Cool Story (4)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2010-01-30 08:30 ID:wBwK7vNY

I have severe trust issues. I trust no one at all. Telling it here is the best I can do after much consideration and paranoia.

I'm pretty sure the root cause of this is being abused when I first immigrated here as a child. I could've been saved by other adult family members who were there, but they opt to walk up to me after the fact, look, leave and proceed with their day as if nothing happened. I tried to seek help back then but being a new immigrant at such a young age, I couldn't speak English and therefore, couldn't get the help I needed. I spoke to people who I thought I could trust. They all just told me to be more obedient if I don't want it to happen again. I once repeated what was done on me onto my younger brother. I was labelled inhuman and has been an outcast of the family ever since. Nobody would let their kid near me, even those who were much older than me. From that, I can conclude it was indeed abuse, not just my imagination or being a whiny kid, except it doesn't count when it was done on me. I was born to take it, everyone else deserves much better, or something along those lines.

I'm in my twenties. I can't relate to anyone at all.
I want to make real friends, not people with whom to trade favors like business deals. But I can't believe anyone would relate to me unless they're actively seeking something in return, and will give me hell if I don't live up to their unreasonable demands.
I want to be in a relationship but can't help wonder what people are up to if they approach me. I can't approach anyone because I don't know how to prevent being taken advantage of.
I don't want to be treated poorly. But I can't help but get my defenses up when someone's nice to me. I was happy before immigrating. I don't want to believe in anyone only to find out later that they were only nice to me so they can abuse me later on.

I'm really frustrated that nobody ever took me seriously, almost to the point where I would have children just to abuse them the same way and to prove the way I was treated was wrong, and I didn't deserve any of it.

2 Name: : 2010-01-30 13:48 ID:Heaven

I've always said that 'trust is earned, not inherited'. I, too, don't trust most people. I've got two friends, the other being a good buddy, the other a good-day mate. Anyway, I never wanted to have kids and with my hideous looks and zero confidence, it's no wonder I've never dated anyone. It was harsh to accept that life wasn't what it was supposed to be. The disappointment was like being promised to get a month full of wild sex with a dozen beautiful women, only to realize they weren't actually women nor beautiful and you couldn't leave.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-10 08:40 ID:f97WAORr

It's good you know this distrust (or, as a wise man once put it, "trust in the worst") is a problem.

I suggest you spend some time carefully watching your thought and behavior patterns. Maybe you're missing something important.

That might sound strange... But, fwiw, I know that when I find myself in a terrible state of mind, I always come up with a bit of insight into my situation when I just stop for a few minutes and watch everything play itself out, rather than getting involved and buying into every little thought and feeling that pops up in my head.

4 Name: Anonymous : 2010-02-10 23:34 ID:4HkDyHyx

I have somewhat similar problems (finding friends, except the whole abuse thing). Anyway, what helps me is realizing that there are friends and just acquaintances. It's important to have acquaintances, and you have to try to be nice (but this really isn't that much effort) to get them. But don't have any expectations from them, don't rely on these people and don't trust these people with your secrets/life story. These are the people you chitchat with, have a laugh, but in the end you both always pretend you are better than you really are.

But from all these people in the social network you build, a small group might be worthy of becoming your friend (and visa versa).

But don't expect it people you have just met to be your friend instantly. It can happen, but getting friends is something you have to put effort into, like almost everything else in life.

(well that's the theory anyway, too anxious to go out and do it most of the time)

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