The topic is in the title. Help!
"Hey mom remember this discussion we had about the two things I should under no circumstance do? Yeah, well, I don't do drugs."
Call her a racist, you race mixing sillybuns [that was a joke, kinda]. Anyway, you gotta ponder which is more important to you: your or your mother's happiness.
Explain to her genetic diversity.
Captcha: jepition
you dont. its not worth the headache it will cause for both of you unless you intend to marry him, which hopefully you wont. if shes a traditional asian mother shes not even going to accept it after you get married, she'll simply 'give up'. being the daughter and not the son, its not as huge a deal anyway since you cant carry on the family name.
I thought that white boys were fair game for asians. Oh well. OP, honestly its up to you whether or not you want to date him. If your mom loves you, she'll accept it one day. For now, just do what makes you happy/
You'd think so, but culturally, many Asians have traditions regarding who dates who.
>>7 this is not how asian people roll. from the parent's point of view, marrying a white man would be proof that she does not love or care about her family. from the viewpoint of the traditional asian family, this is about the woman putting her own personal feelings ahead of the family, and -she- is the one cutting the ties between them.
whites are no more fair game for asians than any other race for traditionalists. in fact, in most asian families where this is even an issue, dating outside your ethnic asian group (e.g. japanese, chinese, korean etc) is just as bad as being with a white person, as the grievances between these countries generally run deeper than they do with white countries.
if you see a white person with an asian, the asian is either americanized, or is rebelling against his/her family. you may not understand it, or even be willing to understand it, but this is how it is. although honestly, this sort of tradition is not exclusive to asians, ive seen the exact same behavior amongst white europeans and jews.
Fundamentally, it's not even so much an issue of romance. Many Asian cultures put the needs of others, ESPECIALLY family, before the needs of the individual. Putting your own happiness above anyone else's is a very Western view. Fine and good if that's what you believe in of course, but it's a question of how much respect you have for your heritage and your family's beliefs.
as one asian to another let me tell you a couple of things;
Get that started and see where you mother stands. some parents are not that against it, as they see the changes of society.
2.If she is not ok with it, be ready for a lot of arguments, with it be with your bf or your mom. you might figure "maybe its not worth getting a white bf, and tearing apart my relationship with my mom." or you might think "maybe i should just be with my bf and my mom could go F-Off." either way your going to have conflict, so you might wanna stand resolute to you ideas.
my advice, unless your over 20, dont go after the guy, to my experience, boys arent worth tearing apart your entire family for.
my cousin is pretty much banned from her house cause she made such a fuss about her bf, and after he dumped her, her family still disowned her.
you might think "this guy doesnt know how much we love each other" your right i dont, but im going by what i know as guy, and guys, in general just want 1 thing, no matter what, they will alwasy want 1 thing.
although he might be the exception, but hey if you wanna throw the dice and hope for the best, your choice
You situation has pretty much been my life story...I've dated a lot of nationalities, but the one I can't stand is my own. I moved out by the time I was 17, not just because of my taste in girls but simply because my family was way too conservative in all subjects for us to have ANY common ground. They're racist, sexist, straight-laced, Christian...I can't even agree with them in politics, or the simplest things like cats over dogs, or painting a room anything other than white! And apparently, getting a piercing means you're gay, getting a tattoo makes you an ex-criminal, and learning how to cook and sew makes you less of a man.
Wow, I digress, sorry. Anyway, I really feel for you, it's distressing how Asian families in America are...why come to America at all if you stubbornly refuse change? I wish you luck and I pray you don't become like me...I call my parents once every other week (or longer), and avoid them like a plague.
>why come to America at all if you stubbornly refuse change
This. Not American here but another immigrant family. We're approaching 20 years since we first stepped on this continent and my parents still don't speak a word of English. They think it's my responsibility to translate for them for the rest of our lives, or I'm not worth the rice they fed me and should be disowned or something.
>>12
>>13
You two sound a little young and perhaps you don't understand or aren't willing to understand things from your parent's perspective. Immigrants -never- come to the US because they want to 'be American'. They want the opportunity and freedom that isn't available wherever they originally came from. That doesn't mean they want to, or should have to adopt our culture. They want our higher standards of living, not our way of life. As a matter of fact, it's completely un-American to think that they should. This country was founded on the concept of tolerance. They've lived lives much harder than yours, you should learn to respect the fact that they gave you an opportunity for a better one.
Now you might think, that cuts both ways because they aren't being tolerant of you. Well, not really, they don't consider themselves American, and they don't consider you American. They are probably ashamed of your self-hatred. Whether or not you like it or believe it, you will always stand in the shadow of your family's culture because of your physical appearance. It doesn't matter if you were born-and-raised American and don't speak a lick of any language except English.
The simple fact is, the majority of this country is not a cultural melting-pot. If you find yourselves in middle-America where it's 99.9% white, you're probably in for some culture shock. Most of this country doesn't know or doesn't accept the fact that this country was stolen from Native Americans, and no white person is a real American. The sad truth of that is, you will have to learn to put up with that ignorance.
>>14
I witnessed how thrilled my parents were when they were approved to come. But the more time they spend here after they've landed, the more they loathe the country and became increasingly vocal and racist about it.
I think in my parents' case at least, they might've not done enough research to figure out whether the move would be for the better or worse, and thought moving to another country would magically make their life ten times better. They most likely regret the decision but now that they've settled and heading towards retirement, moving back would be even harder, so they must stay.
My parents aren't alone. We run a family business in Chinatown and meet many others who also regret their decision. Unfortunately, my parents and a number of these people refuse local culture and resent their children, who had no say in their decision to immigrate in the first place, in an act of spite. "If it weren't for you - our kids - we wouldn't have come, we wouldn't have had to suffer. It's your fault." Refusing the culture is just a part of their refusal to admit fault for making a rash decision. They believe that making us suffer would relieve themselves, that justice is served to the "offender" who started it all. That is what makes us resent them and fuels our drive to leave our culture behind.
You miscagenating WHORE. Stop opening your legs to disgusting hairy white cocks. Why can't you be a good, obedient asian like everyone else? You shame your ancestors! SHAME!
id approve of this message if it didnt smack of so much sarcasm. its not about seppuku worthy shame, but simple respect for your parents. for some reason respect towards your parents just doesnt seem to click for a lot of white people.
does going against your parents wishes mean you should jump in front of a car? no. if you love a white guy, whatever. its your biochemistry, go with it i guess. but your parents have as much right to be ashamed of you as you do to date a white guy. you should be thankful you arent the daughter of a muslim extremist who might murder you and your boyfriend for such an affront. shame will never kill you.