It's been couple years since I started living on my own and studying. Since puberty my relationship with my parents has grown worse every day, it's not that we hate each other. They really care for me, help paying bills, ask me to come over on holidays, call me to ask how Im doing. But I, whenever Im home I rarely talk to my parents, every time when I come home dad happily asks how Im doing, I usually just walk in my old room and shut door behind me. I never get around to talk with him, for some reason it's so damn hard to talk with him about anything. I dont think I've said "I love you" to my parents since I was kid....I know that they wont be around forever but it's just so hard for me. I dont know why but I just cant be honest or open to my parents, It really hurts.

Last time my dad called me was two weeks ago, seems like my parents start to call less often because I don't seem to be that talkative. That last phonecall woke me up on some level about what I've become. Dad really tried his best to make something to talk about, my grades, life etc. He was commenting on my studies how I did so good even though he had no idea of what my grades meant. When he asked how I was doing I bluntly answered "pretty good" even though Im suffering from depression and I am very stressed of my studies. Most of his questions just got silence or grunts or single words as responses. After he said "sounds like it's busy, take care there, bye" and closed phone, I cried. Why am I acting like this, I just cannot force myself to be open or nice to my parents or my siblings, it's easier to stay at my apartment and hide away. I know I will regret eventually if I dont fix my relationship with my family...I just dont have strenght or courage for it....
I really dont know what to do...

Just write all of your thoughts and feelings in a letter and mail it to them or leave it somewhere they'll be able to get it without interference.

Just tell them. Sure, it might be "out of character" for you to do so, and some might be surprised. But if you don't wanna be the guys you are right now, just change yourself!

Tell them straight up how much you love them and apologize for everything up until now, I bet they'll be relived to.

I had the same problem (still do?).
I wouldn't want to imply that my situation is similar and give you advice based on that, I'll just say I regret not seeing a therapist.

If it's being hard to communicate, you could simply start by going to your parents' place and saying something simple. They'll probably understand if you start with some "I'm not okay" and let them lead you on.

Nevertheless, you definitely must seek a therapist and a psychiatrist. One will help you cope with the situation and make it better, the other will give you a better start to do so through medication, also keeping you from having these downs.

Just remember, it's no really yourself thinking of making mistakes, it's a part of yourself that's out of touch with reality. Ask for help, there's absolutely no shame in doing so when you need it. Even if you don't want to do it, do it for your parents who wish to see you better.

You'll find the strength to recover, you just need to take your first step.

Thanks, I'll try to muster up some courage to approach my parents about this...somehow. As for professional help, Im currently seeing psykotheraupist and psychologist because of my depressiong, I guess it wouldnt hurt to talk them about this issue as well...

I totally agree with >>5. I find it hard to express my feelings to my parents as well, I don't think I've said "I love you" in years, if ever, in fact. But I find different ways to let them know that I care. Like bringing over home-made lunch, helping them out with any problems they're having, making sure they're taking care of their health. We have our arguments, but I know that they'd do anything for me, and I would do the same. When I was a real down point last year concerning uni, they were a couple of the very few people I could rely on. Basically, I broke the ice by saying "I'm having a really hard time.." and their support and encouragement went on from there.

Just leave them a crack in your hard shell. It's not as hard as you think. After you get through it together, it wouldn't hurt to be mutually interested in how their business is going either.