Prisoner (7)

1 Name: hk1990 : 2010-01-26 05:57 ID:nwWPtR90

I'm 20 years old.

-I live with my disabled mother and step-father.
-I have no job. No car. No income.
-I have scoliosis, anxiety, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and migraines, and other stress and depression issues.
-I am studying web-design online because I'm disabled in hopes to one day make a career out of it.
-I live in a small double-wide mobile home.
-The community sucks, the city sucks, everything sucks.
-I hate it here.
-I want to leave because I have endured living with my step-father who is physically, verbally, and mentally abusive for 9 years, and my mother who I have always been very close to, has began throwing guilt trips and fighting with me about stupid things.
-I want to get out but I can't.
-I have no way to provide for myself if I leave.
-Mom will kill herself and be destroyed if I leave her.
-But the mental anguish from living with the two is effecting my life.
-It's very hard here. It's filthy, and I can't keep up with how much they wreck the place. My health isn't good enough to care of 2 grown adults. They are disabled, but they have the ability to take care of themselves- but everything gets thrown onto my plate.
-I am older now, and don't have the time they have.
-They don't understand.
-I can't stand it anymore, no one understands that I am trying to make something of my life and be responsible, but we fight every time my schedule doesn't match theirs.
-I'm 20 years old.
-I'm not allowed to leave when I want to, I've got to complete a series of tasks every time I want to go out the door.
-If a friend visits me, mother must approve of them- half my friends hate it here.
-It smells, the animals run rampant- their crap and urine is behind every piece of furniture.
-Dishes pile up in a day.
-I'm 1 person with disabilities, a career in the works, a college student. I can't do it all around this house.
-I want to be alone.
-I want to get out.
-I don't want to hurt my mother- there are times when she needs me.
-It's come down to the fact that I either need to quit my successful web-design career and serve them- possibly damaging my back- or live my life as an independent adult- and become successful whether they like it or not.

I feel like a prisoner. I can't escape.
What do I do in this situation?

2 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-26 06:42 ID:R5oQ+EWT

Basically, as far as I can see, you have a choice right now as to whether to pursue your own happiness or devote yourself to what seems to me to be a pretty hellish existence of mental/emotional slavery.

So, assuming you want the former:

I think it would be wise to work on being able to handle the inevitable disconnection between you and your mother. Even if you live with her for the rest of your life, she will die eventually.

So my advice is to cultivate your ability to break away from her- to not rely on her in any way (mentally or otherwise).

It's probably going to be a gradual process.

I'm not saying that you need to ignore her or anything though. You don't need to drop the positive relationship aspects, just work on being able to fulfill, without her, whatever needs (emotional, etc) you currently rely on her to fulfill. This can be done with many things; examples would be work, hobbies and friendships/romantic relationships.

Additionally, I think it might help to break through the status quo and get out more often. Brainstorm some ways that you could spend time away from home. You said you had friends, right? And you have interests...

Even if there are obstacles to your getting out, think of them as inertia. If you keep applying force against the pull of inertia, it will give way eventually.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-26 17:40 ID:Heaven

Two words: retirement home.

4 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-27 19:56 ID:TpKVHQXi

Two words: move out. You may not want to hurt your mother, but she is hurting you. The only life that will have suffered, in the end, is your own. She is your mother, but even like animals, one must sever it's dependencies on its parent, or vice versa. If you do not, you will most likely be stuck with this life for good.

Solution: If your mother is incapable of completely caring for herself, she needs a home of some sort. Figure this part out. It is not your obligation to care for her for the rest of your life. As cruel as it sounds, it's a harsh reality. Secondly, you must peruse your own goals and ambitions, no matter how hard or how many obstacles you must pass. Find a city, a job, a school, a group of friends and start fresh.

5 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-28 19:41 ID:+tgJpwmh

If you want to take care of your mother, it will be much easier when you'd have reasonable job and some place to live. Otherwise you both will go down deeper and deeper.

6 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-28 20:54 ID:keFFmmwa

1) Your list of diseases makes you sound like a hypochondriac. Exercise, improve your diet, be open to the idea that's it's all in your head, and you'll feel a lot better. And don't give your checklist to people you meet or employers. Girls hate self-pity and employers don't want to hire someone they think will call in all the time.

2) You can get a ridiculous amount of financial aid if you apply for it. I got a grant of 2500 this semester bc I made only 10K last year(part time retail). That's enough to go to a tech or state school for a semester. And they usually give you the option to borrow more money, too. I know people who are paying rent with student loans.

3) You need to stand up to your stepdad. If this guy(who is probably at least twice your age) is still stronger than you, just call the cops if he gets physically abusive.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-29 09:27 ID:3IgZAaKv

get the hell out, seriously. you can't live like that, and it will only get worse. it is not your responsibility to sacrifice yourself for 2 grown adults who should have been helping you succeed.

disability is no reason for your mother or you to be co-dependent. i have major disabilities, but that didn't stop me from getting 2 college degrees. my husband has cerebral palsy and has a masters degree and works in the medical profession helping other disabled people.

the previous poster says you sound like a hypochondriac, but not knowing ityou i can admit that is an unfair assumption. however, it is true that a putting on a positive outlook, stopping the self pity and despair, and getting out of the house will work wonders for all of it.

i know what it is like to be afraid, i am terrified every single day. besides my obvious physical disability, i suffer from extreme, severe depression, anxiety, and ocd. i am actually in a very low point of my life right now and trying to work through my despair with the same advice i'm giving you.

trust me, though- don't wait, don't settle, and do not EVER give up your dreams for ANYONE. if you compromise yourself, there is no magic point in your life where everything will be all right. it will just get more and more difficult to change for the better, until suddenly it's 10/15 years down the road and you are wondering what the hell happened to your youth.

you have to create your life, don't wait for it. give your mother your love, and don't accept the guilt. i know it's hard, i really do, but emotional manipulation is blatantly unfair and will end up destroying your relationship anyway. to relate to her in the future without resentment, get out and live your life.

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