For quite some time now, I've been very anti-social.
I have no offline friends, and only 2 friends online. I mean true friends, not the amount of people on my friends list.
I lack ambitions. I have absolutely no hopes for my own future, and there's no jobs I'd like. I still live with my parents and my 3 other siblings, and I'm the oldest child out of them.
But the thing is, I feel perfectly comfortable where I am right now. I don't want to get more social. I don't want to know more people. Talking to people (even online) that I don't know get me very anxious.
I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I often see things I'd like to "become one of", but then I decide that my interest compared to other people often seems pathetic. For example, one of my friends is very dedicated to Touhou, and I wanna group myself as similar to him. But the biggest folder I have (dedicated to my waifu) isn't even 1GB.
What should I be doing? Should I be finding something I genuinely enjoy doing to improve and get better? Or am I just gonna keep doing what I love doing? Browsing the net, eating the same food, talking to the same people?
It's not that I find it boring, it's just I feel like there is something I should be doing.
I also have this kind of inferiority complex. Just making this thread I felt like I was looking like a retard, not being able to group myself with other people. I fear being called out and called names.
But even calling myself names makes me think of what other people would say. "Oh, you're a self-loathing faggot, how special", if I were to call myself a loser like I'm doing right now.
So basically TL;DR: I want to improve and stop thinking so poorly of myself, but I don't feel like it'd be worth it. I want to feel as pathetic as some of the other people who have it worse than me, to feel belonging, but at the same time I also want not to get worse.
Also sorry if my post is a mess. I didn't properly review the post before posting it. I probably contradicted myself twice.
>>1
I doubt you're perfectly comfortable where you are now, otherwise you wouldn't have posted this thread.
>...it's just that I feel like there is something I should be doing.
Well, we certainly won't know what you need to be doing. Go try new things!
Go try out some new things; find something that's interesting to you. Doesn't have to be a hobby you dedicate 5 hours a day to, just something you enjoy doing. Next, try finding people who shares that interest, both online and offline.
Also, get a part-time job. A few hours a week is ok, just something to break the circle you're in without getting in the way of doing what you like.
Once you feel comfortable with these changes, look for what you want to do in the future, and do it. Right away. If you need something--education for example--before you can go about doing it, do that first. If you can't figure anything out, try doing something you think you'd enjoy. For example, I picked up a certain hobby that ended up taking me to the other side of the world for over a year. I found work but didn't end up pursuing a carreer and now back home, looking forward to trying something else. What's important is not what you do, but doing something. Something you like.
Finally; don't plan ahed too much. Find something new, get a few hours of work per week, meet some new people and take it from there. You may find your situation comfortable, but it's important to find something you enjoy doing beyond that. Don't be happy with comfortable; aim for enjoyment.
Op, I just got a part time job and yeah, everyone is nice. It's perfect for just staving off lonliness. I wouldn't be able to do this forever, yeah. Have a plan to get out. In the new year, I'm going on a hobo adventure. Not sure what to do or feel lost? Go travelling.
>it's just I feel like there is something I should be doing.
This is how the typical hero's journey starts. You have a yearning in you for something more, but you don't know what, and how to get it. But the unsatisfactory feeling in one's self is what starts it all. So do feel grateful for having it, it will probably prevent you for spending your whole life as a zombie.
Two points: you need to reframe the issue. This is not about how to "fit in" somewhere, or "feel better" and have a "better opinion" about oneself. This is about you doing things that have meaning to you, or give yourself the means to start doing them. All the rest will come as a side product of you doing that.
Also don't feel self-conscious about what people will say. Of course people will react if you stick your neck out of your shell. Some positively, others negatively. Just learn to give the proper importance to those reactions, which is often very little. You seem to live by the motto: you can't do mistakes if you don't do anything, but non-action is also an action, hardly capable of fulfulling one's life. Rest assured that as long as you are doing nothing, you are doing it wrongly.
As for positive practical advice, your strategy is simple: TRY THINGS. Check out your school, what kind of activities are offered that you could take part in (sports, clubs, library, etc). Same thing outside of school. Check out your library: even in the internet age libraries are a good place to discover things/subjects that you don't know of. They also have billboards advertising activities/shows/etc that you can take part in. If you are a church goer, that's another possibility to find opportunities to socialize and engage yourself. The thing is, force yourself to try something every month, and stick to it for at least 4 weeks. Keep a diary to have a record of the process. You may even want to report back here, if you feel that it helps you. There will always be dickheads and helpful people, so it's a good exercise to thicken your skin and get a fresh perspective on your situation.
http://www.kindaikobo.com/staffblog/?p=239
Please comment.
"For example, one of my friends is very dedicated to Touhou, and I wanna group myself as similar to him. But the biggest folder I have (dedicated to my waifu) isn't even 1GB."
Please explain your thought process behind this.
>>8
Without some readily accessible cache of talents, obsessions or collections he feels wholly worthless. Thus he counts even material possessions among things with which to bolster a sense of achievement, superfluous and ultimately insignificant though they might be.