[Storytelling] I forgot something... (101)

1 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5049 03:57

I forgot something when I left for work today. I didn't think it would matter much, and anyway I was halfway there by the time I realized it, so I kept going. Little did I know what would happen! Tomorrow, I definitely will make sure I have...

2 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5049 04:06

...it. The day progressed and I carried on through the misty evening streets on my way home from work when I happened upon a cat. The cat was a filthy brown, such a dirty little thing. The cat was startled by something and ran into an alley. I thought nothing much of this until...

3 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5049 05:39

...The ground below rushed up at him, and he tensed against the crushing impact that...

4 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5049 13:41

... even managed to shift the narrator perspective in mid-sentence. He got on his feet, but froze in terror when he saw ...

5 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5049 13:51

...the protagonist protest against the stylistic quirks of this thread, which threatened to harm a poor little kittycat, as well as his dentures. After smacking into the ground headfirst, First I regained the narrative from the third person frozen in fear. He would be back....

Then I pushed back at the ground which had rushed up to me. Actually, I just tripped over the little cat's friend that had not shown up in the periphery of my sight. But when I took a closer look at this 'friend' I got ...

6 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5049 14:05

...a raging hard-on, as I decided that a cat is fine too. I unzipped my trousers, revealing my 10-inch...

7 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5049 14:34

...cake that I had been keeping safe in case I ever got hungry. I took a bite of the Fancy Hearing Cake, but it immediately gave me indigestion and I...

8 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5049 16:34

...produced such a raving, psychedelic bowel movement that the two cats fled away. That said, I still had to go to work, but with my current condition and especially the condition of my pants, I had no choice to go home for spares. Halfway back, I realized I had forgotten something and I still didn't know what. I also didn't know...

9 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5049 18:37

...how to shot web, even though I swore to Raptor Jesus that i'd nevar 4get after seeing that fucking cat. A crazy man jumped out at me, and I thought this was Doom 3, but he offered to suck my cock. I told him "DO NOT WANT!", since I didn't want to risk our balls touching. He declared "Disregard that, I suck cocks." but the protip was fgsfds. I apologized for getting over 9000 chan memes out of the way, and GTFO out there, deciding the lurk more before I became an hero. I finally reached my Twinkie House at Goofy Time, when...

10 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5049 23:29

...the delusional state of mind I was lifted. My god, I still don't know how the hell I got home in that condition. Well, that, also what the hell...

11 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5049 23:33

... was this Realdoll in the image of the Yaranaika guy (complete with removeable overalls) doing lounging on my couch? I had to admit his facial expression was very seductive, but then I remembered ...

12 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5049 23:47

... that my boyfriend was very uptight about these kind of things (keeping a 10inch cake in my pants was already difficult enough for him to handle.) So I left the doll on the couch and went upstairs to hit the shower. After getting the dirt off my body and feeling a bit more comfortable after all the predicaments of the day, I became more relaxed. When I'm showering, I really get creative, so I started toying with the shower head a little and thats when...

13 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 00:08

... I heard the door open and close, followed shortly by a horrified yell from the living room. I,,,

14 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 00:12

... disregard my apparent inability to properly add ellipses to my narration, and...

15 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 00:29

...also forgot to phrase my narration in the past tense. I ran downstairs, covering my naked genitals with a hand towel, and entered the living room to discover...

16 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 03:42

...a bath towel, despite my desire to cover my naked body with it, I had grown accustomed to the hand towel. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Weeping openly at the sudden social situation that required me to part with the hand towel, I wrapped my pelvis with the bath towel and opened the door to discover...

17 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 04:45

...the "Great Bellini"! He complemented me on my towel, and offered to let me touch him with a stick in exchange for a donation to Egale. I was elated at the opportunity to physically touch Paul Bellini, so despite my seething hatred for all things homosexual, I decided to retrieve my wallet. When I returned to the door with cash in hand...

18 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 05:01

...Paul Bellini was burying his face feverishly in my discarded hand towel. Upon discovering that I had returned, he immediately began to scream and moan in a way that resembled the Max Headroom pirate broadcast of 1987. I stopped him in mid-reference, right around the line "ooooooooh, my files..." and informed him that I secretly obsess over that particular clip on Youtube. Paul Bellini looked dejected, then looked up and said...

19 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 05:39

..."Come with me if you want to live". As odd as this proposal was I decided to go with the Paul Bellini in order to escape what he explained was certain death at the hands of...

20 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 07:37

... a possessed Realdoll. I was just about to complain about the blatant Doctor Who S27E01 ripoff when the ground burst open, and a horrific creature emerged. It vaguely resembled ...

21 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 11:49

...my mom but looked better. The problem of being a woman is that if you want to cover your nakedness, you need both hands. Because of this (necessary) disposition, I was rendered completely defenseless and the creature had an easy time first splattering Bellini under its massive foot and then simply picking me up. Seriously, I...

22 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 15:52

...never thought my wildest dreams would come true in such a way! My incest/monster/size/crush fetish was fulfilled and I got so excited I didn't even notice my gender had switched for some reason. With great trepidation...

23 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 18:15

...I looked up at the monster but it seemed only interested in eating me, and not in the way I had in mind. It seems I had some aftereffects from the halucinogenic morningexercises which i already told you about, but for a minute I had had serious doubts about my gender. Having my round, D-sized breasts pressed against myself by a strong claw convinced me otherwise: I was still a young, stretchy woman (and quite attractive if I may say so myself.) Anyway, the situation looked dire and the monster had already seasoned me with what tasted like cheap chili-sauce, when I was saved by the miracles of modern IT. The monsters cellphone rang...

24 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 20:44

...and...

25 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5050 22:12

...well, it turned out that his friends were totally waiting for him at the snooker table so he had to go ASAP. This was not the end of it though, because he took me along, perhaps as a monsters idea of bringing a snack...

26 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5051 03:59

...however, I wasn't about to let that happen because I BROUGHT MY DINOSAUR, WHO EATS FORCE FIELD DOGS. I'm not sure how they would help, but I was determined to try, because my life depended on it. As time passed my anxiety increased, until...

27 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5051 15:16

...the monster swallowed me, fulfilling my vore fetish. I came, and this immediately gave the creature indigestion. He produced such a raving, psychedelic bowel movement that I shot out his cloaca at Mach 4. I hit the ground and picked myself up; the monster was long gone, having been greatly embarrassed by having an 'accident' in front of his snooker buddies. I used my newly regained freedom to...

28 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5051 16:01

...enter into a deep spiritual trance because I was obviously not in touch with my aura and I needed to get it fixed.

...

29 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5051 16:24

c

30 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5051 19:58

...Aˆζˆζˆζsuddenly Iˆζˆζˆζˆζˆζˆζthatˆζˆζwas only aˆζˆζˆζˆζˆζˆζch was incredibly awesome! I nevˆζˆζˆζˆζˆζˆζˆζˆζˆζˆζnobody couˆζˆζˆζˆζˆζˆζthaˆζˆζˆζnt, but I continued on my way, stopping only to...

31 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5051 23:33

piss in the gutter

32 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5052 20:32

...When I was done I made to close my zipper (its a habit) only to notice once again my nakedness. Far away from my home without anything to cover myself (the abused handtowel seemed like a luxury now) I had no idea what to do but it was around this moment that I felt that, maybe today I would just call in sick for work...

33 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5056 09:07

... but then some asshole bumped my thread, forcing me to continue my wacky hijinks as there was someone coming around the streetcorner and approaching fast. It was ...

34 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5056 11:13

...completely dressed in yellow and green, including gloves and fur hat. He was totally a pirate, the most pirate of them all with five parrots perched on his shoulder. He had two outdated pistols in his sash and three wooden legs, which he carried under his arms since his own legs were just fine...

35 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5056 17:37

..., but plated with wood anyway. He was fearful for my life, despite the loud, tropical colors of his garb, and I seized up with freight when he stopped close by and turned to face me. He spoke, and introduced himself as "Clambeard, Queen of all Pirates". My fear decreased, but my anxiety did not pass. His voice...

36 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5056 22:45

was way too deep for a woman so I was dealing with another creepy crossdresser. Then again, he'd probably leave me alone even though I was stark naked. In fact, (s)he didn't even seem to notice. The parrots, however, were ogling me very suspiciously, especially the leftmost. And then... they started commenting me....oh the shame!
-"Check out that booty there, Paul!"
-"Arrr, Zachary, that be a fine treasure I'd like to polish"
-"Check out that that lush bush there, Paul!"
-"Arr, Zachary, that be a fine landing strip I'd like to crash in"
-"Check out that blush there, Paul!"
-"Arr, Zachary, that be a fine signal of a girl in heat I'd like to do, arrr!!"
However perverted, they were still animals and their expressive ability very limited. It was intriguing in a sense that each of the birds participated in the talking, one after the other, from left to right, and then the leftmost again for the sixth comment.
Now clearly this was problematic because he had been referred to as Zachary at first, and now seemed to impersonate Paul. The birds seemed aware of this inconsistency as well but were unable to trace the problem to their limited intelligence so instead they started bickering to each other.
-"I'm Paul!"
-"No me! you're Zachary!"
-"No you!"
-"No you! I get to bang the broad and you, Zachary, go away"
-"No I'm Paul! I get to rape her round ass!"
Now I was much less impressed with the birds and just appalled. Their quarreling got louder and wilder until it erupted into a feathery fight and they fell to the ground in a flurry. Clambeard was not pleased...

37 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5056 23:03

...that his sixth parrot had died that morning after being caught by two smelly cats, and he explained that he expected something like this to happen. He communicated how he trained half a dozen parrots to rape strangers (an impressive feat considering the difficulty in doing so without penises or arms) and that he was on his way to the local KFC to pawn off his now useless birds of prey. I felt relieved for the recent passing of Paul #3, but tried to outwardly express sincere sympathy. After further discussion, I learned that he was headed to the same KFC I worked at part-time, and where I was headed until I recalled about my still-forgotten...

38 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5056 23:20

... .... .... yeah, there was really something that I was forgetting and I just couldn't remember what it was. But it didn't feel important at the time. All I could worry about was my unfortunate nudity and the hungry eyes it gave any man who walked by me. I parted ways with Clambeard and shirked against the backside of the KFC restaurant for a short rest. Then the stresses of the day overcame me and I dozed off almost immediately. I entered into a deep, restless sleep, while behind me in the kitchen five soft thuds gave away the ending of Zachary's, Zachary's, Paul's, Zachary's and Paul's wannabe sextet quintet. I fell into a deep sleep - deep, oh so deep...

39 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5056 23:50

but not deep enough, because I quickly awoke to a petrified purple stub, a sort of silly little winking mushroom that could talk. the thing didn't provide a name so a supplied one for it: abednego. we chatted for a bit, it was a bore, i feel on the floor and it twisted, yet failed to break. i saw an old bag of cheetoes under the bed and wondered when i had ever eaten that type of snack, i prefer much more mild snacks, like triscuits, or wheat thins. in any case the ceiling fan spun while my mom called for my cat whose name is kitty. am i out of toilet paper I wondered and

40 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 00:22

...came to the conclusion that the Cheeto's bag contained no cheesy goodness, but was merely a convenient hiding place for my LSD stash. Also, that mushroom was actually my penis and my mom calling for my cat was actually my supervisor yelling at me for dozing off, naked, in the customer area of KFC. I decided that continuing this lucid dream was better than waking up to unprecedented embarrassment, so I reached for the Cheeto's and gripped that talking mushroom. After a few minutes passed...

41 Name: Todd Shaftesbury : 1993-09-5057 00:30

...I felt an unwelcomed sensation on my chest. My uncovered appearance seemed to be too much for my supervisor and now he was...

42 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 00:36

...covering my naked body with a woolen blanket, to which I was allergic. His staunchly conservative values regarded nakedness as sinful and evil, and I knew he was going to fire me after this incident and then go home and bone his wife through a hole in the sheets while thinking of my well-sculpted...

43 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 00:58

...nipples which were pointing at him as if to provoke him. Defying my expectations though, he bowed before me and pleaded to hear his request. While I had dozed off, I had heard the lifes of the parrots end, but the last thump had not been Paul's head, but the finger of the butcher. Clearly this was divine intervention. Paul, who had been pursuing naked women all his life, was blinded by fear for three hours, trodding slowly accross the kitchen, searching for Gods way. After all, he had been convinced that finding naked women and then punishing them was Gods command. He had crawed out to God, "Oh, why have you forsaken me!"
But after three hours, light returned to Pauls eyes and God appeared before him.

I dunno, I mean my supervisor is a Jesus-freak as I told you, so his story was a little incoherent but definitely very obedient towards the ways of God, which usually he heard from his pastor but now finally was able to witness for himself (praise the lord.) At any rate, Paul now no longer persecuted naked women, but instead sided with them and wished to spread the word of God among the women and deliver them from their clothes. He was now to go to Greece to work salivation.

But of course a mere lone parrot could not go alone, so could I, who was most worthy of naked women around, please accompany him on his journey? Hoping to get the hell out of there, I quickly agreed, had reverend Paul perched on my shoulder and went off. As I ran, the KFC staff chanting 'Kumbaya' became fainter and fainter....

44 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 03:01

...but I wasn't really that fast and I knew they were just humoring me by singing quieter. As I ran out of breath and slowed to a snails pace, the irony of leaving KFC to go to Greece dawned on me. Is that irony? I think so, or maybe it's just a bad pun on my part.
Anyway, I stopped by home and checked Google Maps for directions, but when it suggested I swim across the Atlantic, I chucked my MacBook out the window, which happened to be closed. Outside, the windows someone cried out in shock and pain...

45 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5057 22:54

...because that just happens when you try out MacOs the first time. I tried to put some clothes on but reverend Paul was adamant: It would not happen. Of course I would not let some horny bird control my life, far from it. Therefore I threw reverend Paul hard against the bedroom wall...

46 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 00:02

... that happened to have a hole in it, which he went straight through. Free of him, I put on a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, clearly not trying to impress anybody today. I sat down for a few moments to relax and reflect on these recent events, when the doorbell rang. It was...

47 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 02:37

...a swarm of of biologically engineered super-moths, which proceeded to devour the clothes I just dressed myself in, which was no big loss because it was laundry day and I hated that shirt. After destroying the clothes on my back and all fabric in my house, they rudely and abruptly left without so much as a thank you for my hospitality. I scavenged what I could in terms of money and supplies and left my house...

48 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 09:51

...and then it dawned to me what I had forgotten...

49 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 14:29

..., for I still had my emergency stashes of clothes around the city for just such an occasion (or a sudden lycanthropy attack). However, when I opened the nearest one, the super-moths came back for an encore. As I sat there bemoaning my fate and wondering what cruel deity so badly wanted me to stay stark naked for the entire remaining narrative, I heard a familiar voice ...

50 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 17:33

...It was reverend Paul, the pervert parrot who appeared to have taken a liking to my naked body.
"Do you believe now?" it squawked.
"I'm on a holy mission to deliver woman from their clothes in the name of the lord, and you have been chosen as my companion. Don't bother trying to find clothes, for the lord has spoken to me and you shall not wear clothes, not even the most skimpiest string for as long as it pleaseth the lord. Submit to the lord and refrain from clothing."
I had no idea what to say, this was too unreal but before I had time to even process all this, reverend Paul continued.
"And when you sleep at night, you shall not use a blanket but you shall lay on your back. And you shall raise your nipples up high, for it pleaseth the lord to watch upon them. hallelujah!!!"
...

51 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 18:08

...At this point the parrot got all stiff and pale, unable to control itself and nearly fell down square on its beak. Fortunately I was able to catch him timely. Reverend Paul was going into a trance and spoke with an unearthly voice:
"Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the four AM newsflash straight from seven's heaven! Praise the lord and I am your newsreader Ezekiel!"
As the heavenly radio jingle played I tried to shake the parrot out of it without much success, although I did manage to change the channel. This time a lone voice called out to me via reverend Paul, calling me by my name. I tried to talk back but was frozen to the ground, unable to move.
"I shall now call you Astarte!" the voice boomed,
"After my long lost wife, which I tragically lost when the Jews decided to become monotheistic. I hoped at least the Christians might give me some slack, even showing them all my son, I mean hellloooo! you need a wife for that, right? but nooooo, oh no, all they could come up with was some argument whether he was me, or whether he was like me. Anyway..."
The person speaking, I'm just supposing it was God, stopped ranting and addressed me again.
"Astarte, please go with reverend Paul, my new prophet, and visit Greece with him to help him with his holy work. When you go to heaven, I will make you my wife."
Reverend Paul regained his colour for a second, then lost it again in a flash.
"Yah, sorry for that, please don't forget to sleep on your back and without blanket, cuz I like to peek. Bye bye!"
The parrot looked at me with dreary eyes...

52 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5058 22:11

another thread that is no different from other emo threads.

53 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 16:06

... he mumbled. I didn't quite get what he meant, as I was stil not wearing so much as a single thread. Alas, I didn't have much time to reflect upon his strange utterance, for just at this moment I heard the sound of a car coming closer. There were no obvious ways of covering myself up, so I quickly ...

54 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 16:20

...had reverend Paul help for a change...

55 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 16:36

With enough strength, the human penis can shatter bone.

56 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 16:46

I had no idea why Paul was babbling so, or why there were no quotation marks around his speech, but I concentrated on the task at hand and spread the limp parrot's wings to cover my breasts as the car rushed by. It was driven by ...

57 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 20:22

...noone I particularly cared about. The sentiment was not mutual and the car swerved around and stopped next to me on the sidewalk. "Hey lady!...

58 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 22:30

...Snape Kills Dumbledore!" The driver shouted. This enraged me to no end, and I shouted "Nooo, bitch! You bitch!". The jerk drove off in a hurry and I was so angry that...

59 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 22:32

... I bribed a professor of chronodynamics at the local university to let me use his time machine, went back in time and persuaded Rowling's mother to have an abortion. However, when I got back to the present, I was startled to discover that ...

60 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5060 23:06

...Rowling's mother had given birth to a writer-daughter anyway, and Snape was still the murderer of Dumbledore. "Yup," the chronovendor professor cheered, "Despite popular perception, nothing you do in the past actually matters to the future. This is why I allowed you to go there in the first place! By the way, I like your outfit. Very lifelike! but it sounds like someone is choking"....

61 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5062 05:32

...As he finished his sentence, it dawn on him that it was HE who was choking, on a wad of pages from my copy of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" that I jammed down his throat. He blacked out quickly as pasty science fellows are prone to do, and I gave his crumpled body a good kick in the ribs. I took back the mint-condition, original line Star Wars action figures that I bribed him with and got the hell out of there. I wasn't sure what to do next, or what happened to that parrot, or the force-field dog eating dinosaur, or what I had originally forgotten at home: My...

62 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5062 09:55

...panties. But that wasn't so important now. At least, not if I was going to pay heed to that 'divine' message from just now. Astarte? who the hell gives such a gay name - it isn't American and doesn't sound Japanese either so can it even be real? Meanwhile reverend John should be having a severe conflict of faith. Doubling as my bra should be against his godly mission, but he seemed to be enjoying himself - hm, a bit too much to my taste actually. Or perhaps he just could not conceive of himself as a piece of exotic lingerie?...

63 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5064 13:37

...I decided to consult him on that so I grabbed his head and pulled him off of me. Right then someone behind me sulked "Oh my God, not another one of those PETA animal rights freaks again!..."

64 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5070 18:54

...At this point, dear readers, a little reflection is at place. Our protagonist set out this morning to her job, got into more unlikely predicaments before noon than the average 4-ch reader will ever experience in their whole life, and in the majority of these events she was stark naked or nearly so. In fact, nudity began to play a crucial role within the story. Fortunately, since she is approximately proportioned as the regular StarTrek main-cast bimbo bridge officer. Unfortunately, this written media fails to present her bodily assets as explicitly as most readers would wish for. (If not, wait till you actually see her.) Anyhow, lets not linger too much in this narrative perspective and get back to how this little story unfolds from now on...

65 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5070 22:02

...". The peta-stranger's unsolicited narration was extremely unwelcome after all I had been through today, so I smothered him with my firm, supple, C-cup breasts until he lost consciousness. With this nuisance out of the way, I tweaked my deep pink, erect nipples and went on my way. My long, flawless and recently waxed legs carried me the short distance to the bus stop, and I sat my round, tight buns on the curb next to the sign. A warm breeze once again called my attention to my nakedness as it passed by warm and wet vulva which had never known the love that only an Elitist could provide. Tossing my fiery-red hair out of my eyes and behind my neck, I saw the bus turn the corner drive down the street toward my stop. I stood and put one hand on my thick, child-bearing hips just below my narrow waist, and flagged down the bus with my other hand...

66 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5071 00:23

...Curiously, it stopped a hundred meters away. I saw the driver get from his seat and gesture wildly to the passengers, who promptly evacuated the vehicle as if stung by bees. I was surprised at this development, but even more surprised when the bus started to drive again, stopping right in front of me. The doors opened.
"Hi there, young lady!" called the driver to me,
"Unfortunately, the back of this bus is off limits to passengers. Just after I saw you, I just knew that there was a bomb in this bus, so I had to tell everyone to get out. If you know what I mean heh heh... But uh, since you really look like you need a ride, how about you come in and I'll take you to whereever you wanna go. You'll have to sit on my lap, so I'll make it free of charge."
He glanced at me, or I should say he looked at my body (Whenever people look at my naked body, its as if they don't take me serious as an intelligent woman anymore. Hello! I'm more than just a lovepuppet, will you sexist men finally accept that!)
"So uh, lets come inside, I mean, uh, please come inside. I'll guarantee a pleasant ride..."

67 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5071 15:03

"...to my apartment where I will date-rape you. Whoops, did I just say that outloud?" Just then, the bus spontaneously exploded. I was sure that creep lied about the bomb, but maybe it was just a coincidence that the vehicle actually was loaded with C-4, rigged to go off should it's speed drop under 50 miles an hour.
Yet I was unhurt by the detonation, thanks to a Force-Field Dog that just happened to pass between me and the bus at just the right moment. I knew all to well that this could not have been a mere coincidence. Someone out there was out to get me and/or Reverend Paul. Was the Force-Field Dog sent to protect me? I was unsure, but...

68 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5071 21:00

...Qwwabos (Time-Fiend) had surely sent FFD to my side at this time. I decided to make the most of the situation by putting on FFD's Saddle and Reins; whatever force was after Reverand Paul and I was about to face the wrath of the FFD-Cavalry.

However, after about an hour of indiscrimate violence from atop my Force-Field laden Dog-Mount, I came to the conclusion that...

69 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5072 06:18

...frosted butts...

70 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5072 09:57

... were not a majorly pressing concern at this moment. Rather, ...

71 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5072 11:10

...I began wondering why on earth I had put on FFD's Saddle and Reins. Reverend Paul seemed to be enjoying himself in the saddle, shouting orders around to all innocent bystanders (who by the way were very amused) but I'm not a family-woman. I care about myself and this situation was not in the best interest of my wellbeing...

72 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5073 00:18

...as a sexual predator. My full list of priors are a matter of public interest and, being in the nude, calling attention to myself in this matter was not wise. I unleashed my DINOSAUR, WHO EATS FORCE FIELD DOGS, and she promptly eviscerated the creature and then spontaneously exploded, as their type is trained to do. Reverend Paul soon calmed down...

73 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5073 00:47

...enough to have a daydream about his childhood. there she was, lovely sarah, for whom he would have done anything four. he played his violin violently staring from his window in the attic without lights and a long flight of lime green stairs leading to the roof. the sound of hooves reminded him of christmas but he refused to remove his gaze from her delicate body playing in the forest with fireflies and her newly formed breasts. it was dusk when the bow string broke bringing anger as he thrust it out the window breaking glass everywhere. count up to ten to calm down then walk down the stairs past mothers door quietly and grab the cake from the kitchen counter, wrap it, and place it in the satchel. she will love me....

74 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5073 02:48

...Suddenly the daydream was interrupted by a sudden shrill cry "HAGRID, FRED AND VOLDEMORT DIE! HARRY MARRIES GINNY AND HAS 3 CHILDREN!" - a gang of youth driving by had screamed, sending Reverend Paul into a frenzy. "Was this true?", "Did those fucking faggots just ruin Harry Potter for me?".

Suddenly the perspective of the story changed back to being 1st person from the main characters point of view...

75 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5073 10:54

...I felt a little sorry for the parrot, whose lucid daydreams at least told me he was very unknowledgeable about female parrots anatomy (no breasts), and now this. So I reassured him that if he would entertain various possible endings, the (maybe) spoiler would become one of many, and the ending would again be a surprise...

76 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5073 23:52

...End of Chapter 1.

77 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5074 03:04

...but the subsequent chapters could still always be spoiled. Suddenly, my Nudist Sense was tingling...

78 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5074 22:58

...or actually no, it was only my cellphone in silentmode, still hidden in the tight folds of my secret stash. I leaned innocently against a lamp-post on the crowded sidewalk and discreetly slid the phone out of my vagina to answer.
"Astarte here - I mean, I mean (Oh god what's happening to me?) its me, me! who's there?...

79 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5099 23:25

...suddenly, out of nowhere, a wild age appeared...

80 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5100 02:47

...I was stoked, bra. I was like the most awesome thing I ever saw. Big, wooden, robotic, and on fire, the knarly AGE was so rad I was stoked.

81 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5107 19:17

..."Well hello there, you fiery hunk!" I breathed in a voice more lusty than I would have wanted, but he was just so hot.
"Won't you come with me? I have a divine mission which is still very unclear to me, but it involves me convincing other people that nude is good."
The age leaned back and looked approvingly at my body. My breasts pointed right at him, and I followed their direction, adding some catch to my swinging hips.
"What do you say, you and I, I think we should find a place a bit more... secluded from I gasped a short breath from prying eyes?"
Walking forward slowly to him, showing off all that my beauty has in store, all that stirs mens hearts, one foot before the other, my strong and crude feminine desire stuck to the atmosphere and made him lean forward to me.

That's when I tripped over a parrots leg...

82 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5107 22:51

...and it fucking exploded, then decided that things exploding is really freaking awesome. So I forgot about the sexy hunk and invented a machine, called the "3xploderX". The "3xploderX" is extremely easy to use all you have to do is attach it to your shoe, it just clips on, then everything you step on will explode 10 seconds after the point in which it first touched. Then I found out one major flaw in the design of the "3xploderX". "The 3xploderX" couldn't...

83 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5108 19:43

...handle bananapeels. So as I went to do some rapid ignition damage to one of those slapstick comedy fruit-wrappers lying innocently on the street, my wonderful invention went dud. Meanwhile the home security department had confiscated the blueprints of my device on the grounds that it had not been properly tested. Currently, they're testing it on various labrodents to see if it could be dangerous to health. So that was the end of my escapade into explosive territory. Or so I thought, because I had barely turned my booty towards some new direction I wanted to walk at, when some random dude asked me if I wanted to star in something called "Ambitious Asshandling for America 53."
I saw no harm in that so...

84 Name: ⊂二二二( ^ω^)二二二⊃ : 1993-09-5109 22:51

(L^ิƒΦOิ)

85 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5147 04:09

...I asked to see the script. It was a well-conceived documentary on the difficult struggle of donkey-tamers to etch out a living despite the difficulties of doing so in post-war America. It seemed like such a wonderful project, until the casting agent oversold it by namedropping Sean Penn. Also, It contained far too much explicit sex for my taste. With one quick motion, I snapped the man's neck...

86 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5147 19:41

...but to my surprise his skull fell clean off of his shoulders! Impressed with my own strength I stared at his neck stump enigmatically. My deep thoughts were shattered as his chest gave a lurch as an entire dollar store's worth of candy shot into the air! I would have eaten it but...

87 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5148 03:33

...i was vampires. so i needs blood from her nekc but she wont give! it is sweet lemon? oh!...

88 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5148 16:36

...for a second there I forgot exactly why I've been so pissed off lately. See, I went to Yoshinoya the other day...

89 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5148 17:21

...and I could barely get in...

90 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5148 18:24

... because there was a crowd of vippers at the doorway, trying to get me to check out http://tanasinn.info/, their new wiki. After I paid them enough, they gave me an account, and reminded me that it is okay to want extra sauce, which I tried to order but...

91 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5148 19:01

...it costs extra and I was marked by the staff. That's OK though. Little did they know I was gonna level the whole place with some mega high explosives. Sometimes I just get these urges...

92 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5148 20:00

...to push grandmother down the stairs and lite her on fire and write swastikas on the walls. I have a responsibility to protect her from the terrible space secret, after all. By the way, do you have stairs in your house...

93 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5149 22:28

My body was tense. My cock, still coated in my own fruition, reminded me of an eel. She clamped her hands around my pulsating manhood, as if her hands were the shell of a clam, closing inward to protect the meat inside from harm. Her fingers wrap themselves on my climax-covered member. They kneeded themselves back and forth, slowly yet firmly. The way they were moving, so fluidly, covered in my juices, I might have mistaken them for small tentacles if I weren't fixated on them enough for it to be apparent that it was merely her hands, dutiful in their motion. Steadily, she grinded her limbs up and down, slowly at first, then growing faster and faster. Soon, it was as if the motion she was doing was not unlike that of a person thrusting a plunger into a backed-up toilet. My piece no longer seemed to resemble an eel, but rather, a gooey squid. A squid who's ink was closer to being pumped out of him every second. This squid might as well have been kalamari, for it was inside her, and was hers to do whatever she desired with. At this place, at this time, in this room, I was at her mercy...and I was loving every second of it.

94 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5150 02:15

...the waitresses looked on in disgust as I fantasized over my seafood dish, moving the pieces around in obscene configurations and talking to myself. The meal was expensive, and I would have eaten it all, except that...

95 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5151 02:15

...I realized was not actually seafood, but poultry. I then realized it was not poultry, but parrot. I then realized that it was not just parrot, but the medium-well remains of Reverend Paul. I then realized that while I was taking so long to realize all this, I had finished eating poor, poor Paul. I then realized that it wasn't Paul, but one of his four companions that had been butchered at KFC. I then realized that all meat was the same, and it was only my mind that this expensive dish with the tiny portions tasted better than heavily-breaded, greasy chicken slop. I then realized that the still-living Reverend Paul had made a nest in my hair and/or vagina. I then realized how sick I was of the word 'realized', so I stopped this narrative and went outside to have a smoke...

(₯ิ_₯ิ)‚Α-̾

...Then I came back and continued telling you my intriguing story. I then realized the nest was quite uncomfortable, so...

96 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5154 19:33

...I wanted to pull the plug. Then however it dawned on me (see how I'm avoiding the verb 'to realize'?) that if Reverend Paul was nesting in the well defined area of 'between my legs' it was unlikely that he'd try to hit on me. After all, making a nest on/in your own partnerparrot is very unteeming to any type of poultry. Raunchy as he always is, excluding me from his crowd of potential mates would be very relaxing for me when we would set out on our mission. Against this advantage I set three disadvantages:

1) Having my nest - er, pubic hair turned into a breeding birds domicile was both itchy and reduced my mobility if I were to respect Reverend Paul's property claims on the immediate area of my genitals. Especially, I feared that the unavoidable monthly 'problem' other women and I happen to have, would be percieved as an attempt to destroy his home. He might well take it to court. It would become even more unpleasant if Paul were to 'upgrade' to islam and find my period haram. I would really not like to be prosecuted for disrespect of other religions.
2) The location of the nest was well defined, but the ambiguity of how far it extended, especially inwards would become an intimate problem for me.
3) Most pressing, it would not be unlikely for the Reverend to sell out the nest to another bird as is common among real-estate developers these days. It would be mortgaged, on a risky rate, perhaps even subprime. Given the unhealthy American housing market, the risk of the new owner defaulting on his debt is significant once the bubble in that market really bursts. I really don't want my private area be taken as collateral by a bank - thank you very much! - because I hate large corporate moneylending entities. I really do.

...

97 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5155 03:00

...

The plebeian pubes of pubescent pleas peeled feeble fleas and peas and pebble fees. It was a under fridge? As is frighten...

98 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5157 09:12

...-ingly obvious and fearsome...

99 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5157 19:39

...-ly...

100 Name: ( ・∀・)  : 1993-09-5158 02:52

...-ness...

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