just need to vent.

i was interested in sexuality and eroticism from an early age. i used to draw erotic drawings/cartoons in grade school and write about 'dirty' things in my diary i kept back then. i was around 11, maybe 10.

my mother discovered my diary and 'stash' and got really concerned that i was interested in sexuality when i hadn't even reached puberty.

i didn't know whether i was 'abnormal' or a 'freak' compared to other kids but my mother made me feel like i was. she even quit her full-time job and worked part-time so that she could 'keep a better eye out on me'.

from then on she caught me surfing porn when i was a bit older, and she also found out i had started jerking off at 13 when she discovered cum-stained dirty pictures i had printed out from the internet. i had 'learnt' how to jerk off from reading a sexual health book from the library, and when i told her that she was so angry that the library didn't 'check their books properly'.

when she lectured me about it, she made me feel that sex was dirty and something shameful, although she did not explicitly scold me or go nuts.

i know it's not her fault (and i should really have been more careful not to get caught) and that she really wanted the best for me, but ever since then i've put a distance between me and her, and i know i'll never ever be able to get as close to her as she would like. the awkwardness and embarassment of having to sit down one on one with her for those pseudo-counselling sessions/sex education lectures has never left me.

That's a familiar situation.

Your mom's just really anal.

Keep on keeping on.

No, you're not dirty at all. It's normal, and I use to feel so guilty about it, like I was a freak or something. I started masturbating and looking at porn when I was about 10 and touched myself earlier then that. We have hyper sexuality, it's not something we can help.