4-ch, how do I work up the courage to tell someone I don't like them, don't want to be around them, and don't want to talk to them?
There's this guy I meet through my roommate last semester and I can't stand him. I thought I had finally gotten rid of him because I took last semester off and didn't answer any of his calls(stupid fuck kept calling me till July), but life likes to torture me and I keep running into him.
I know the mature, responsible thing to do is just tell him I don't want to be around him, and that I'm being really two-faced by being nice to him and then venomously hating him behind his back, but I still feel really bad saying that to him. Plus at this point I kind of feel like I'm obligated to keep talking to him since the first time we ran into each other I was like "YEAH WE'RE STILL COOL HAHAHA" and that was basically my chance to break it off.
Also, I'm between a rock and a hard place in that I'm a little afraid of him, so I'm scared to break it off but I'm also scared to be around him.
It's very simple what you should do make a list of all the things you hate about him and why you don't want to be anywhere near him that should give you the incentive. Or find someone he knows and make them tell him for you
Sounds to me like he's kind of... obsessive.... lol
I would be careful, whatever course of action you take.
I can't bring myself to believe that not breaking away from him (actively, rather than passively- like you've been trying) will result in any change for the better.
Maybe you should just not pretend to be nice to him? Just show your real emotions. I'm not saying be mean to him, but maybe you could just show your disinterest and aversion in a slightly more direct way?
Don't engage him, and if he engages you don't commit to anything with him (party, etc), and keep your communication flat and short. Maybe he just doesn't realize that you don't like him? A reasonable, sane person would, at this point, realize this, but he does not sound reasonable or like a shining beacon of sanity.
Maybe, with him, it's like how children don't learn to stop doing something bad when their parents just ignore that bad behavior, rather than reprimanding them? I dunno. I've seen this in people, where they take on childish characteristics for some reason. Maybe they have brain damage, maybe they have a personality disorder or some mental illness? Who knows.
Anyway, hopefully he will eventually get the point.
Of course, there's also the option of just telling him "You just don't know when to stop, do you?" or outright telling him to fuck off. But it's hard to say how he'll react.
So, yeah, I'm really helpful.
Have you tried talking to your roommate about it? Or anyone else?
I'll try to do that. He's done enough rage worthy things.
>disinterest and aversion in a slightly more direct way?
At this point, I think I'm going to have to be as direct as possible and just flat out tell him I don't like him. Which is the hard part and I hate because that's always socially awkward and mean and makes everyone feel bad. But man I've been trying to set it up so that he'll take the hint and bow out gracefully and we could just quietly, uneventfully, unembarrassingly stop talking to each other BUT THE FUCKER WON'T DO IT.
>Don't engage him, and if he engages you don't commit to anything with him (party, etc), and keep your communication flat and short.
Haha, that's the funny part. I never answer any of his calls or open up when he comes to my door, and every time he sees me he asks me why and I come up with some bullshit excuse. And then he says "Well, lets do this tomorrow!" and I come up with another bullshit excuse as to why I can't, and then he says "Well, call me when you want to do something." and I <i>never do</i>.
>Of course, there's also the option of just telling him "You just don't know when to stop, do you?" or outright telling him to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure this is what I'm going to have to do. I'm thinking next time we talk, I'll say something like "Yeah, that's great, but I wanted to ask you, what do you want out of talking to me? Because I truth last year I didn't really connect to you, and I'm not feeling anything currently either and I'm thinking it'd be best if we went our separate ways." I'll try to think of more, but yeah.
I haven't because the roommate that introduced us isn't my roommate again this year. I did tell my current roommate, and ironically they were in a class with him last year.
Well, I kind of pity the guy. My guess is that he's a socially awkward person, and you've been sending him conflicting signals. I'm sure if you weren't acting nice to him in front of his face, he wouldn't keep trying to call you. If you suddenly drop a bombshell like "Yeah, that's great, but I wanted to ask you, what do you want out of talking to me?..." I think it could seriously inflict some damage. He would lose trust in later relationships, or just be too scared to approach anyone any more. What you have to do is to break down the signals so that he becomes to realise what the situation is himself. For example, keep ignoring his calls, avoiding contact whatever, and if he brings it up, then say that you don't really connect, and that you can't give him what he wants etcetc.
If he was being incredibly unreasonable and stalkerish, only then would I recommend straight out rejection as a last resort, but as it stands, I think you should take some responsibility for giving him some hope in the first place.
maybey you shouldn't be nice to people you don't like
if you feel guilty about it, tough cookies
cause it'll only avalanche from there
Well I already talked to him but it's kind of over with, but I'll answer anyways.
>socially awkward person
Haha, no, not at all. He has friends. I'm way more socially awkward than he is, and when we had that conversation he was kinda disappointed and a little embarrassed, but otherwise chill.
>If you suddenly drop a bombshell like "Yeah, that's great, but I wanted to ask you, what do you want out of talking to me?..." I think it could seriously inflict some damage.
See, I think I was doing more damage by not cutting off contact. He was wasting his time trying to talk to me or trying get me to do things when all I would do is try to end the conversation or make excuses as to why I couldn't. It wasn't a good situation, and since I wasn't going to magically start liking him, the only other option I had was to end it.
>What you have to do is to break down the signals so that he becomes to realise what the situation is himself. For example, keep ignoring his calls, avoiding contact whatever, and if he brings it up, then say that you don't really connect, and that you can't give him what he wants etcetc
Dude, that's what I was trying to do for MONTHS, and he never got it. I ignored his phones calls, I avoided him, I never committed any time to him or accepted any invitations from him. What the hell else was I supposed to do? Spit in his face? Since he wasn't getting it and wasn't going to bring it up, I had to.
>I think you should take some responsibility for giving him some hope in the first place.
And I finally did take that responsibility, by cutting off contact. Now he can go on with his life and so can I.
>maybey you shouldn't be nice to people you don't like
Well, uh, I can't exactly be like "I DON'T LIKE YOU GET AWAY FROM ME". Do you say that to people you don't like? Of course not, you'd be an asshole if you did.
And I donno man, yeah I was polite to his face, but I don't consider ignoring someones phone calls as being "nice" exactly. I was being quite assholeish in truth, and that's why this was so awkward, because I was already being passive aggressively assholey and then had to be outright assholey go make him go away.
Anyways, it's over with, he'll leave me alone, it's good.
In situations like these where the guy just doesn't get the hint, you might have to cut off his dick. Slice him apart. And here is where life gets tricky. The problem with being a girl is that you have to sift though all the losers to find the guy you click with. And that tends to vary, but it's usually a guy who will respect your space no matter what. Guys who cling to women don't respect themselves, nor do they respect anyone else.
I like someone very much. But I knew I wasn't her type. So I told her that I liked her, she rejected me, I moved on. I still like her, but I don't stalk her. If she wants to hang out, fine, if she doesn't, fine. That is how most men handle that situation. Because if you can't take rejection, or can't be rejected, how do you learn? It's the bitches of society that make boys into men.
You may not want to do it, but you have no choice. It's like failing a student to get them to wake up. You have to destroy his self-esteem so much so that he leaves you alone for good.
>You have to destroy his self-esteem so much so that he leaves you alone for good.
I can more than understand that, thing I don't understand is kicking someone when they've already eaten dirt.
I've been crushed repeatedly, been rejected by every women I've ever approached. So at age 26 I figured I just wasn't cut out for this kind of stuff, so I should just cut my losses and focus on my career
but apparently giving up on women is also repugnant to people, my friends and family never let me hear the end of this
I'm a loser if I do and I'm a loser if I don't
what do you people want from me?
>>10
You've probably got timing issues. Like coming on too strong, too soon.
People want you to be happy, they just think you won't be happy single. If you were a truly hopeless case who had no chance of ever pairing up, when you said you didn't want to date your family and friends would have said: fair enough.
>>9 made me laugh.
OP: I probably didn't understand the entire situation. I just thought that if you gave any guy strong enough signals, they would get the idea after the third or so missed call. Anyway, that's what lead me to believe that you had given him some positive signals (and hence it would've been "out of the blue" to bring it up if you had). But it sounds like he was just incredibly thick, or had a big ego, and read too much into your politeness. Anyway, glad to hear you got that sorted, now you can both move on with your lives.
>>10, >>11 is right. The trick is to appear not so interested in women. Don't try so hard to impress a woman, or chase after them, because we can smell it from a mile away. Desperateness lingers around you like a huge neon light sign. Relaxed body language, confident but not cocky, and appearing slightly unavailable (not looking for a romantic relationship), lures women in. Take the "if it happens, it happens" outlook.
Another thing is that you have already met the girl for you, whether you are aware of it or not. The hard part is having the balls to ask her out. You say you've been rejected several times, but did you honestly try your best? If you try your best at anything honestly, you have nothing to be sad about. As long as you don't surrender, something will happen. Learn from your failures. Why did those girls reject you?
>Another thing is that you have already met the girl for you, whether you are aware of it or not.
I don't know where you are going with this, is this some tripe about destiny or something? If thats the case well....thats just stupid.
you seem to think that not being able to find a significant other is my problem right now, no I'm way past that at this point
my problem right now is getting the people around me to accept my lifestyle choice, I'm celibate and I'll take that celibacy to my grave, whats so wrong about that?
do they honestly think that the entirety of my happiness relies solely on me being able to find a girl?
if so then I'm insulted, I may get a little bit bummed out from time to time but I don't suddenly lose all fulfillment in life,
thats just silly.
>>15
Ironically, you don't sound too happy to be a celibate. It doesn't seem like a lifestyle choice, but rather something you resigned yourself to because you think finding a mate is impossible. Obviously happiness can be found in different avenues- whether it be chasing your dreams, focusing on self improvement, whatever. But finding someone to share that happiness with, just makes it all the more significant.
>>16
of course I'm not too happy with it, in the same way someone entering the workforce isn't too happy working 9 to 5, its something you get used to.
Just because I'm not happy with something specific doesn't mean I'm not happy at all.
>It doesn't seem like a lifestyle choice
how is it not a choice? I choose not to do something that's pointless, just because you don't agree with my choice doesn't make it any less of a choice.
I culled away from my life a sisyphean routine which has tormented me throughout my adulthood, thats my lifestyle choice.
>But finding someone to share that happiness with, just makes it all the more significant.
that sounds like a load of garbage to me,
sorry for being rude, but you honestly can't use that as a some sort of selling point to me, I can't imagine how having a significant other would make my goals in life more fulfilling, heck at this point I can't imagine being in love being a good thing at all.
I'm sure you might have experienced the more savory aspects of love and romance at some point in your life,
but the only thing I can relate love with is pain ,sadness and frustration because those are the only things it has ever given me. This may be very difficult for you to understand but when the only thing you've gotten from love is anguish you start seeing the whole seeking a significant other deal as less of something you want to do and more of something you burdened to do because that's what society expects you to do.
of course I eventually wised up and said "screw that"
>> how is it not a choice?
I'm merely commenting on the fact that you don't seem to have willingly gone down that path. It seems like you've just resigned yourself to it, and if you had it any other way you would want a girl. You say so yourself, "it's something you get used to".
>> I can't imagine how having a significant other would make my goals in life more fulfilling, heck at this point I can't imagine being in love being a good thing at all.
I suppose you can't miss something you never had. But surely, at your age, don't you think about having children, or having people that need you, or miss you when you're gone? If your parents are encouraging you to find a mate, it doesn't mean that they think you're not happy, but maybe they want you to experience what they experienced in having you.
But whatever, as long as deep down, you're happy. You seem too sold on your beliefs, and I can hardly understand you enough to change them.
you need to get laid brospeh have you thought of hiring prostitute?