How does he feel?
>>268
How was the relationship in the early days? Did you have deep conversations with him, was it filled a lot of passion? Basically, why did you fall in love with him in the first place?
Sorry, I maybe misunderstanding you. Do you mean how does my friend feel?
Actually he's very nice to me, so does to everyone. But somehow, maybe it's only my imagination, I feel that we talk more deeply than he would to other people. We can sit and talk forever non-stop on many things. I feel there is something between us, more than friends, less than lovers.
As for my bf, we are just like normal couples in which I live with him over the weekends. We live like a married couple, but talk less. We do our own things separately, but occationally we go out together and enjoyed the time we spend together. It's like a habit to be with my bf, though I realized I never really understand him.
10 years huh? You're long past the "Infatuation and Attraction" stage of relationships and have naturally entered the "Uncertainty " stage. Heres what my relligion teacher, a certifiable expert on this kind of thing, had to say about this step:
From what I can tell, your relationship is a mixture between exclusivity and uncertainty, and definitely prior to intimacy.
You, as a woman, are naturally worried about where the relationship is going, where as it sounds like your bf is a typical guy who's only interested in the what he gets out of the relationship. I'm not dogging on either sex, this is all a very natural process. In this stage of the relationship, you will both make mistakes and your uncertainty is most certianly a result of one of them. Sounds like hes put down his guard over the years and doesn't do the little things that you probably found made him attractive. You almost seem to take each other for granted, which is unfortunately not uncommon.
This line from this book we used by the same religion teacher (it was a huge section on the nature of relationships): "Men tend to stop listenting to their partners and women tend to stop asking questions and may become restentful", seems to sum of some of your problems.
Onto the relationshp involving more than one guy, it really depends on where you want to be. If you aren't exclusive, there is nothing wrong with dating more than one guy, but if you are exclusive then it is difficult to maintain a relationship between those two. The most important thing between both you and your bf is to not cheat, and at this point he might consider this cheating even if you don't.
My advice: if you've been with your original bf for ten years, keep it up. You are a victim of mutual attraction from another guy who is fresher to you, thats natural but keep in mind it can hurt your bf. Communication is the key, talk with him and ask him what he thinks about the nature of your relationship. Don't worry about your confusion, that is the natural order of things and if you talk it out I guarantee your stress will be relieved quite a bit.
Correct me if I'm over-analyzing and please don't get angry with me, this is only friendly advice from a guy who doesn't know jack about relationships but was educated by a guy who knows more on the subject than any other man I've met.
It's like love at first sight when I first met my bf. We met thru internet as friends, and later on went out for the first date. It was then we start dating naturally. I don't even know why I fell in love with him in the first place, it just happened. We have same hobby, same interests. I like the way he showed me a different world, broadened my view, and guided me when I needed advises.
Basically he is my first serious relationship. I had other puppy loves before, but he's the first serious one. It was during my high school days when I met him. For all those years in school, he's the only guy I see. Basically because I think I'm so deeply in love with him, I'm willing to take up all my time possible to be with him. I can see no one else but him. And because of that, I basically had no socially life other than the time spent in school.
Later when I met more people, I realized there's more than just a bf. I started to meet more friends, and there had been times when he realized I was interested in another guy. We ran into a big fight which nearly costed our relationship. We managed to put it together again and continue our relationship.
However, we start having arguments more often. Usually I'm being a whimp who just takes all his temper and say nothing, that it's all my fault, begging him to forgive me and give me another chance. But lately, I found I can't continue like that. I wanted to voice out. It's not always my fault. He has to take responsibility as well (obviously I didn't say that). It was kinda stressed at that time, but at least it's over now.
We did talk about planning for the future. However, I have my family to support, and he doesn't. At the current stage, I cannot affort to support both my family and the two of us. Also he's not ready to meet my family yet, after so many years. I started to feel that we have no future. And as I meet more people, I also started to feel that I can have a better life and relationship without him. But as we've been together for so many years, I treasure the time we spend together. I do not want to make a wrong move.
We hardly have any deep conversations, except for the recent time we analyse our plan for future. He doesn't want to take up responsibility, and always say I think too much. I mentioned to him that I wanted to plan for the future, and his excuse is either that we have no future, or I can leave if I don't like it.
Sigh...why am I still staying with him? It's like addicted to drugs, can't quit.
Thank you very much for your analysis and advise. It's a relief to hear that it's normal to feel uncertain at this point. I've been hearing from many friends that ten years is a whole lot of time, and I should treasure this relationship.
In comparison, I'm always like a kid in front of my bf, always being taken care of. Yet when I talk with my friend, I feel like a woman, or a grown up, that I would be taking care of others. It's the feeling between needing and being needed.
When I'm with my friend, I feel that I'm being respected as a person with unique idea. I'm being listened and understood.
With my bf, usually he doesn't like to listen to me. Just like what you have quoted from your teacher. I do ask questions sometime, but his response is "Don't ask. Just do it." One thing I'm most inspired with my bf is that somehow he's always right. Eventhough I may not understand or agree with in the first place, he turns out to be correct.
I guess it's now into the questions of why do I love someone and what is love? Or is there no answer to this question and I'm just over reacting?
Ah, so you're the type that let's her man think for her. Are you doing anything else but house work?
I'm working. Plus we only see each other 2 days a week.
>>262 Well, I saw SAS a couple times yesterday but the one time she actually saw me, she was with her friends and I felt like she was avoiding me. :(
>>277
she is probably still shocked, give it a few days, and if she doesn't come up to you, you need to go to her.
Just thought I'd post my own minor success...
Got a girl to agree and study with me, but with two minor annoyances:
Hopefully it goes fine, but I dunno.
I'm kind of annoyed that the friend is coming and that I have to wake up at 8am if I want to eat breakfast and all that... There's my rant. :)
>>277
Radio, don't worry! She can't just come and talk with you when her friends are around. I've talked with my girlfriend and she told me that it's true.
She may need some time, but I can tell you one thing: everyone likes to hear that someone loves him. It's a nice thing to hear. Even if you don't feel anything for a person, these words are like a tiny sparks that warms up your heart.
Just wait for a good time, especially when she'll be ALONE and try to talk with her. Not about the feelings, but about anything. I think that she had some time to think about everything and even if you start a normal chat, sooner or later she'll just tell you about her feelings. Probably she is dying to give you the answer (either yes or no), but you need a good place and ANY excuse to talk.
We are crossing our fingers. I'm leaving town for 2 days, but will try to check your progress asap. If you'll have any problems or new info, just let us know ^_^.
We are crossing our fingers for you.
Whatever happens Radio, you did great. I have my fingers crossed for you too! And keep your head up high! keep us posted!
DETAILS REQUESTED!!! （＾∀＾）☆☆☆！！！！
radio, dont worry i think you should just give her some time.
Radio, I just started reading your situation so I may not have a complete idea of what is going on. However, I do know that patience is the key. Just give her time to recollect her thoughts and the time will come when she'll give you the answer. Don't rush her. Anyways, I'm hoping for the best!
>_>
This won't work.
Damn, Radio.
This is a bad situation... I think the best move is to tell your friends to leave you the fuck alone for a bit and go talk to SAS. Thats what I think, at least...
Maybe she goes to 4-ch too!?
I am sorry Radio Otoko...but maybe she is not as sweet as she seemed. It is often that a person's true nature is revealed after this sort of thing. I am not suggesting to give up, but maybe treat her as she treats you.
radio,
i was afraid this was going to happen. 80% of the time, a premature confession freaks out the girl. the shock and the gravity of the confession scare girls. but have faith, try to follow up on this. first of all tell your friend to give you space, also tell the kid (aka the douchebag) to fuck off, he already ruined your plans, he will probably make things worse.
dont worry man, things always work out in the end
>>289 She doesn't go on 4-ch... that is, I don't think she does. >_>
I think I've found out what his plan is. And it's very clever.. IF you want to destroy someone's relationship. There is a Valentine's Day card trading thing at school. The cards will be delivered to people who are recipients on Valentine's Day.
What if that douchebag sends one under my name and classroom and writes nonsense? Do I sue him for identity theft? And most of all, what happens if this happens and she doesn't believe that it isn't me?
Goddamnit.
you don't sue him for identity theft, you beat the shit out of him.
>>292
rofl, ive done that before, and im doing it this valentines day to some douchebag (not for a girl), TWICE.....
dude, odds are, your handwriting wont be the same, also, she'll know its not you...considering, you just confessed like, 2 minutes ago. just be like, yeah, it wasnt me man...in a more, sincere way of course....
get her alone and try and clear things up. Have faith, but...a girl I confessed to turn cold towards me too. much the same way with SAS. In some ways, i think it's her way of helping me get over her and plus things do get awkward after something like this and if she doesn't love you back. However, it's good you confessed early as sooner or later, it'd explode. betters ooner than later.
I think most girls turn cold towards people they do not like. It's almost like a natural instinct. To me, it seems that they just move away and run from this fact because they don't want to deal with this uncomfortable situation. If your friends are always following you, why dont you tip them in on the situation so they can help you get some alone time with SAS?
>>292
Send her your own valentine, marked with a fingerprint?
Wire yourself up with a hidden recorder and confront him?
>>298 My first name has a spelling distinction from all the other ways of spelling my name. Mine is the most uncommon. Therefore, if the guy misspelled my name, I've got something to use against him.
Besides she has the same problem as I do (when it comes to names), so I wouldn't be surprised if she understood.
Radio, just get rid of your friends and talk with her!!! I told you that if you'll try to talk with her, she'll tell you what she feels. Come on! It shouldn't be that hard and it'll really help you. You won't be so confused after that cuz it'll all get clear. If she'll dump you, take it as a man, and if she'l laccept you, just be happy and don't care about idiots. I just came back home and I had to read about your problems. So tell your friends to just get lost even without giving them reasons and go talk with her. If you have enough feelings for her, you should do it. I'm counting on you.
radio i hope it works out!!
Make sure you talk to her before Valentine's day, and then you'll have the upper hand over the other guy no matter what he's planning. It won't look good if he tries something while you're still not talking.
don't give up!
Actually, the cards are given on the same day as they are sent. So I don't know if she got it yet or not.
hey hey hey...
RADIO! We need some new info!
I have nothing to report. orz
This is the second time I've confessed to a girl and haven't ever heard from her since. Way to fail. :(
whenever you fall off the horse you just get back on.
Try to TALK with her! You went through a lot. Don't just give up!
I don't know how many times I have to say it~~
is she still avoiding you?
Hmm.. Tommorow is Valentines Day... The best time to go TALK TO SAS! C'mon Radio... Just say 2 letters. H and I. Then, let her respond... or something.
>>311 It's more than two letters in French. Actually, I might not even be able to see her much at all due to something I mentioned a while ago... We have to go to the university in the afternoon so I won't be there when I'd regularly see her. :(
Oh well, happy Singles' Awareness Day to all.
awww :( so what do you plan to do now Radio?
I suspect she's actually taken. From what I've heard, the MVP from our school's basketball team is dating her. If anything, going any further would get me beaten down by the basketball team.
I just think I'll remain an acquaintance from now on and bump into her randomly once in a while. I don't think this will go anywhere, but I can stay strong and move on (yet again)...
Well..at least you can honestly tell yourself that you tried. It's better than not having done anything at all and wondering what would've happened if you did.
yeah, radio, seriously i once let a girl go, and man i regret it to this day. i still dont know if she was taken or not, but man i really wished i had the balls to asked.
There are no successes and failures. There are only successes and experiences. So just go on, and maybe try to talk with her one day.
and she didn't say anything to you about the fact she's going out with someone even after you confessed?
Well, she didn't go through with it. She dumped me yesterday. No shit off my ass...
Damn! Why is it so hard to talk with girls nowadays? Specially pretty ones! Sometimes its like I have a huge tag on my head that informs them that I'm a level 4 to their level 1. HOw do you talk with someone that already assumes that you've got nothing to offer? In case you're wondering about the levels...
Level 1 - Attractive and wealthy.
Level 2 - Attractive but not wealthy.
Level 3 - Not Attractive but wealthy.
Level 4 - Neither attractive nor wealthy. But has some sort of talent or skill.
Level 5 - Neither attractive nor wealthy. Can't do shit exeptionally well.
HOnest to god, some girls (the pretty ones) I knew rated people this way! It's just sad that they didn't factor, you know, basic human qualities like kindness, understanding and such...
There are no successes and failures. There are only failures and lesser failures!
Level 2 and 3 would be reversed in the past... still might/should be reversed.
just gotta level yourself up by gaining more experience points and gil
>>321
You sound like the gods bigest failure.
I don't ever feel like failing. I just have experiences. I'm trying to learn and be better each time. That makes me winner every time.
>>320
sounds like i got a big number 5 on my forehead, girls just ignore me these days
There is no number for me ><. I'm a bit attractive, not wealthy, good with computers and anime related stuff. Never had problems with girls though >.>
Anyone notice in >>320 when I typed the sentence: "HOnest to god, some girls (the pretty ones)I knew rated people this way!"
I typed the "HO" in the word honest in all caps? Which would exactly describe these girls I meant. Is that some sort of Freudian slip or somthing?
CONFIDENCE is the answer. You can be only mildly attractive and not at all wealthy if you have confidence. Girls want to know that you can protect them, and care for them. Moping about how girls don't like you all day is only showing me that you have no confidence.
On the other hand, be a genuinely nice guy for a long time and you may find that perfect girl too, but you still have to be a little confident.
This is why we dont have girlfriends. =p
>>329
But according to this, hot asian chicks should be all over me unless a bix nood intervenes! However, this is not the case. What am I doing wrong?
stop trying to be asian
ちんちんみてまんまんおっき
anyone ever tried hypnotherapy to get over someone?
BE A MAN HULK, do it the hard way. You know, hard liquor.
tried that. didn't work. hard, soft, fruity. nothing :(
I'm not visiting this place that often anymore from the time when Radio Otoko gave up on SAS :(. It makes me feel sad...
nothing new, Radio?
this thread seems dead
God all of you sad people talking about girls. Look at it this way: You don't have to prove a damn thing to these women, but they have to prove they are good enough for you. REAL women worth having don't want some wishy washy nice guy. They want someone capable of being an extreme asshole without being creepy about it. This way they know exactly what they are getting and will be able to live with it.
Case in point. If you like a girl, if you think "Hey, not bad. Why not, hell I ain't got nothing better to do" Then go up...say "Hey My name is so and so, what's your name?" Then when she tells you her name say something like "cool, hey yer pretty cute you know that. Anyways, see you around, k?" Then the next time you see her just talk to her the same way you'd talk to a you haven't seen for a while. Then if you still kind of like her(you know she isn't too flaky or lame.) Say "Hey you doing anything later?" If she says no(She might claim to have a boyfriend or something, this could be a lie as all women are equipped with creep filters) say "you sure? Ok. Well, maybe next time." WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT. DO NOT BEG OR PLEAD OR WHINE. The NEXT TIME you see her, try it again. She will most likely say yes this time.
Also LEARN HOW TO PLAY THE FIELD. These 18 year olds are usually stupid and love drama games. Try someone a little older and a little more desperate. Like 29. RECENT DIVORCEES ARE SOFT TARGETS. CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION: Unless you like recent divorcees after being with them for a while watch out because they love drama and have crazy homocidal ex's. The benefit is that most of them have jobs and are looking for adventure. Another downside is kids. They may want you to be a replacement father. BEWARE.
Finally, LEARN TO PICK UP REBOUNDS. Good ol' sloppy seconds.
Let me put it this way, America never won a war by being a nice ass. We bombed, nuked, slaughtered, raped and pillaged to win most of our wars and all of our battles. NICE GUYS FINISH LAST FOR A REASON. This is because women want a guy who will grab a shotgun and go after a burglar if there is a break in or beat the ever living fuck out of someone who calls her fat ass.
I hope my rambling helps someone out.
>>338 wins the thread.
SIGNED
Hah. This chick pretty much picks me up at a night club, asks for my number in 10 minutes, and texts me the very next day offering to meet up, saying she's free anytime. Then she hasn't written back for a day. How weird is that?
I tried to pick up a older girl (23ish, if that gives anyone a hint to my age...) at Barnes and Noble...
She punched me in the stomach and told me to go away. Am I a complete freak?
She literally punched you in the stomach? Ouch....What kind of clothing were you wearing, what do you look like? Details!!
Barnes and Noble 'study sessions'... good times
>>345
You probably did it wrong. If you had a bunch of manga, girly books, or something in your hand then I would probably punch you too for being creepy if I was a girl.
Plus some of these women DO want to be left the hell alone.
It is all in picking your fights. Planning your attacks.
If she had her nose in a book or had this "I'm here to look at books don't bother me" aura about her then...well..FAIL.
If a girl is sitting alone, by herself and looking out the window and thinking to herself "...oh god another year alone." Then you should come up and say something that doesn't sound like a come on. Like "Hey what's on your mind" or something. Just DON'T SOUND CREEPY. PICK YOUR TARGETS. It is like this. Pretend that you are a Marine Force Recon unit and you are cut off from supply. You are on your own and you have to have your wits about. Are you going to rush in on a heavily fortified well defended bunker? NO! That's STUPID! HOWEVER, if it was a lightly defended and isolated relay post or it was a bunch of lonely, scared and inexperienced conscript soldiers then BY ALL MEANS GO FOR IT!
Why is this so hard to understand? Women are not some unattainable thing. They are not goddesses, princesses, or queens. They are closet whores and normal people with breasts. They want what you want. Security, companionship, and the benefits of income. Only they expect YOU to provide it.
What you might want to do is hire a mercenary. You know a guy who can tag the ass and can talk you up for a girl. Just remember, he handles TACTICS. REAR END SUPPORT...this is YOUR FIGHT you gotta DO IT.
WOMEN!! KICK THEIR ASS!(Relationship and courtship wise, don't really kick their ass you will go to jail and be someone ELSE's target of opportunity)
>>348 you sound like a sane person!
I'm sure if I punched a girl because she tried to ask me out I would be convicted of assault instantly.
There is a double standard in the world get used to it.
Like in Domestic Violence the man always goes to jail.
Romance is dead and TV killed it.
>>349
In this world, it's automatically assumed that most guys are more perverted, creepier and have more power, both physical and social, than females. I've been told that the correct way of translating a unwanted guy hitting on a girl to a male situation, isn't by just reverising gender, but by a gay guy hitting on a straight guy. And unfortunately, I'd have to agree.
>>351
Ehrm, not justifying >>348's actions, merely stating why they're unfortunately understandable. I do not approve of people beating up someone who is asking them out, unless they're threatening that person's safetly. For instance, someone who doesn't take no for an answer and keeps following you like a hawk. Potentially getting rape or stalked is not good. Though the best option would be to call the police.
>>346
I was wearing an A-kon 16 t-shirt. As for what I look like...something like Densha Otoko except a taller, more overweight version. I didn't even really say anything too creepy......<< >>
what did you say?
was the imperial march playing at that time?
but seriously dude wtf. what a bitch she was.
>I was wearing an A-kon 16 t-shirt.
Herein lies the root of your failure. Was there an anime character on this shirt? When you wear it you are a freak to anyone who doesn't like or doesn't know about anime. A tall, overweight guy in an anime shirt is going to set of female nerd alarms in a 100 meter radius.
Oh, bloody hell, I just found an image of that shirt. http://homepage.mac.com/gihdora/A-Kon/PhotoAlbum71.html
Anyone else care to weigh in?
Dammit man. That was your first fatal mistake. Shirts like that will only attract overweight creepy fangirls who are so damn wapanese that it makes even the most hard core "otaku" cringe.
If you want a NORMAL girl, dress like a NORMAL person. THIS IS NOT HARD. t-shirt(NORMAL...no goddamn anime, smart ass slogans or anything...just a NORMAL shirt for a NORMAL person), jeans, shoes, and maybe a coat if it is warm. Being a little fat ass is ok for males. As long as you have a job, income, or can get a job before she finds out you are a bum THEN YOU ARE GOLDEN. Also if your hair is shaggy and nappy GET A HAIRCUT! You do NOT have to be a body nazi adonis to attract a woman. You can still be SOMEWHAT fat ass and get a decent girl as long as you are CLEAN. CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN. No dandruff, no foul smell, no messy clothes and CONTROL YOUR SWEAT AND BODY ODOR. THIS IS KEY.
"But mr. crazy man on the internet" you might say..."I still like this stupid shit, but I don't want to die a virgin. WHAT DO I DO!?" SIMPLE!!! slowly EEEAAAAAAASSEEEE her into your actual creepiness SLLLOOOOOOOWWWWLLLLYYYYY reveal it like it is something deep and that she didn't know about before. Women like a little bit of drama and mystery and by the time you are in an actual relationship with her she will already be nesting and will just put up with it like so many sad, sad, desperate women in the world who are trapped in crappy marriages/relationships. Let me put it this way. Dress up now so you can dress WAY DOWN and freely engage in flatulence around her later.
So in summary. Wear some NORMAL clothes next time, DON'T TALK ABOUT GEEK SHIT until you are actually in an actual relationship with a girl, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE for the love of god DON'T SCREW IT UP NEXT TIME! Gawd...how hard is this...
and then you show her this message board and she and her brother gets mad at you. then she reads this board and realizes how much she means to you and you both get on a train and fly off to happiness as we cheer you on.
People overreact too much.
Every guy is not a god damn rapist.
You do not have a right to assault someone just because they offend you. You do not have a right to not be offended.
How the hell can you be offended by someone asking you out or trying to talk to you? That is a complement! Also, if a guy complements you it doesn't mean that he is automatically trying to get into your pants!
Maybe if women stopped trying to play the role of a victim when it suits them the world would be a better place. We could certainly do without the Lifetime movies.
>>355
Lol, yeah. I think I did hear the imperial march in the background.
Shit, forgot to take the "sage" out of the link field.
（ ＾ω＾） yay replyGET
Wonder why I'm still paranoid about this... Probably because age=years without(ry
this is my first post ever. firstly i cant belive radio is got snaked, also what happened to 207. details requested!!!
my own rant is, that i'v been seeing this girl for like 2 months and it doesnt seam to be going anywhere. she always says that she dosnt want a bf right now, this is because at the time we met she got just broke up with her ex which she was dating for 6 months.
we like each other and are pretty close, but i want it to be more then that, should i wait longer or go for another girl (not that i have another lined up)???
Go for another one, I guess she isn't interested in you. Tell her to make a choice if you want to search for another one.
>>364 yeah but at least with her i got something, i figure its better to have someone then to have no one?
depends. I rather have no love than unrequited love. I would VERY much rather have that.
I disagree. I have a ex-girlfriend that still loves me, I'd much rather want her finally getting over me than to continue to hurt someone in the end I don't really love.