Thank you for reading.
I fear I've frigged up all of my life already.
I am a 20 year old white male currently living in San Diego. I have a nice one bedroom apartment 15 blocks from the beach. I have a nice job as a software developer. I take sailing lessons and have no material wants--my job pays well enough to more than satisfy my rather modest needs.
I'm depressed.
I'm all alone.
I don't know..
... what to do
I should be happy. My life is easy and always has been. I never worked hard or anything. I feel like a jackass for complaining because I know there are people who would kill to have what I have. People tell me I work hard, but I know in my heart that I slack off and do not operate at anywhere near my potential.
Why am I sad? I don't know. I implore you to help me find out. I have no close friends in SD. I have no girlfriend (and haven't for years). I go back to school (university) in January (3rd year now), but even when I was in school and had `friends' I felt like this.
I'm sure listening to music like "Adam's Song" and watching shows like "Densha Otoko" don't help my mood, but I do it because drowning myself in relate-able stories eases the pain, it almost feels good to hear about other people's failures. Maybe it's the camaraderie.
I have no passion, nothing really tickles my fancy, but I don't sit around doing nothing. I went hiking last weekend, sailing the weekend before. I DROWN MYSELF IN THINGS TO DO BUT NOTHING HELPS.
I fear I've never loved anyone. I don't mean romantic love, I mean any love. I think what I need is a best friend. Maybe if that works out I can graduate to girlfriends. Who knows.
Please respond. I need to know someone cares.
I think I might understand a little its easy to get depressed when everything is sort of given to you, life is easy and you don't have everything you want like a girlfriend. I know that sounds harsh and I don't mean it to be but thats just sort of how a mind works. Its possible you don't want to move forward maybe you are afraid of something in your future. It's hard to say. I've found that if you attribute those feelings to something anything you'll feel a little better. It might be nothing more than deluding yourself but it can help in the short term. Like say you feel terrible tommorow just attribute it too say a rainy day and you're stuck inside or the food you ate last night was no good. Really though its something within yourself you need to realize its this fear of something and even if you feel bad about slacking off thats not the issue everyone slacks off and its ok. Just don't give up man life isn't all that bad you could run into that girl next week for all you know put on a good face for her whoever she is.
People always say tell me "if you're not happy alone then you're not good enough for a girl!". So I don't try very hard to meet females. I figure, if i can just make myself happy and well on my own, then i can meet a beautiful, kind girl who will brighten my days.
But i can't. I keep trying to find a passion, something that makes me happy. Sometimes i come close. Sometimes a class at college makes me really happy (I'm interning until January) or I find some new topic to read about or I start working on some software I'm rally excited about. But. At the end of the day I have no one to share my hopes and dreams and my excitement about everything that vie done in that day with!!
Thank you for your response. I will try to keep a positive outlook...
Oh look, this thread again.
Yeah, you just need some friends, kiddo. Humans are social creatures by nature blah blah blah you get the idea
Yeah just saying keep a positive outlook doesn't really help all that much. Sorry I was slightly drunk when I wrote that but I usually give better advice when I am... anyway.
You aren't completely alone right? I mean you said you had friends in the past and you still have you're parents so why not keep in touch with them. Can't you find anyone around that does the same things you do liking a hiking club or some sailing group? It seems like you are just making excusses for yourself so you can be depressed. You might think that makes no sense but it really doesn't being depressed is easier you don't have to do alot of work you can just be like I feel bad today and go back to sleep. But anyway I'm sure you can find people and some of those people might be girls or maybe you can find some regualr guy friends and they can hook you up. Don't give up you seem like you've been pretty successful in life so I'm sure you can make a couple friends.
i understand that feeling a lot of people do. this happen to me in highschool a few times it got really bad i ended up getting professional help, from a psychologist and being prescribed anti-depressants. I felt amazing after i was so busy all the time and i was passionate about my job again and my social life, however medicine isn't always the right answer, at least not forever. I'm off the medicine now and i am doing pretty well i've gotten myself into a funk but i am pushing out of it. Working out usually helps me and reading about others problems. Try and find a book about someone dealing with the same problems. Have no fear though sounds like your life could be a lot worse just remember that it's not as bad as it seems. Maybe you can make October a month of change!
Give back. Teach and help out some needy people. Find a hobby that differs from your line of work, and find one that has a long-term goal.
I would kill to get life like yours.
I have a bit of a relation to this, nothing really brings out much emotion in me anymore, almost as if I've already experienced it all, but I guess that's all part of becoming an adult. If you think you need a good friend that would probably help, but if you can't find one don't give up. That's the shitty part about life, having to wait and find something so golden and precious like that, and it can take a year or two to find someone that will fulfill that feeling. You should be happy with what you have, it sounds like you lack hope, I know what it feels like.