Yeah, I said "boyfriend."
Disclaimer: He's long distance.
It all started as a stupid little "Oh, she's cute lemme message her and tell her that." Then, we actually started talking, he got to know me a bit and he fell for me. Asked me if we lived close if I'd be his girlfriend and doing all these adorable things. Not very long after that, A girl adds me on facebook, starting to talk endlessly about him. I question this, she tells me that they're in love and all this shit. We both get on him, he freaks out, apologizes to both of us, acts like we are two girls he couldn't let go of. He was telling us all of the same things, telling both os us that he loves us. How many other girls are going to be like that? I'm almost scared to talk to any of his friends that are girls. I'm deathy afraid to talk to any of his guy friends because, well, if they don't know anything about my existance, I won't be very happy.. Apparently girls were his fix for a depression thing, which I thought just to be an excuse to be a whore, but he does have medications. We talked, I gave him up, he dated the other girl and "thought he had made a mistake".
This girl came to see him a lot, apparently she wasn't very mature, and whenever they kissed or hugged or anything, He'd think about me. Mind you, this was back in August maybe. It's now December and he and I have been actually dating for a little over a month. We've never met, but we're planning on it. He tells me he loves me, I'm beautiful, I'm the greatest and most fantastic girl he's ever seen, we talk almost daily, etc. Then, I go back on the site that we met on, hadn't been on in a while and just snooping around. I see him every where, being flirtatious as hell. Girls know his whole name, apparently all of his screen names, he's calling them sexy right and left. He won't tell some of his friends about me, he's too worried what they will think. He kept me a secret from his parents for a while actually. I can't tell a girl to stop flirting with him because he'll be dissapointed or he'll say "Trust me this is something I need to take care of okay?" and then I'll never know if it happened or not. He says, he'll be back online after an hour or after he takes a shower, or he says "in a bit!" apparently, in a bit is like, 12 hours, says he'll call me, but his phone is off for days at a time. He's got such a sweet face, loving personality, whole nine yard in that aspect. We talk about everything, if I bring something up that bugs me, we'll sit there and talk about it. About that though, he'll repeat things, Constantly, mixing it up every time though. Sometimes he'll say he hasn't kissed anyone or anything since a few months before we met, then he'll tell me the story of him kissing the girl from the previous issue and thinking of me. Telling me that I've "won". I understand he has a life, friends, all of that. Some of the friends are just fliratious in general and he's only messing around, but tell me, does this sound like an okay basis for a relationship? I don't want to drag myself into anything that isn't going to happen. I really don't want to turn into a damn stalker girlfriend, you know? I just want answers. I'm jealous, pretty over protective. I can't even look at another guy romantically without thinking "But it's not him..." Half of me feels like I've made the shittiest mistake, and the other half really wants to make everything work. Kindof analyze this please, give me some answers if you can.
Also, sorry for the wall of text. .___.
>does this sound like an okay basis for a relationship?
No.
I once had a girlfriend who was like your boyfriend. And, actually, I was in just the same situation, what with lurking the sites she frequented and seeing how ridiculously cuddly-wuddly she got with everyone else. There were e-kisses, e-hugs, e-penis grabbings. I wanted to believe she was just joking profusely, but couldn't ever shake the knowledge that she had to be constantly imagining this stuff to want to say it so often. Well, I let it slide.
We first talked online but happened to live only a few miles from each other, so physical advancements happened fast. And, oh, did she advance. First time she comes over I practically get molested she's so promiscuous. Second time she comes over we end up fucking. Third time, well, I'm convinced she isn't interested in anything but sex.
That's just one aspect, however. She had a lot of little irritating habits, like always fucking texting. I'd have my arms around her as that goddamn phone went off, watching with growing resentment as she says more to these e-people than she'd ever said to me. She liked to talk about her past boyfriends as if she were sorry she wasn't still dating them. She ditched me for parties. We broke up a million times. Eventually she fell for another dude she met online while we were still dating. I gave her a "fuck this, I'm done", but keep getting used anyway like I'm convenient for living so close. In our most heated arguments she "reveals" that she'd always been thinking of him whenever we became intimate.
"Call you back in two/five minutes" translated to "in a few hours/never".
She was on medication too. Evidently boys were her fix and she'd been through many before me and, as I come to find nowadays, many more after.
Look, I'm not exactly trying to bring down your affair with this guy. You probably thought "he's not like that at all!" which is perfectly fine and maybe everything I said was entirely unnecessary. I'm pointing out that, like you, I was treated as expendable. I mean, if he wanted to talk to you all the time he would be doing so, either on the phone or through some messenger. No young adult these days is really so busy that they can't shoot even a few texts around within the hour. If he really wanted "just you" he wouldn't be letting his desires go wild as he hooks every gal he thinks has a nice face. And as you know, being a girl, you don't call a girl cute/sexy without flattery. If you don't feel like he's being sincere, then he isn't. It's up to him to reassure you and comfort you and the fact that you were so bothered as to give us this speaks multitudes about his behavior.
TL;DR: I don't think you'll be happy with him. He sounds immature and impulsive.
>loving personality
So, he's keeping you a secret from friends and family, cutting off contact for days at a time, making excuses for flirting with other girls, and calling some of these other girls sexy behind your back? Doesn't sound like he has such a great personality to me. Honestly, the way you describe him makes him sound rather inconsiderate, and a mental condition is no excuse for abusing a partner in a relationship. If his problems are such that he can't maintain a healthy relationship, then he shouldn't be in one and needs to get help for his own problems.
Your "boyfriend" is clearly unable to get the emotional satisfaction he needs just from you (or any other single person). Depressed people are often unable to get the normal amount of enjoyment out of things (such as social relationships), and he tries to compensate for this by increasing the quantity of relationships he has.
So in his attempt to be happy he maintains contact with many girls. And he probably makes all of them think they are special, because it is an easy way to make sure these girls remain interested in him and fulfill his emotional needs. He is very good at sweet talking and appearing interested, and although he might care about you, it is primarily a means to keep you interested in him. Words are cheap and easy, but his actions betray how much he really cares about your well-being.
It is unlikely that he will change any time soon and it is more unfortunate for him than for you. But you deserve someone better, someone who can properly balance his own needs with yours.
>actually dating for a little over a month. We've never met, but we're planning on it.
Unless meeting each other frequently (at least twice a week) becomes a reality soon, I would break it off.