I will never be happy (7)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-24 00:30 ID:VaL/+Nt1

I hate most women and I thought that I would never love one. I was rather okay with that -- not completely fine, since I knew that I was missing out something, but I thought I would never know what I'm missing, so that didn't bother me so much.
Then I met her. We were both 18 at that time, we went to high-school-thing together. She was absolutely perfect. I mean it; she was like my female counterpart, she loved what I love, she hated what I hate, even the smallest details. The life was great. We were just friends but that was enough for me. Three years later, we parted ways. We had some e-mail conversations, and she ultimately decided that I was obsessed over her (I was and I still am) and that she doesn't want to hear form me any more. That was over two years ago, and in these two years, I don't remember a day I wouldn't think of her. I got a girlfriend, but when I was alone, she wasn't the one I missed. I've been trying to find someone, but most women I see are slutty whores who would only fuck/watch TV/read twilight books/etc. I am unable to watch films and read books any more, since my thoughts deviate from the plot towards her. Every moment of free time I have, I think about her. She has a boyfriend now, but I don't give a damn, I just want to see her twice a month. I fare above average in the other parts of my life; I have money, I am healthy, I have friends (one friend, really). But all that doesn't matter since that one thing keeps bringing me down. What the hell do I do? How do I forget her?

2 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-24 04:45 ID:pTMKjDOu

You tell yourself that she doesn't need you. Though you need her, there needs to be a bond of mutual reliance between you both, and you don't have that. There was no reason for the relationship to continue because of this. I don't think she understands you well enough nor cares for that matter. If you aren't what she needs she'll drop you, and that shows that she's not a good person for you. A lasting relationship is based more on the intangibles than on anything else, less on transitory figments like shared likes or dislikes. You guys just didn't work out. Take what you learned from this relationship and learn to cherish another woman in a deeper way. You'll find another person who will bring you to another level, and you'll be better than you could have ever imagined. Acknowledge the good things you had with this woman, but take into account the things that drove you apart, because there is the truth. You will learn to stand up without her over time, and even if you have her in mind, that image will allow you to find a better partner who will grow with you and need you as much as you need her. Relax. Allow yourself to reminisce but let yourself experience new people and new things. Good luck.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-24 06:57 ID:JdHJOFso

You talk as though everything is great for you other than this one little thing. Everything is not great for you, you have a serious personal issue, which is what pushed that girl away from you. Whether it's lack of confidence, insecurities or some other issue altogether, I don't know.

You had an unhealthy attachment to her and I think you need to deal with the underlying issues that are causing you to, as you admit, have obsessive tendencies. This is entirely your problem and it is only tangentially related to the girl.

I felt this way about the first girl I liked when I was in my mid teen years, but in the following two or three years I got more confident in myself and grew as a person and no longer had this problem. It's not enough to think, "I'm okay, cause I got money, my health and friends" You have to be okay with and be competent at being yourself too.

4 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-24 23:07 ID:VaL/+Nt1

Great, we're having a class reunion. I can barely slop myself from crying when I read her posts discussing it. Should I go?

5 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-25 00:29 ID:pTMKjDOu


I'm sure you want to...but if you went you'd reinvigorate your obsession over her. You'd want to talk to her, you'd want to be with her, and you wouldn't be able to. You'd be able to see her but is that enough? It would just drive you to want her more, and you don't need that now because not having her is affecting you in a negative way.

You want to move on, but there' s no chance of that if you keep holding on to her in your mind.

If you went, the best thing you could do would be to look at her and tell yourself that you don't need her. To think bad things about her. To look at her while reprogramming yourself. But this takes a lot of control and willingness, and I don't know if you have it.

So best bet...don't go. Unless you want to be eaten up by it afterword worse than you are now. You're already admitting it would be a problem, and you can't hold yourself together just reading her posts. For the sake of the quality of your life and your sanity, don't allow yourself to go...

6 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-25 02:28 ID:JdHJOFso

Agreeing with the above. Don't go, instead use this as an opportunity to move forward.

Try finding something to distract yourself with in the mean time, ideally not a person, since that's potentially just replacing one limerent object with another. You should take up a new hobby, or get involved with something that you are passionate about in the community, try volunteering or similar.

On an interesting note though OP, there's been a study that suggests that SSRIs can in fact reduce feelings of and desire for love and romance.

It might be worth talking with a doctor about this problem in any case.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-25 04:33 ID:pTMKjDOu

You need to sever yourself from her. You ask how to forget her... but you don't want that. You've got to make your mind up. What is better for you? To keep following this girl who has no interest in you? Or for you to separate yourself from her and embrace the possibility that there is another girl out there who can return your interest?

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