ITT We write to our Japanese Penpal. (17)

1 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4559 18:37 [no]

Dear Toshi,

Do you like anime? Do you like Japan? Is it true that having sex with underage schoolgirls is acceptable? I am a 39 year old accountant and I love Naruto and Azumanga Daioh. Chiyo-chan is the best (and cutest!). By the way, do you prefer your bento box to be blue or pinku (that means pink in your language)? Please write back soon. Sayonara!

Yours truly,
Seymour A. Killian

P.S. Please send me a pair of girl's panties that you bought from a vending machine.

P.P.S. I am not a pervert.

2 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4559 20:30 [no]

Dear Kirihansan;
It is the fact that you tell of many tales of unpermissables. Where the email of such sorts is procured seems to be not known. The email that I own becomes not public. Where the police of the state will certainly be the reading of such マイル is the reality. The family of the vincinity is not what kirihansan and the foreigner is to become. The hope is of you and the dying in the toilet. Money and the company where it is. There is where バカ for the foreign lands sit.

Don't forget. The letter of not going.

3 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4559 20:49 [no]

Dear Ritsuko,

Do you Japanese people really wear hamburgers on your feet?

4 Name: Captain Obvious 1993-09-4559 23:42 [no]

I repeat to you, Hiroshi, that your inquisition is fruitless. Detain me here forever if you will; confine or execute me if you must have a victim to propitiate the illusion you call justice; but I can say no more than I have said already. Everything that I can remember, I have told you with perfect candor. Nothing has been distorted or concealed, and if anything remains vague, it is only because of the dark cloud which has come over my mind - that cloud and the nebulous nature of the horrors which brought it upon me.

Randolph Carter

P.S. Ia! Ia!

5 Name: Captain Obvious : 1993-09-4619 19:57

Dear Shinji,

Today I saw an anime show with a character that was also named Shinji. He was a total pussy. Please tell me you're not like him! Though the way he fapped over his comatose girlfriend was kinda neat. Is that common hospital etiquette in Japan? You really live in an awesome country, you know. How much does piloting a giant robot pay, anyway? And what are the health benefits like?
Also, I was thinking of going to Japan soon. Please tell me when the next Angel is predicted to attack. I really wanna watch!



6 Name: Captain Obvious : 1993-09-4627 22:28

Dear Ken, I am an insecure American.
Is it true that Japanese men have tiny dicks?

7 Name: Captain Obvious : 1993-09-4628 01:44

Dear W.T. Snacks

How's the new job working out for you? You're missed :(


8 Name: Captain Obvious : 1993-09-4628 02:41

Dear Taro,

Please enlighten me about Yoshinoya.


9 Name: Captain Obvious : 1993-09-4628 06:51

Dear Ken Shin

What is life like in Osaka?

Capen Oblius

10 Name: Captain Obvious : 1993-09-4628 07:52

Dear Ayuma

Usually the son would wipe his shoe clean on the grass outside. If he didn't notice until he came in he might get gently harassed about whats' on his shoe, but no one would think too much about it as long as he cleaned himself up.

I hope that helps, and good luck on your exam!
An American Dad

11 Name: Captain Obvious : 1993-09-4631 14:21

Dear Tsuyoshi,

Today I met Mr. Nanashi online. He was VERY rude! If you see him, please tell him off on my behalf.


12 Name: chris : 1993-09-4636 22:53


I need neither my mortgage refinanced nor my penis enlarged. Please don't e-mail me anymore.


13 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4657 12:46

Dear Yuko-rin,

what food supplement do you use to make your farts smell of delicious vanilla? Do you know a seller who would consider shipping it overseas?

Flatulent in Florida.

14 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4657 13:15

Dear Mogura,

I love you and miss you terribly.

Come back soon!

15 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4657 16:33

To Mr. Goro Akayama;

Hello, my name is Greg Blackenship. My grandfather, a Corporal Benedict Herbert Blackenship, was captured and served timed in a Japanese prisoner of war camp you served in as a guard until 1942 until the end of the war. My grandfather, who passed away very recently, remembered until his dying days the time he spent as a prisoner of the Imperial Army and you, specifically, Mr. Akayama. The tales of being bashed in the back of the head with your rifle butt for not shoveling gravel fast enough is of a particular sore spot with me seeing as this caused him problems with his vision for years after.

To be brief and to the point, I'm requesting that you please return the gold fillings and his teeth that you pulled from his mouth. I would like to honor my grandfather with a proper burial by committing him to the ground "complete" in a manner of speaking. Of course, how can you say a man is complete when he spent years in a Gook Hell and every day after suffered blurry vision, chronic headaches, and nightmares of being anally raped while being forced to say "Long Live the Emperor!"?

Your expeditious response of this matter will be greatly appreciated.


Greg Blackenship

16 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4657 18:31

Dear Ryu,

Attack me if you dare, I will crush you.


17 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-4657 19:07

Dear Jun,

Are they really anatomically correct? I've been wondering about that for a long time, and I figured that you'd be able to set me straight.


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