While I was in school, I always thought I was a super smart special snowflake. It's not hard for people to feel that way, though. Even though I was awful at math, I was full of myself because teachers always complimented me, and I got high scores on state tests. Now I realize that the state tests have extremely low standards. There were lots of other things that led me to believe my fantasy. I ended up dropping out of high school and getting my GED. I don't want to give my life story, just everything that's relevant to my problems.
Now that I'm out of school and I have a job (an unskilled, minimum wage job), I go crazy thinking about how slow I am. The thoughts pile up: I'm slow at math, I couldn't handle school work, I'm not well spoken, I can't learn how to program, etc. It worries the hell out of me, because being smart is the single most important trait for people who want to be happy. Just from an estimate, I'd say I have an IQ of 90, 95 if I'm feeling good about myself.
When I'm in a good mood, I think that I might still have a chance to improve my brain. Maybe intelligence isn't fixed and I have a prayer of not being a loser forever. Even if that were true, I'm too lazy for that anyway. In a bad mood, I think that the world won't ever become any clearer to me than it is now.
Does anyone else worry that they're dumb? It's probably not common on 4-ch. You guys all seem pretty savvy, especially about programming and computers. Anyway, I know that I shouldn't worry about this. Even if I'm naturally slow, I can still lead a normal life. But the worry is what's tearing me apart. When I play a ROM hack of SMW, I think about how I'd be better at this if I weren't so slow. Just the fact that I become stressed from that makes me feel even worse. It's like a feedback loop.
I've always had dreams about having a quick, care-free mind that was able to see everything clearly. Really, my intelligence was, and probably still is, my only source of self-esteem. And now that I'm becoming a grown-up in a grown-up world, I'm losing that too.
I don't know what sort of help you can give me. I don't even know what to do for myself at this point. If there were other people who had similar worries I would feel better. I guess this is pointless other than to rant. Sorry for the long post. I'm open to any wisdom you guys can share. I'd like if anybody who wants to help, or even just make fun of me, would post.
I can relate to this so accurately I can only assume I wrote and submitted this post in my sleep.
I think the problem is how suddenly the "difficulty curve" of education kicks in. I was a smart child because I read books. The stuff they taught 8-year-old me, I already knew. People praised how intelligent I was and consistently told me I would have a good future or whatever. Then in my teenage years things just became difficult. It's not as though calculus was particularly hard, but my brain failed to absorb the information or make use of it effectively.
Eventually I basically gave up and resorted to skipping class and reading books in the library instead. I managed to pass (barely) and got into university. At this point I felt like I was stretching my mental capacities thin, and so I failed the course. It has gotten to be very troublesome. Even basic arithmetic is very difficult for me now, and I have to count out my money in advance before I go and buy anything. I can barely remember what happened an hour ago, so I have to write notes for myself so I don't forget anything important. If I try to read a book, I feel sleepy a few pages in.
You are not alone, OP. Something that I think is worth keeping in mind is that posters on 4-ch have access to Google and Wikipedia and all the time in the world to type their responses. I could make myself sound knowledgeable and argue for/against anything intelligently if I have ten minutes and an Internet connection. However I would be terrible in a "live" conversation, and I suspect many people are this way.
Thanks, >>2. I'm glad somebody understands.
> Even basic arithmetic is very difficult for me now
This is one of my biggest problems, and one of the things I really wish I could improve on. I've noticed how things people see as basic math are completely inaccessible to me. For example, I don't know my multiplication tables by memory.
Writing notes and bothering to calculate things before you go out to buy something is really tenacious behavior. You managed to pass high school and get into University, too. You might just have had bad study habits or some other problem with school.
> Eventually I basically gave up and resorted to skipping class
This was where I fell. My high school was an academy where kids got to take classes at the college (this definitely didn't help with my special snowflake disorder). The pressure from the math and chemistry classes piled up on me, and it stopped feeling like I was learning. It was a constant worry about a deadline. Yet the people around me managed perfectly, always seeming happy and productive. I started ditching classes and staying in bed all day, because I didn't want to think about the future.
> Something that I think is worth keeping in mind is that posters on 4-ch have access to Google and Wikipedia and all the time in the world to type their responses.
I've considered that, but look at the programming board. It takes some mental capacity to be comfortable enough with programming to solve problems with it. That and most of the posters here at least say they're university students.
> I could make myself sound knowledgeable and argue for/against anything intelligently if I have ten minutes and an Internet connection.
Isn't that what most college students do for their papers anyway?
Again, thank you for your response. Not to seem weird, but the community here at 4-ch always made me feel comfortable. Not being very intelligent made me worry that I might not even belong here, but I guess the important thing around here is to stay on topic and make your posts easy to read.
I am in a university and i notice all the time that there are people who pick things up in class quickly and those that do it more slowly. But the main key is that everyone picks it up, and can understand it if they apply the time that is required for them .
Everyone learns at a different pace, so don't give up OP. Just take things at a slower pace if that helps. Don't beat yourself up, just because you learn things more slowly it is fine.
I know how you feel about staying in and being afraid of the future. I get into cyclical thinking quite often, where i begin to pile up all my failures and mistakes on top of each other and i panic and think i will never succeed. BUT when that happens, i try to clear my mind by taking a shower, going for a walk, or watching some tv and I can re-evaluate everything i felt, and i realize if i tackle one thing at a time it is manageable.
So don't give up. Take things slow and one at a time.
From what I've read, the ability to cope with the sorts of problems I faced--worries about the future, social anxiety--correlates with IQ. No activity I've tried yet helps me see my problems clearly. The best I can seem to do is distract myself. The slow learners in your University probably have a good capacity for handling stress, too.
> So don't give up. Take things slow and one at a time.
Thank you. It's hard for me to change my thoughts, to think as positively as you do in your post, but maybe a concerted effort to do so would help with the challenges I have to face.
I'm in a situation where I can't just be a dumb NEET, so I'll end up having to push myself. By some miracle, I have a fiancee. I have to do everything in my power to make sure I can provide for her. That's where the real pain is. No matter how much I like this woman, I know that there are other men so much more able and gifted than me who could make her happy.
Sometimes I wish I could give up, but I know I'll be much worse off if I do.
I understand it is hard to change your thoughts, It is hard to feel like you've accomplished something. One thing that helps me though, is when i look back on my day and i tally up all the things I did. Looking at all the things I did no matter how big or how small, lets me realize that I was able to do something!
Also, your fiance wouldn't have said yes, if she didn't want to be with you. Forget about all the other guys out there. She doesn't want them she wants you. You need to be the best that you can be, and it will be enough if you give it your all.
Everyone knows there is always someone better than them out there, you can't live your life thinking you won't be chosen because there are better people out there. You will, by someone who wants you for who you are.
I do get insecure about my intelligence sometimes. I reassure myself by remembering what I practice, what I'm good at, and my experience, and then I realize how badly other people would handle it compared to me.
Most of the time, intelligence isn't an absolute value. So, remember what you're good at and stick with it.
You need to start seeing intelligence as "this is what I've adapted and gotten used to" instead of "why can't I solve multiple math problems in my head simultaneously?" University isn't terribly hard, most of the effort comes from trying to manage your time well.
That's really about it. I see programming as a theme here, so all you need to do is just practice and get yourself used to it daily and read people's writings online. Start as slowly as you need to - one could learn any language if he merely sees one word a day.
Just chill out and remember, being "dumb" isn't terribly bad. Get yourself to admit it, move on, and do things better than other people. What's the point of getting flustered when there are truly dumb people who never get insecure?
>>5
Coping with problems has nothing to do with IQ. IQ doesn't even really have anything to do with IQ.
> IQ doesn't even really have anything to do with IQ.
Isn't that like saying meters don't have anything to do with meters? But I can see your point about coping. A lot of people less able than me are able to be more well adjusted and successful than I am.
> Just chill out and remember, being "dumb" isn't terribly bad. Get yourself to admit it, move on, and do things better than other people. What's the point of getting flustered when there are truly dumb people who never get insecure?
That's one of the most encouraging things I've read all day. Thank you for your response, sincerely.
>>10
IQ as a metric has nothing to do with intelligence quotient as a whole. Basically, it varies, and even then is mostly wildly inaccurate. You don't have to be a wanker with a "160+ IQ" to be a genius, and most certainly not to cope with problems whose solutions or temporary resolutions aren't as straightforward as a mathematical equation. Do whatever makes you happy, whatever fulfils your thirst for life. I enjoy learning. Some people like adventure. Others just want to create works of art. If you want to be smart, then by all means gnash your teeth and apply yourself until you're progressing steadily along. Don't worry about what others think of you -- they're almost always wrong, anyway.
Browsing the internet bugs me because I see all these people making intelligent posts and being academically successful, when some of them are a decade younger than me.
I don't know why the age thing still bothers me, but, "I could always go to college and get a degree," sort of stops working when you're in your twenties and you keep coming across the personal websites of people your age who already have PhDs.
I suppose it's unfair to constantly compare myself to other people (there are always people better than you!) but this really gets to me.