:r8oIqurq


So, did you get the job?

78 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-21 05:44 ID:mf36sOOy

I don't know yet, the guy said he'd let me know next week (the application dead line is Friday).

79 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-22 11:28 ID:c96hBJYc


Please let us know how it went. If you don't mind sharing, what did you apply for?

80 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-24 05:01 ID:fDJZhq/f

Well I didn't do anything today. Another road trip tomorrow.

Peace all.

81 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-25 02:48 ID:CnzCv1u5

Car trip finished. Not as bad as I thought.

Met some boring people. Bleh.


I went a little crazy today at my in-laws house (I stopped in, they weren't there) and I was like looking through their stuff and climbing trees and shit.

I'm a little nuts. But it was fun.

Also, you're missing the context, which makes this sound a little less crazy, but I will not fill you in.

82 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-27 20:43 ID:TIyJUry2

I applied for a temp job, but didn't get it (I don't think so anyway).

There's another one I've got lined up, I'll have to drop by and hand in an application today. (cashier)

It's a lame job, but it's something.

I hope to save up a bunch of money and travel to France to try out for the Foreign Legion.

83 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-28 08:38 ID:TIyJUry2

I got the letter of disapproval. No job for me.

I've applied for another, I may yet get it, and requested info on another. They both fall within my skill sets very neatly, so I'm hopeful. But unemployment is pretty hefty out in these parts, so it's hard to say if I'll get hired just yet.


I'm tired of being angry, I'm tired of people with big agenda's, I'm tired of lies, I'm tired of greed, I'm tired of oppression, I'm tired of pity, I'm tired of death, I'm tired of war.

But I find myself fantasizing about all of them, enjoying them.


What is going on with me.

I think I need to go to a doctor about this rash, but I'm broke and have no insurance.

My cat is such an asshole, I call him and call him and he just sits there and purrs.

If he could read, I'd send him a very well written letter detailing my complaints about his behavior.

I'm so confused these days.

Just rambling...

84 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-31 10:31 ID:S84i5Mrd

Ugh. I feel like crap. I've been staring at my computer screen practically all day.

I haven't been sleeping on a normal schedule lately. I think I'll stay up all night and go to bed early evening to reset my sleeping pattern.

I tried that yesterday, but I wimped out and fell asleep.

But I just reinstalled SWAT 4 (Fuck yes) so I at least have something to do all day. And I can clean my house (which I need to, badly), do laundry and all that.

My legs hurt.

Peace, all.

85 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-04 02:35 ID:YuC9d97I

I just went out and did this personality test (job compatibility) for a job I've been interested in. The manager said "I don't have the personality for the job".

Come to think of it now, I think she was testing me, and I think I should have argued for myself. But... I don't have experience with people. I know I could do the job if I got it. I would have to teach myself, but I KNOW I could do it.

Oh well. I've got others lined up. We'll see.

Anyway, I'm glad to have this experience. I've been a hermit, living out in the middle of nowhere in a house in a forest (literally) for so many years I've got minimal social skills. It's time I actually got out into the world and learned to communicate properly, and developed my character.

Talking to these people and facing rejection, and all this, has helped me realize how to change myself (or at least given me a better sense of direction in that regard).

86 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-07 07:23 ID:avLhZFqR

I just saw alice and wonderland (the new one obviously) today. It was OK.

The one thing I don't like about it is how they portray the male characters, and it's not isolated to this, it's in most popular shows and movies. The men are either idiots, wackos, or bad guys.

I wonder what young boys think of this? They are obviously affected by it, so I wonder what will come of it? Television and movies are hugely influential on US society. These characters become role models of sorts. It's bound to fuck shit up, and probably has been for years.

I wish I could live in an ideal society, custom fitted to my tastes. Unfortunately I am doomed to live in this world, with this society that I do not care for, for the most part.


There are lots of good things in my life. For one, I am blessed to not be indoctrinated into normal culture, so I am not as affected by these things as most people (I hope).

I have the potential to do many things. I just need to get my shit together and actually go out and do them. I've done a lot so far, but there's so much more to do.

Keep on keepin on.

87 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-15 07:41 ID:o0RHi6Og

So much pressure. I want to be something, I dunno, a teacher or a nurse or something, but that means staying home, and there's too much pressure on me in my current situation. I've got to get out.

I don't know where I'll end up.

88 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-17 06:03 ID:5EPO2D8B

Going into the military soon. Getting in shape.

I'm looking good. Social skills have improved. Nutrition has improved. I've been happier more often, more motivated.

I find myself exploring my sexuality more often lately. Perhaps because I've spent less time with pornography. Porn kind of feeds you a fantasy, it does all the work for you, so you don't get to use your imagination as much, to find out more about yourself and maybe to find out what really interests you (as opposed to just clinging onto the products and ideas sold to you in pornographic images), what's really enjoyable to you on a personal level. But using my own imagination, I find that I'm much more creative, invigorated, and my sex life has improved greatly because I'm the one in control of my preferences now. Not the porn.

I've been learning more. Especially about politics and social movements. One thing I've wanted to learn is algebra. I did it in high school and passed with decent grades (honor roll), but I didn't care about math and so I just basically forgot it all when school was out. So I've been studying out of one of my old books. I'm genuinely interested now and I find myself really appreciating the time I spend learning.

Also, I need to learn grammar concepts. I can use grammar well enough, but I don't know the terms (infinitive, etc). I did exceptionally well in grammar classes too, so it's really weird that I can't remember anything beyond the most basic ideas (verbs, nouns, etc).

Those are the focus points for me now, but there are several other things I want to learn as well. Biology is another that went in one ear and out the other.

Psychology, art, cooking, carpentry, sexuality (bdsm, general romance, cunnilingus, kissing, generally pleasuring a woman and maximizing my own pleasure), humor (I've been making more jokes lately, I even get an occasional laugh, and they're not even passive aggressive!), confidence, assertiveness, and I'm sure there are others that aren't coming to mind at the moment.

I'm trying a new sleeping pattern. I hate sleeping, so I want to minimize the time I sleep. I heard about this process where you can take a 20-30 minute nap in the day, and sleep about 4-5 hours at night and still be well rested enough for the day. There's several processes to choose from actually, where you can sleep less. I'm going to try to progress from this one to sleeping maybe 2-3 hours a day. Not sure if this will work in the service, but I still want to try it out.

I might be getting a job soon, so I can make a bit of money and help out my family- and spend some more time getting in better shape- before I go out for basic. It's a degrading job, but it's all I can find around these parts that a person my age with my work experience can hope for.

Best wishes, all.

89 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-25 01:49 ID:A3MG72o7

My right tit is slightly larger than my left tit.


Also, I've been productive lately. Met lots of new people. Good times.

90 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-25 04:51 ID:q/bK22HN

I think the important aspects of a relationship, especially the things that decide whether or not it fails, becomes visible very early on.

I met someone, and I was swept up in the romance. Turns out she is very defensive, and gets angry easily. She would be hurt if I criticize it too much, and I feel we will both be hurt if I don't talk about it enough to learn to deal with it. I don't want to fail again, I'm amazed she hasn't just run away with how ugly I am.

My own issues that ruin relationships, depression, self-esteem, self-hate will be hard to deal with when she gets angry. The two problems could excite one another, and we'd burn out. I don't want to lose this, not at all. I believe she's a beautiful person.

91 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-27 05:24 ID:ZBlaniPY


Got accosted/sexually harassed today. That was fun in a sort of degrading, not at all fun, way.

But, at least I played it off with a bit of humor.

It was really bizarre. They were cat calling and whatever, and I thought to myself "there is no way they are talking to me- no one would say this stuff about me" but then they narrowed down their description.

Whatever. I'll probably laugh about it later, but I feel kind of upset right now.

Also, I picked up a hitchhiker (today I was on a road-trip, you see). He was an ordinary sort of guy. Said he had a brain tumor though, so he couldn't drive (?).

I'm glad he wasn't a serial killer or something (well, he might have been, but I wasn't a victim of his, at least... so... yay).

92 Name: Dæmon : 2010-06-27 14:18 ID:3auvRbF4

>>90 Look at the mirror more, soon you will fall for yourself.
>>91 Try not to pick up people unless your in the town. He might even hide drugs in your car
Bad things:
1.As for me, bad. School holiday over, but i din't have the balls to show my parents my terrible result slip :/
2.I have participate in a street soccer tournament and my team got qualified, but i din't told my parents about it cause they don't believe that sport will give me future.
Good things:
1.I have finally gotten over my relationship problems and seeing that girl in the school without getting emo.
2.My head is getting clearer and i finally have a goal in life.
3.I've found this thread :)

93 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-05 00:49 ID:q+FFMPCa

Living on a cattle farm, working as a hand.

I'm sharing a room with an old guy who plays the mandolin. He's a trip. Came in at 8:00 last night and we talked a bit, he played me a tune, tried to teach me some notes, but I'm a blockhead so it didn't sink in. LOL.

Anyway, things are well, work is hard, but at least I have a job.

Best wishes all.

94 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-05 19:45 ID:q+FFMPCa

Having a boss that's German and speaks only rudimentary English is a bit tough. I don't know what I'm doing or why for the most part. I try to get it, but their English is so broken that they only make me more confused the more they explain.

This is a tough job. I'm just learning a lot of this stuff, but they treat me like I'm supposed to be a veteran of it. The fact that one of my bosses doesn't know how to speak properly is not a help.

Oh, did I mention most of my coworkers are foreign and don't speak English either?


Hope they decide to pay me at some point, because this whole "on speck" deal is getting old.

95 Name: Dæmon : 2010-07-06 15:14 ID:0JNhfEDn

sounds like you need a new enviroment
Oh yeah... She looked at me a lot today ^.^!!!

96 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-08 15:30 ID:q+FFMPCa

Up at 6:30. Couldn't get up. Slept in to 7:00. They don't really care when I get in, as long as I do it before 7:30.

Taking a break now. I was cleaning for 7 hours yesterday. The various other tasks I do around here comprised the other 5 or 6 hours.

But I'm starting to understand the accents, and there are lots of cool people here, some of whom actually speak English.

Someone is apparently attracted to me, but I don't return their feelings...

97 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-09 01:55 ID:q+FFMPCa

There is no real schedule. I keep asking for things to do, to avoid uselessness, but their isn't much, and the others get tired of me asking.

The few tasks that I do are difficult, lowly, and usually filthy. For instance, I was scraping animal feces off of some tools that were (for some unknown reason) stored in a barn.

At least the things I do are time consuming, so I don't have to stand around like an asshole all day.

But others do difficult jobs as well. It's just that I have never done anything like this before. I feel like the others think I'm complaining when I talk about what work I've done, which is not really my intent when I talk about my work. But I respect them so I'm learning to change my ways.

I've met many interesting people, and have learned a lot from my little time here. I think this place has done me good. I used to sit around home all day, the only people I ever communicated with didn't know much about life.

Now I spend my time with tough, seasoned people, doing tough jobs. I used to think I was seasoned, that I had something to say... now I know just how much of a little bitch I was.

I'm broken down and sore, my bones are weak, and my skin is burnt.

I'm learning here what no college can teach.

98 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-10 01:35 ID:q+FFMPCa

My back hurts.

I'm finding stuff to do, figuring out how things work.

I'll hopefully start getting paid either today or next Monday. If I don't get it soon, I'm out of here.

I heard about a program that allows you to work internationally at various ranches, you get paid plus you get room and board. Holy shit. That sounds perfect, I'll look into it.

99 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-10 07:26 ID:6tMsB7/y

On holidays at the moment, and that means late nights and sleep-ins, yay. I've been more determined to make some self improvement goals these holidays though. Usually I waste away in front of my computer, eating two-minute noodles and shutting myself off from the rest of the world during these few weeks. But this year is different. I'm trying to eat more healthy, exercise more, tackle my bad skin, and honing my cooking skills. It's all part of my big endeavour to change my lifestyle, which will hopefully reflect in my appearance, and thus give me more self confidence. Anyway, I've just started two weeks ago, and already I've been feeling and seeing some improvements!

Started with the exercising, doing small 15 minute intervals on the bike, and hopefully building it up to a 1hr block. Planning to sign up to the gym next week, so I can attend classes. I dislike exercising as much as the next person, so I find I need a lot of motivation, and I think classes will help.

As for eating, I've been making my own food: 4-5 small portions a day, limiting my self to fruit/crackers after 7. Eating until I'm not hungry, as opposed to eating until I'm full. And drinking as much tea and water as I can.

Watched some youtube videos about skincare routines, researched some products, and started diligently following one that suited me. Woke up today with maybe the clearest skin I've had for months! But I think it was a combination of all the changes that I've made to my lifestyle.

I feel good inside, and seeing these changes just drive me to make more improvements :) I totally recommend it to anyone who feels as if they wasted their holidays as soon as they return to school.

100 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-11 20:23 ID:q+FFMPCa

I'm learning the banjo, the mandolin, and the piano at the moment.

I'll take up the violin and the guitar eventually, I think.

101 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-11 21:41 ID:LshsU8gx

In 10 days, I'm moving away from my family for good. I haven't even accepted that I don't live in my home of 12 years anymore and that I won't see my father every's really an odd feeling. It's surreal. I've planned to move to WA since I was 12, and now it's going to happen in 10 days. It's one of those things that you plan on doing but it's really far off and it's sorta a dream so you kinda think it won't happen...but it's happening. I'm really excited when I think about it..but deep down, I'm really, really scared. I've cried myself to sleep a few nights thinking about it. Thinking about how I won't be able to run to my sister's room when I find a funny youtube video, or how I won't hear my mom's weird laugh from another room, or I won't hear my dog's collar jingling as she comes downstairs to wake me up. I know I'll be living with my best friend and it's going to be awesome, but I feel kind of hopeless about the other stuff. Oh well. Everyone leaves home at some point...and I'm going to have a lot of fun. N is my sister and she'll take care of my like she always has. I know I will be fine. This is what I always dreamed of. I feel really good about it.

102 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-11 23:54 ID:uQFYHyKm

I'm glad to hear you're moving out. I hope it will go fine.

103 Name: brick : 2010-07-12 10:04 ID:jzfwViJ5

Hey dude, I felt exactly the same thing when I decided to move overseas after spending all of my life in the same house, same town, same school, same group of friends, with same faces every morning, same music on the radio, same voices on the TV. It was a really weird sensation to cut off completely from the daily routine of my life. Spending the first months away was hard. Coming to terms of my own existence away from everything that I knew was complicated and saddening. But I put in the effort to do my best on my own, work hard and try to get to know people. I am now as happy as I've never been, going to college, working part time, going to parties often and meeting a lot of new and great people. I'm so glad I decided to move.

But yes, it will be a bit tough to adjust to your new life.
Keep at it, don't surrender.

In my case, I spent the majority of my day resting after a 48 hour journey from watching world cup matches, helping my Yankee cousin to move out, catching up with some good old friends in a bar, to going to a DJ Competition to support a DJ friend of mine (and it was awesome). It was so hard to walk after that complete ordeal. INCREDIBLE!!

104 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-12 22:45 ID:S5I4YInR

Since this doesn't really deserve it's own thread, I'm posting this here, in order of hoping to achieve great succes..

I'm a soon to be former-NEET. I'm sort of being forces to get back into college for some sort of whatever degree, and that's fine, it'll be for the best, I guess...

Right now, I'm trying to get myself into the mood of doing things when I set my mind to it. I'll be getting assignments and whatever that'll have some sort of due date. It's been 6 years since I've dropped out of college, and it's more than 6 years since I've actually finished some sort of assignment.

Back to the now, I'm trying to get myself to start, keep working on, and complete my goals. Simple things, little projects. So far it's been a dissaster. I started on a single, extremly simple task, and I haven't finished it. It's been about 3 months into "trying". wat do, 4-ch? They're all things related to my interest, and I don't dislike doing them, I just can't start, or finish anything. I just want to sleep and fap and browse...

105 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-22 00:12 ID:o7Xytnbv


Hey, don't push yourself. You'll get to your goals when you're ready. You can't accomplish anything if you're not mentally set to take them on. There will come a time when you're sick of what you're doing, and you'll feel invigorated when given the opportunity to improve yourself. Keep your eyes open and don't sweat it, we all fall into funks.

106 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-24 00:13 ID:pXL860gh

My class is fucking killing me. I took a break this year from school after some unfortunate events caused me to really fuck up in school I stopped taking my meds, which was possibly the most taxing experience ever, and I was only able to get though like one class. I decided to take a class during the summer to put myself back on track, but man, I suck. I got an 87 on our first project, but I have a feeling that I got like a 60 or 50 on our second one, even though I busted every fiber of my being trying to do it. I'm losing the faith, and losing endurance. And our teacher wants a floor plan and a section, penciled and inked by MONDAY.

I want to kill myself. :(

107 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-24 21:12 ID:o7Xytnbv


Wow, you're really trying to get back into some semblance of normalcy. If you worked all you could on that project, it makes no sense to start thinking you did badly on it. If you did your best, that's all you could do. That's honorable enough, even if you couldn't get to where you really wanted to be. Getting back into things takes time, even if you're trying to go about changing in full force. Don't be concerned. You have to ease yourself into change, and you can't be too hard on yourself.

Things haven't been easy for you at all, but the greatest thing you can do for yourself is believe in your ability to recover. Take it slow. If you're still hit by setback after setback, don't sweat it. It's not your time, but in the future you'll be hit with a great success if you stick to it now.

As for your recent assignment, I'd just say to buckle down and try to get it done. The motivation isn't there, but you'll feel a lot better about yourself if you can get it done. At least do a bit of it. If you fail, you can try again. There are always opportunities. You'll always have an opportunity to live better, so you've got to get through these rough spots. Focus on getting the project done. It doesn't matter if you do it half-halfheartedly or grudgingly, or even if you're putting all you have into it. Just get it done.

Hang in there! We all doubt whether it's good to be here. Sometimes it feels like it would be better to have a permanent ticket out. But that would be such a waste. You have so much human potential in you and it would be a waste to die with all that you can do never being born. Try to see yourself through this tough time. I'm positive things will be looking up for you soon.

108 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-25 14:04 ID:pXL860gh

Wow are you god or something? Thank you so much. I'll get it done.

109 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-26 01:09 ID:o7Xytnbv


All right, great! Just remember to take small breaks, and don't overwhelm yourself. Good luck!

110 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-28 06:30 ID:bJP9VbeL

I guess I'll jump onto the bandwagon.

I regularly keep in touch with my parents in Los Angeles. And when I recently caught a case of the dry cough from a coworker, they decided to drive halfway across the state to my apartment. I share the space with three other roommates who, in addition to moving out for the summer, left behind food in their rooms and the refrigerator.

My parents arrived in the middle of the war I waged against the flies. Noticing me discarding rotten food from the refrigerator, they decided to help me clean the apartment. We scoured the kitchen, cleaned the bathroom, and vacuumed the entire place. Not content with stopping there, we then went shopping for groceries to keep me stocked for the summer. We even bought a new trash can to replace our old, slightly broken one.

But that wasn't all. To help me recover from my cough, they cooked meals for me. They prepared soup to remedy my coughing. They changed my bedsheets. And before they set out for home yesterday, they left notes for me about where to find my dinner, which foods to eat, and so on. I am so grateful for my parents. So. Fucking. Grateful.

Anyhow, this morning I ate one of the muffins they bought and headed to work. But when I returned, there were flies in the muffins. I immediately made a phone call to my mom, who scolded me and advised me to wrap my food next time. And for the first time in awhile, I cried. I felt especially bad because my parents took the time to drive halfway across the state for me.

It's silly, I know. As a senior college student, I reasoned that instead of crying over spoiled muffins, I should do something about the flies. Yet when my mom continued to ask me how I was, I couldn't help but feel the tears coming out. It was lame and dumb, but deep inside I knew that I wanted to cry. But strangely enough, I didn't know why.

That's when my mom told me that I was crying because I subconsciously needed to. And for some reason, I thought of the main character in Black Rock Shooter: Mato. She was able to get along with her new friends in school and do fun things together like shopping or going to each other's houses. Then I realized that in my childhood, I never had a core group of friends like Mato. Sure, I could get along fine with everyone else, but ultimately I was left to my own devices. I was lonely. I was crying because I was lonely.

However, I already understand that if I don't want to be lonely, then I should make an effort to find friends or strengthen the relationships I already have. But this is one of those times where I feel insecure and I just want to rant without worrying about what to do. I'm not pleading for help or asking for advice; on the contrary, this is my catharsis. I ask for nothing more than your sympathy.

111 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-28 22:11 ID:pXL860gh


Oh lol. You sound like me. Is black rock shooter any good? Anyways, your parents are really great people, man. And you sound like a good person yourself.

College, for some people, is a lonely experience that they don't notice until they actually get attention. It's good that your parents were there for you, because now you want the same attention for yourself. I was friendless for a while when I transferred to my new school, but I went out to things I enjoyed. I love fighting games, I love animu, I like to work out, I like to draw, and I like to eat. So I joined clubs and did things that had stuff like that in it. Sure enough, I found friends that have become much more than that. One of my good friends is 30 years old and a HUGE American comics fan who creates his own art. He always feeds me and the rest of his crew even though he doesn't have to. He's kind, friendly, and tolerant. His girlfriend is the same. His friends are older than I am, and all jokers but I get along with them. My roommates are nerds like I am and they are probably going to be my friends for life. We all went though hard times, and we all got mad at each other, and I put them though a lot of shit this year. But they are my friends. I don't have a girlfriend or anything, i'm just a nerdy black kid with strange interests that people would normally side-cast. But these people didn't. All because I wanted to see what I could find, and I didn't give up. It's hard at first; you feel like the odd one out, awkward socially, etc. It gets better. And you start really caring about your own life.

112 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-05 02:07 ID:bJP9VbeL

Black Rock Shooter's plot is lacking, but it's got amazing fight scenes. It's like they throw a fight scene at you, then some school stuff, then more fighting, then more school stuff, and then more fighting. And even at the end, there aren't enough cues to give you a solid connection between real life and the world of Black Rock Shooter.

In summary, cute and confusing.

But yeah, I'm glad you're comfortable with your life. Even though you've been at odds with your roommates, you seem to have it good. You do your own thing, then you find other people who do the same stuff. If you can't, then you keep your head high and keep trying. Pretty resilient, you are. I admire you for that. Thanks.

113 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-07 03:51 ID:sii34vga


the fighting scenes take part AFTER the school stuff, but I guess this isn't the right board to discuss anime

114 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-09 08:25 ID:YUn1EcsX

Fall semester begins in exactly 2 weeks at my university and I could not be any more apprehensive. This is my 2nd year there and I'm still considered a freshman rather than a sophomore due to screwing around too much last year. I failed a fair share of my courses, my GPA is a abysmal, and I have no idea what I want to do at college. I'm surprised they haven't booted me out yet.

I feel like I'm there because that's how I was raised and taught. You go through elementary school, middle school, high school, college, get your degree, get your job, get your family, get old. But is school for me? Throughout high school I had a series of fuck ups but I still haven't learned my lesson in college.

I just have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life. I have no goals, no ambitions. I laze around all day, playing video games, goofing off on the internet, or hanging out with the few friends that I actually have. I've never had a job and I'm too petrified to put my foot forward to obtain one. I'm turning 20 this year but I still feel like I haven't matured.

I need to get my shit together but I just don't know where to being.

115 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-10 00:33 ID:UIkadJAd


Whoa i was in the same situation kinda. I fucked up hard and got booted out of school in my first year. Went to work manual labour for a year. Working with men in their 30's and 40's put my life into perspective. Could i really become like them and just work to raise a family or did i want something more? I guess i decided to go back to school with a new ambition and so far everything is working out.

Try stepping out there and see whats for you... maybe it was never meant to be school. Or maybe all you needed with a kick in the groin to wake up and see how important schooling is 2 you.

116 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-10 14:50 ID:EeNyHu+X


Yeah dude, nothing new here. What I suggest is that you try and take a smaller load, if you can, and get a part-time job, if you feel like you lack ambition. It could be that school is far too much of your focus, and you may need to balance that out with something else. Take myers briggs to get a bit of insight into what personality type you are. Answer honestly, and live life well.

The problem with school is that we have people naturally inclined for logic and reasoning running schools that have a melting pot of different students with different personalities that aren't suited for rigorous academia or corporate America. Yes, you make money, and yes, you gain prestige, but do you gain talent? Individuality? Love?

Sometimes life and living is more vital than "following the crowd." I'm not saying to stop school. We need something that questions our way of life to keep balance. But you need to slow down, and find out what fits you best. See if loans will allow you to take a lesser load, and take it. Meanwhile, work to support yourself.

117 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-15 02:28 ID:EkreW07x

Got fired and am now currently squatting at a friend's place. Stop.

Looking for job but no luck; will try harder.
Full stop.

118 Name: Anonymous : 2010-08-15 05:27 ID:zp4jwWRh

That sucks, bro.

Just take it easy and you'll eventually find a decent job.

119 Name: Anonymous : 2010-11-11 08:03 ID:79o/mZWV


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