This is somewhat of a split between IAA and Love & Romance, so excuse me for the somewhat different content for this forum...
Since a long time ago, I've enjoyed messing around with computers and hanging out online. I've been doing so since I was a tiny kid (read: 1 year old = playing with ResEdit on System 7).
Recently, I've become more and more attached to my computer and the Internet to the point I've become addicted, mainly because I've slowly drifted away from society not so long ago.
I loved a girl deeply and became attached to the point of dependence just to make my day survivable. She had no clue who I was and I built up my courage to tell her. Since my confession to her, she hasn't spoken to me. She blocks all email messages, all IMs, and I can hardly see her in real life anymore. She completely blocked me from ever communicating with her ever again. It turns out she already had a boyfriend.
It scarred me deeply to the point where I couldn't trust anyone or love anyone again. I was too scared that other people would exclude me from their lives again that I turned to the Internet and realized that escaping from real life via the Internet is fun but isn't as fun as I could be having if I actually started having friends again.
Since I began building up symptoms of Hikikomori (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori), I've become a slight ephebophile. Call me silly but even if I am 14, I have become sexually attracted to 12-13 year-olds. There's this girl I really really like, but she's twelve years old.
I'm frightened to even speak to her. I think I've become somewhat of a stalker since I've spent countless afternoons hanging out to spy on her and her friends. I'm scaring myself with this behavior, but I can't control myself.
Not only is it very frightening to even think of confessing to her at all, but the fact that she's younger and her reaction to all of this really scares my thoughts. I don't know what to do... Sometimes I just lie in my closet alone crying because I feel lonely and I don't want guys as friends but girls, since guys around here typically don't give a damn about anything.
I need someone to love me since no one around here seems to understand me at all.