Is it normal for ISTJs not to have friends? (4)

1 Name: ISTJ : 2011-05-30 09:19 ID:Jfk++Cya

I'm 21 years old and an ISTJ. I had a buddy. I won't call this person a friend, he was more of a person I hung out with. He was pretty much the only person I hung out with for 2 years. I knew he was a loner and he knew I was a loner. One day I got pretty sick of his selfish/rude attitude and basically told him to fuck off.

At the moment I don't have anyone to hang out with, nor any close friends but I don't feel particularly bad about it either. My main goals involve being academically successful in life and securing a good job with a decent salary. Bodybuilding is second to that, and getting a girlfriend comes third.

If you don't have any friends, how do you cope with it, and if you do, what would you advise to people like me?

2 Name: Anonymous : 2011-05-30 09:56 ID:PhUTpNFR

21 year old INTP/J here. Mostly I'm too preoccupied to care about people. They're just not important or interesting to me. Meaningful, yes - everyone matters in their own right, which is a thing I emphasize with in their company. However, given the choice I would be completely isolated from all extraneous communication I do not choose to entertain.

There exists no need nor reason (for me) to cope with such a circumstance, for it is not a burdening condition. I suppose you feel a bit of the same. My ``advice'' to you in this respect would be simply to continue pursuing the interests and activities you enjoy.

Why should a self-fulfilling person really require persistent personal connections outside the bare minimum of scholarly and work-related contacts? Do you experience a disconcerting tinge when contrasting yourself with obnoxious social stereotypes? Do you not wish to develop a tendency towards dominant, antisocial behavior?

3 Name: ISTJ : 2011-05-30 10:32 ID:Jfk++Cya

Hi, thanks for replying.

I do feel the same way as you, and I'd have to agree with your advice.

I guess I feel uncomfortable when I imagine myself having no friends when I'm older because it's not considered normal by society's standards, and my future girlfriend/wife would think negatively of me because I have no friends.

I do feel like I'm becoming more antisocial every day. I don't want to make that a part of my personality though.

4 Name: Anonymous : 2011-05-31 02:38 ID:PhUTpNFR

There are many women who will understand your social aversion, even wholeheartedly embrace it. They will appreciate that you are low-key, unpretentious, confident and driven, while enjoying the attentions received when you emerge from the call of duty, glad to be chosen over passive friendships and drinking buddies with whom other men might indulge. And if they have any relations to speak of (which, trust me, most women do), consider it a sign of trust when you are asked to meet them.

Granted, I myself never dated a ``normal'' girl, but of whom I've dated and of all the people I've talked to it would appear that the lone ranger personality is highly desired.

If you don't like that trait, don't accept it. You also might be feeling the force of work pulling you steadily inward for periods at a stretch, requiring more focus than most other things going on at the moment. Or it could be stress.

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