I really don't know where to go in life. I've been depressed for around 6 years, and I don't see it getting any better.
For the most part, I could deal with the loneliness, but I've been involved in a relationship, and I'm just honestly not sure what to do anymore.
I feel isolated, and mentally alone from everyone around me. I don't have any friends, and the only person I talk to on a daily basis is my long distance internet partner. That's been going to shit as well, and only builds my paranoia and hatred for myself.
I think suicide might be a possibility, because I feel that I can't go back to normal. Feeling like this has become the norm for me. It's hard to get excited or mad, or feel anything strongly.
Since I'm such a shut in and loser, if this relationship fails, I don't think I can get a new one. I'm honestly stuck right now, and I don't see many possibilities other than suicide.
You shouldn't depend on relationships for your happiness, but I suppose that is hard to do when you don't really have any other friends. Have you considered seeking professional help? People often dismiss it but sometimes it does help, and it's better than nothing at the very least.
What do you fantasize about when you are alone?
>>2
Not very good things. Either I think about the anime/video game I watched or played, or killing people.
My relationship isn't that great anyways. It's been a long time internet thing, and they're supposed to come down soon, but I just have a gut feeling they're lying, and going to do something to screw me over.
I would like to have a relationship with this person, but that could be me just being desperate.
I think you may want to reconsider your position. Try going out more possibly, take am elective class or two at a local college, maybe it will lead into a hobby or something. That's how I got out of my rut anyways. I hope things work better though for you.
Here's the thing, you need to actually do something about the problem. These things never fix themselves, and you will die if you expect them to.
Go outside, even if you have no destination. Talk to people, even if you suck at relating to them. Worst case scenario, they don't like you. Whatever. Move on. The consequences of letting yourself being defeated by your fear of failure are far worse than the failure itself.
The things we dread the most are never as bad as we imagine.
i was like you at one point, while i don't think anyone ever really completely gets over depression/anxiety/etc it is possible to move it away from the central point of your life. Seeking professional help along with medication helped me out a lot, if you see no point in it than just think of it as at least one person who will actually listen to you and offer you real advice as opposed to superficial crap. The big thing that i and i'm sure lots of people have trouble with is leaving your room, going outside and interacting with other people. I hated most people (and still kinda do a bit) and thought they were all just created to make me miserable but even just going to a gas station at the same time everyday to pick up a soda i got well acquainted with the cashier who works that shift and even though i wouldn't call us friends it is just kind of nice to walk somewhere and just shoot the shit and feel normal(ish). Its all about baby steps.
TLDR; if you get help from someone who isnt a friend/family member and go outside more the depression/etc can get better, not sunshine and rainbows better but at least it'll keep you from walking into oncoming traffic
If it had been say, the early 1900's then I would think they're pretty cool and I would have loved to hang out with em' but now. Now they drink, drink, and drink some more and complain about how white man stole their land. its like fuck man, I wasn't around when that happened and I sure as hell wouldn't have tried taking your land if I had been, so don't go bitching about it to me. plus they get huge royalty checks for what the white man did to them and they spend it on even more booze.