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I guess I'm more venting than seeking advice since I'm a stubborn bitch, but...
For four years I've struggled with eating disorders, starting with anorexia, developing bulimia, then sort of having a cross between the two. I've been in treatment for anorexia and a mood disorder and on and off of SSRIs and SNRIs (currently on anti-anxiety). I wouldn't have sought any help if it weren't for the insistence of my parents who, at the time, I thought were complete assholes. Out of angst, desperation, pathetic self-obsession and selfishness, I've tried suicide twice by taking ~70 Tylenols at 16, and the same amount at 17 on top of every drug in the medicine cabinet. My parents ended up finding out about this from reading my LiveJournal--which was private, for the record, but apparently I need to choose stronger passwords.
Obviously my anger with my mom and dad was really denial and delusion in disguise; if my parents wanted me to suffer, they wouldn't seek interjection from a third party. My treatment has been unsuccessful so far, probably because I'm not committed enough, but also because I've been away from home for school and cannot be watched over or babied any longer.
At 16, I discovered an online webcam chatroom for teens, and was approached by a man who offered to generously compensate me for "play time". Later I found out that play time equated to masturbation shows featuring sex toys he sent me in the mail--something I confessed to my LiveJournal account. He bought me clothes, shoes, jewelry, makeup, lingerie...again, this information was exposed to my parents through their cracking of my password.
Through all of this, my dad has been struggling with his own depression, and my mom with her anger issues stemming from her stressful job. They've been devoting their time to help a selfish, hopeless, ungrateful brat recover from something that's hardly a sickness and completely self-induced. They've managed to maintain a strong relationship throughout it all. Or this is what I truly believed until a couple days ago, when I found out about my dad's unfaithfulness to my mom.
As I said, I'd been away at school for a while, so this news of dad's betrayal was quite a shock to me. I still wonder if I should have picked up on it, though. While I was away at school getting roofied and raped by a club owner (an incident I chose not to report to LiveJournal), it turns out my dad and a (much, much) younger coworker had a fling, and my dad, out of fear that my mom would hear it from someone else, told her. This was earlier in the year, and was a huge rift in their relationship until the younger bitch moved away.
...But now she's back, working at the same place as my dad. And my mom is angry--furious enough to yell at my father and engage him in a name-calling match hateful enough to make my witnessing sister drink herself into oblivion and black out. I wouldn't have known about the stupid affair until their yelling match, and demanded I hear the details after they were through yelling.
And it's now that I've been purging and binging starving cyclically; I can't cope and I can't deal with this. I work 9-hour days with assholes whose comments and lack of tact is enough to make me cry every night. I spend my days off either in bed starving or in the fridge filling my face or over the toilet bowl purging my guts.
I know I'm a stupid cunt but I can't deal with this by myself. I have no friends, I can't trust myself, my parents are fighting, my sister, though wonderful in most ways, is unsympathetic towards my eating disorder. I want to feel happy, but I feel hopeless and irreparable. Apart from work, I don't leave the house because I feel horrible and ugly. I'm in my own personal perpetual hell.
hey, i hope it all works out for you cuz that seems pretty fucked up yo
well,her story is a matter of importance.you know that i know her well.her first impression was nothing serious.she just had a straight hair and a fool atttitude.i can say that she was a imitation punk. she was a inconsistency bitch of her life.
anyway i never care about her.she is still country bitch.she never know...