>>2 is actually right, in the sense that you need to stop trying to escape your problems. They will not go away, because they are within yourself.

I think right now your first job should be to finally face your depression and grab it by the horns. Depression is a real condition that can be treated. If you had cancer, it would not help one bit if you skipped the chemotherapy cessions.

You should also get counseling from a social worker, as your financial situation is probably spinning out of control, and that is an issue that can be tackled. Perhaps the psychiatrist and social worker can also help you refocus your activities into something that realistically fits your current capacities. Later, when you're back on your feet, you may want try again your first choice, if it still looks like a good fit for you. You know perfectly well the trainwreck that you are preparing. Stop the morbid fascination with self destruction, that won't make you special, it's all very mundane. Be humble enough to reach for assistance and let other people help you.