The rules are simple: plot the demise of the next poster. Then whoever posts must think up a way out of it and plot the demise of the next poster. And so on.

Ah-ha! Now that >>2 is in that barrel rushing towards Niagra Falls, I can take over the world without his continual interference!

I escape by eating a bunch of meat and becoming fat enough to break the barrel and swim to safety.

>>3, who coordinated the barrel attack with >>1, will commit ritual suicide because of his failure to kill me.

Luckily, I was talked out of it at the last minute by the good people at 1-800-DONT-CUT!

>>4, as soon as I flip this switch, you'll drop into my pit of deadly vipers, and I shall be free to release my supervirus onto Earth from my moonbase!

Thank goodness, because at the very last minute your wife, whom I have recently seduced and turned from her evil ways using my rougish good looks and English charm, stabs you from behind and lets me down. We then launch the supervirus missile directly at the sun, set your moonbase nuclear power core to 'self-destruct', and escape to the ISS in your own personal space-yatch. KABLOOWIE!

On the way out, we grab your evil assistant, >>5, who we know was the brains behind the operation, and shove him in an airlock on the space yatch. Now, >>5, I'm going to release the outer hatch, and you'll be blown out into the depths of space!

But fortunately, I was sucked in by the Infinite Improbability Drive of another passing space-yacht, and am now living a life of luxury as the President of the Universe's personal boytoy!

Unfortunately my fluffy companion >>6, who is now a bowl of petunias falling through the upper atmosphere of a distant planet, had no such luck.

Fortunately, I'm a very sturdy bowl. And hey, look! Somebody is passing right below me.

Look out below, >>7!

Thanks to my new whale skills, I can swim through air! I think ill call it air... It feels so... airlike..

>>8 should watch out for the gigantic splash I make from landing in the ocean right next to him though.

Luckily a huge green fierce snake bars his way in the nick of time.

However, I will nevertheless carry out my fiendish plan to crack a fart joke so furiously noxious, >>9 will retch so hard his spine will come out through his nose.

But I happen to be a spineless coward so I easily evade the smelly attack.

Due to my rubbery torso I can twist myself into a spiral coil that suddenly releases all its pent-up energy, flinging my body with deadly accuracy and velocity at >>10

I try to avoid >>9, but my sad, pathetic body cannot move in time, and I die.

You see, >>11? This is why we can't have nice things.

Apparently I have no schemes to avoid. Thanks >>10!

This gives me time to work on tying >>12 to the minute hand of the town clocktower, so that as it passes 00:15, and goes round to 00:25, >>12 will slip off, and plummet to his or her death! How do you like that, >>12?

Thankfully, kind rescue workers were able to save at 00:24. That was really close!

However, I am not so kind. I gleefully push >>13 off of the ladder, and to his doom.

Luckily a wagon full of matresses was right below the ladder at the time, and I landed comfortably.

I then whip out my gun and shoot >>14, my life-long enemy.

I fall to the ground, but as you come over to investigate, >>13, I leap up and kick you in the face. The lid of a iron stove makes for a rather good piece of body armor, wouldn't you agree?

Now I have to go back in time and kill >15's mother before he was born, just to be sure he dies! (er, never lives.)

Unfortunately your travelling back in time resulted in the creation of a timeline separate from ours where you suddenly pop into existence in the middle of something else. For us back here though, it just looks like you vanished for good.

Thankfully that inept time traveller's doomsday laboratory contained a death ray, which I shall use to shoot >>16 in the back in a dark alley! (Yes, a gun would've done, but an impractical death ray has that much more flair.)

Too bad, the death ray jammed. That tends to happen with fancy-shmancy "space age" technology.

Fortunately, my trusty old knife has been my best friend for decades, and I am sure it will work quite well for stabbing >>17 here.

Sadly, your decades old knife is hindered by your decades old unskilled use in it, and you miss horribly, falling to your death off a cliff. :(

I've got a good old trained white tiger here to take care of >>18

Despite his commendable nature, your tiger is very old. His teeth have become dull, his claws don't fully extend anymore, and his poor old bladder makes him sleep most of the day. Escaping him is like a very slow walk in the park.

I crush >>19, the poster literally below me, with my enormous buttocks.

Ah, nice kitty. Even the best training is secondary to neurochemistry; a few drops of essential oil of catnip should throw 'em off the trail.

I apply them to >>19.

>>18-21 are banned for posting carelessly

I was on the far edge of the area of effect, and thus escaped with only minor injuries. Seeing as I'm here and everything.

After grinding down MODD's squashed remains and boiling off the water to make a fine powder, I have the perfect agent with which to poison >>22's junk before he has the chance to inject!

Being unable to inject, I decided to eject with my hidden jet pack, and am launched into the air, far away from the insidious >>21.

At the apex of my flight, I spot >>23, and ready my trusty dagger as I prepare to swoop down on my unsuspecting prey.

Fortunately, I'm in to that kind of thing and have built up an immunity to having stuff injected into my junk.

As an unfortunate side effect of sharing so many needles, I also have every STD known to man. I'm currently stalking >>23 zand jump out to rape him/her.

>>22 broke the thread, causing >>24 to get raped and contract HIV, crabs, and syphilis and redirect >>22's attack at >>25

All the flight training in the world can't save you from a well-aimed pistol shot.

>>26, however, doesn't have the luxury of a pistol. He's sealed in my torture chamber, which is empty save for six inches of water on the floor and two hidden speakers blaring K-Fed's new album 24/7.

Luckily, I happen to be deaf, immortal, and in possession of a Rubik's Cube with which I may entertain myself. Eventually the water damage unseals the door of the chamber and I make my escape.

I fear >>27 has died of old age by that point, though.

Though through a freak clerical accident, >>27 was frozen cryogenically, revived several hundred years later when a cure for aging was invented.

A second, also freakish accident caused the canister of liquid nitrogen that >>28 was leaning against to rupture.

Amazingly enough, instead of dying horribly when I was immersed in liquid nitrogen, my body mutated and and I gained the superpowers of enduring and manipulating below-zero temperatures! However, the indescribably painful experience rendered me an insane psychopath. For my first act as a supervillain I tested my powers on >>29.

Unfortunately for >>28, his ability to withstand cold does not actually effect anyone else and so I remain unharmed.

Unlike him, my superpowers are much more deadly. I focus my heat vision on >>29's testicles.

Too bad for >>29.

I slip the charred, AIDS-infested remains of >>29's testicles into >>31's Big Mac.

A horde of vegetarians rush through the store, stealing all the food, including my Big Mac, before I've had a chance to bite into it. I'm pissed off, so I fire a heat-guided missile at >>32, the leader of the vegetarians.

In a touching display of selflessness, one of my loyal cult-like minions lights himself on fire and runs screaming into the parking lot where he dives under >>33's car.

I was inside the mall playing DDR, when my car exploded in a shower of flames and epic destruction.
I use my finely toned wapanese muscles to find >>34 and kick him squarely in the face.