Even with my close friends, I don't really have anything to talk about. This only happens when I'm with group of people. 1 on 1, I'm pretty good of a conversationalist. Like in a group, people kid around, laugh and make jokes. I just can't do it. Whenever I try to meet new people in a group, they don't seem to even like me because I don't talk. I just don't know what to talk about. Please help me. What should I do? Communication has been one of my bad problems.
"How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds Or Less". Essentially gaining more E-ness, for I's.
You can probably find a pdf on 4shared.
What else? People just don't want to talk to me. I mean I'm good looking
I'm quiet as well. I want to be close to people but I don't really give a fuck about the things that interests them. And I hate to say it, but I've given up on even caring if anyone cares. If they laugh I keep joking, if they pay attention I keep talking. No one's told me to shut up and as far as I can tell I'm getting on well with them.
You probably relish the times they talk so you can give enthusiastic "yups" and "uh-huhs", wanting to poke and probe for more but unable how to phrase it. Share your interests in a way that makes them want to get involved. Failing that, make observations or discuss feelings. Failing that as well, start with joking until you hit on something you think they can elaborate on, then exploit that chance.
It's easy to step outside yourself in a group because the collective mentality rarely begs focus on the individual, instead favoring a sharing/distribution across multiple minds. It's easy to toss out comments and witticisms because there is no one psyche you are tailoring the conversation towards. You feel uncomfortable one-on-one because all stimulation/interaction is transferred along a single line, directly to the person in question. It puts pressure on you to give them what they want and you become silent, not wanting to say or do something that could theoretically destroy all interest they ever had in you.
This isn't good. It's self-defeating. You can entertain or sympathize or whatever, and if you want a connection then you can't keep retreating inward. Maybe not everyone you meet will enjoy your style. But you must go all-in and get a feel for the person. What personality you find, the more you interact with it, will continue expanding to your perception, so that it will seem a group all its own, thus giving you ample platform and confidence to perform as you would among multiple people. You'll see soon enough that to know one person is to know many.
Well, I hope this helps.
Alright, social skills 101. First of all, learn about all sorts of things, preferably things that the average person would know about (such as the latest movies, music, etc.). Having stuff in common is the best way to get close to someone.
Don't be afraid to talk about stupid shit, like the weather. Small talk is important! Most people feel uneasy talking about anything that's not stupid shit with people they don't really know. Eventually they'll warm up to you, and you can start breaking away from the pointless stuff.
Have a good attitude! People like friendliness. This should be common sense.
Make a good first impression! If they have a positive image of you, then unconsciously, their imagination will fill in what they don't know with positive things. You can make a good first impression by being as agreeable as possible (i.e. being just like them). Don't disagree with people; there's really no point. They won't change their mind about whatever it is, and even if they do, they'll probably dislike you for it. Remember, you intention is not to teach, but to establish a good rapport. You can have meaningful conversations later, once you've gotten at least that much.
You should have two categories of people you're friendly with: People you actually like, and people you pretend to like to get something from them. People are your greatest resource! It sounds bad, and I hate it too, but it's necessary to gain a lot of connections if you want to get anywhere in life. It's how all those lazy douchebags become your bosses, you know.
I'm the exact opposite of you, OP. I am very friendly, funny, and sociable in small groups of people. It's when I get one-on-one with people that I don't know what to say.
One friend of mine had a crush on me, because most of the time we hung out, there were other people around, so I was able to be fun and enjoyable company. However, I invited her to my house to watch a movie, and it was one-on-one... we ended up sitting on opposite sides of my loveseat, and neither of us really said much. I just couldn't really think of anything to say.
That's why I prefer to hang out with people in groups, because admittedly, I'm a boring person one-on-one.
I think I'm sort of similar. I can usually hold conversations one-on-one with someone who's willing to share their interests. However, in groups I'm usually lost.
I don't have any weird musical tastes, so when people go on about some new indie band or how terrible lady gaga is, I never have anything to add; I just don't care that much, I guess. Same for movies or other pop-culture things. I suppose I'm just kind of boring in those respects.
I usually try to seek out someone who is similarly quiet and removed from the conversation of the group and position myself near enough to start a conversation with them.
I recall one time where the group had taken a huge tangent down sexuality and women's rights--it was really weird, this girl seemed to be arguing against women's rights, whatever--I took that chance to engage the other quiet guy. I forget exactly what I said, some simple introduction and an idle comment about citylife. Next thing you know we're talking about how shitty the US rail system is and how we think they should improve it. I left that party really happy about that conversation.
So, to distill that:
Yeah I also have this problem. It seems most people are into normal stuff like popular radio music and sports. It becomes hard to make convo with the majority of people when they're not interested in what I like and I can't talk about what they like. I hate that "yep" and then silence routine.
Another problem I have is I find it hard to look into peoples eyes when talking to them, I usually just look at their mouth or behind them. Probably looking like I have a lazy eye.