Death (NOT a suicide thread) (9)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-28 08:27 ID:UrUa4DzL

Let me reiterate that this is not a suicide thread. I would never take my own life.

I've been thinking about death a lot for some time now, maybe even a few years. How will I die? Will I be satisfied with my life by then? And so forth.

I am very afraid of death. All these thoughts pop up whenever I see or hear news of death. I also indirectly deal with death occasionally at work. Nobody can give advice on how to deal with death because dead people can't give advice, which makes it all scarier on an entirely new level.

I am not happy with my life. I've never been happy. I've tried throughout all these years to look for somewhere I belong or devote myself to something but I always end up feeling empty after a while. I cannot connect with anyone. Accumulation of events in my life convinced me that people are up to no good at all. The only person who would ever be on my side is me. I know from countless experiences that the more dire the situation, the more likely I'd be abandoned or alone. I'm angry that everyone else has the right to happiness but me and there's nothing I can do about it.

All of these are making me seriously depressed. I can only see death ahead of me. I know I'd never find happiness, so I'll die with this depression and having lived without accomplishing anything at all. Knowing that, it makes me feel even worse.

I don't want to die, yet that is all I have got.

I need to get out of this as soon as possible but I don't know how. I want to know why I don't deserve to be happy like everyone else. Why must I live only to suffer.

2 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-28 09:13 ID:jK8OQSMr

I may ramble, I am prone to it- please forgive me if I do:

It's interesting you mention you "look for somewhere I belong or devote myself to something but I always end up feeling empty after a while."

I once was taught, and believe now, that happiness is not something you get from outside yourself, but something that is the result of you.

How you think, how you act.

Of course, I won't try to make you believe you can just "think happy and be happy" because I don't think it's that easy (although it can't hurt to think good thoughts and forgo bad ones), but I do think remembering that ultimately all feelings are the result of the mind is important, especially when you start thinking that devoting yourself to things outside yourself should necessarily result in happiness. I think external things are important as a method, but are not the end, in themselves.

I'm not sure if that gives you an idea of where to go from here, but I hope it helps explain why you haven't found yourself happy in past ventures.

Also, and this is just a thought, but maybe it's the case that you just haven't spend enough time thinking of what happiness really is to understand how to go about finding it?

You certainly can ponder up some questions about why your life sucks, so why not ponder up some clues as to how to go about changing it?

We are going to do die. Any minute now.

Life is short.

So what do we do now?

If you don't like your experience, what can you change to make it better?

Some people do it, and they live in the same situation as you. They will die. They suffer.

I know people that do not live blessed lives, that are not popular, that are not rich, or well to do at all, and yet still smile.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-28 18:36 ID:A7AsnppB

OP I can't help but feel that your view on death is narcissitic and selfish. Life is meant to be shared with other people Everyone dies and we all contemplate similar questions at one point or another. The thing is since we all have this same dilenma this same uncertainty of when we will die, what life is, and how to live life well and feel happy in the end we can better help each other out life feelings are all meant to be shared with other people. whether its just your family or a few close friends or maybe more people through some media. Humans are social animals and need other people around them to be happy. Just some stuff to think about I'm pretty loopy from some pain medicine right now

4 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-29 05:08 ID:UrUa4DzL

I cannot bring myself to trust anyone after all that's happened, with how my family treated me. My closest friends are close to me because my failure gives them a sense of superiority, otherwise, there is nothing to gain from being friends with me. It makes no sense to befriend me for anything other than that purpose. If I share my life, it means I open myself up to people to let them abuse me all they want. I'm not going to let that happen again.

5 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-30 14:50 ID:g7qFFKuz

You should see a psychiatrist--they'll know how to help you deal with those sorts of things much better than any internet forum can.

6 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-31 06:40 ID:UrUa4DzL

I know I should, but I've been there already a couple of years ago. No amount of professional help can do anything when I don't have a support network.

People who should be on my side were not and still aren't. They believe anyone with mental illnesses are freaks who should be sent far away to die in order to minimize damage to society because it's contagious and they don't want to become a freak like me. I make them look bad. They blame me when someone accuses them of contributing to making me who I am now. Some are keeping me in their network only to make sure I tell everyone later on that he or she was the one who brought me out of my depression. Others cut ties with me because I am not beneficial to their career or network. It only makes me more depressed to remember their reaction and know they haven't changed the slightest bit. I wouldn't be asking for help from an Internet forum if I saw a way out in real life.

I was reading about Vincent van Gough's life a little while ago. At Eternity's Gate brought me to tears. At least he had support. At least he was able to paint such a painting. I have nothing at all save memories of brief moments of happiness here and there that I try to recall as often as I can to make myself slightly less sad.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-31 21:43 ID:rzpmu+YU


When I read your prose I get the feeling you must be a beautiful person inside and you do deserve happiness.
It's terrible how little those closest to us understand about depression. It seems most people believe that a person who isn't bleeding must be healthy and capable. And those that are able to recognize something is wrong don't have the tools to provide helpful emotional support.
I'm there. I've been there. And I'll return again.
Don't give up. Find something, anything that makes you smile.

For any of you reading this who haven't gone through the wasteland, if you could take five minutes of your healthy life to read on the subject, you'll be a better person for it.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-01 17:27 ID:bYFrl/C+

I used to be afraid of death. Nowadays I am just mostly neutral about it, although it's still a concept that can be difficult to think about. But just like the origin of the universe or something, I know that it's rather pointless to think about because once you are dead, you are incapable of thinking anyway. It's not knowable to really understand what it is like.

One of the thoughts that gave me some comfort was knowing I didn't exist before. The fact that before my conception I didn't exist, and that doesn't bother me in the slightest, makes me realize that lack of existence itself is not what scares me. Rather, it's the regret of loss, knowing that I spend a whole life gathering thoughts, memories... and that will all be lost, along with (eventually) all traces of my existence. However, we all contribute to the world, even if we don't think we do, even in subtle ways we influence the world around us.

The nature of the world is one that always changes, nothing is permanent. This includes human life, and we just have to accept this. The fact that things change, is also what brings us enjoyment, otherwise things would just be stiff and boring. We ourselves are no different, we constantly change... I am not the same person I was 10 years ago. Although it would be false to say that person 10 years ago has died, he just changed into something else. Death is just the halting of this process, but until that time, try to live in the moment and don't let worries about tomorrow take away enjoyment of today.

Anyway, it seems like you are depressed regardless of your fear of death, I hope you can get over it. Many people eventually do. It's unfortunate you haven't had a change to meet nice people (or perhaps you are unable to see them because of your bleak outlook on life). Maybe you can try to be different yourself, be compassionate, giving and selfless. Hopefully it will rub off on your surroundings and you'll at the very least prevent others from feeling like you do now. I think that if you do that, you'll become happier about yourself and maybe find nice people that you otherwise wouldn't have met.

9 Name: Anonymous : 2010-06-18 19:37 ID:+oDelMVz

study physics

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