i wouldn't say that i'm shy but i just cant seem to keep a conversation going with a person i want to make friends with at school...maybe its the lack of social skills, i dunno, the friends i have already, i joke around lots of times about stuff we're all familiar with but with someone just new, i dont know what to say to get them into talking more...how can i start a conversation virtually with anyone and make it interesting so they'll be a friend?
ask questions that require a sentance answer, not just yes/no. then pick out a detail from their sentance and ask about it. dont just constantly ask questions but try and relate your experiences to theirs, ask opinions etc.
for example
you:"so what did you do over summer?"
them"oh i went backpacking in europe"
then you could ask something like "which countries in europe did you vist?" or "who did you go with?" or "what was your favourite place?"... theres plenty of options that appear just from such a short reply. then you can just follow on from there. so, if you'd ask which countries they visited, try to relate something you know about those countries. so if theyd been to paris then you could say "oh i hear that the champs ellyses is amazing all lit up at night, what did you think of it?" or ask what theyd recommend you to do if you ever went there etc.
thats only a brief example but the possibilities are pretty much endless. if you find the person is still answering those questions with one word yes/no answers then maybe they dont feel like talking at that moment (in which case dont push too hard at continuing the conversation) or they might just be shy, in which case you can carry on asking questions and hopefully the person will open up a bit and overcome their shyness :)
oh and also, dont feel you always have to agree with everything the person says. if youre talking about films and discussing favourites, dont just agree with what they say if its not what you think as well. you could even have a friendly debate (so you dont just say "oh god that films so shit how can you watch that crap") about films, that way you get to learn more about the person's tastes and so what they might be interested in talking about on other subjects
>>3, you must be the most superficial conversationalist i've ever heard of.
>>5
If you're afraid of being superficial in the beginning, it'll be harder to start conversations with new people.
>>5
well at least im out there conversing with new people, sifting through them to find out whether we do actually connect on a deeper level.
whats wrong with asking what somebody did over summer for example? if youre friend went away, you'd of course ask them how it was when they got back; why cant you ask such questions to somebody you want to know more about?
its quite easy.
"get naked?"
"yes"
then fuck her.
>>9
where do you go where you can just say something like that?
Technically, you could say something like that anywhere
the answer will usually be "no"
Don't be afraid to recycle a good conversational thread. Take other people's anecdotes and make them your own.
>>13
You know, if someone on a forum makes has a good story, retell it when you meet a new person, but make it your own story. If you and your friends have an interesting discussion, recycle it with another person. A stand-up comedian has a good joke? Steal it!
Remember, the important thing when havning a conversation isn't to be honest and 100% truthful, if the truth is boring. It's better to aim for being interesting, instead. Try to make it seem natural so the other person won't think you're just an NPC, retelling a tale everytime someone walks up to them and presses a button.
Conversations aren't about transmitting information. They are about two people bonding and this is done by sharing information, yes, but also feelings, views on the world and so on.. It's about making all of your personality shine through and helping the other person let their personality show.
I used to come across as a really interesting person when I had something smart to say, but I turned into a clam when I didn't have anything. What I did was I saw conversation mainly as a means of exchanging information. As a hardcore nerd I of course had a slight touch of Asperger syndrom and found it meaningless to just talk to people. Then I realised being social is a skill like any other and I decided to get good at it. Just go out and be social! Call up your close friends just to see if you can get a conversation going with nothing in particular to say. Talk to people all the time. Say something to the cashier, the person next to you in the elevator, next to you on the bus, about the weather or whatever. Ask someone about the time and follow it up with a little joke. Anything, no matter how lame, is better than nothing at all.
>>15
That's pretty cool, I never thought about it that way. Thanks for sharing.
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write this down and read it out loúd. yeah, right, say loud "fap fap fap.." thats who a conversationm goes.