help! (21)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-22 20:13 ID:a66nsYQD

Hello,
My name is Joseph and I'm a college student living in Florida. Recently my girlfriend of 4 months hasn't been herself. Recently her sister has moved to Japan, her hometown hit by Hurricane Wilma and her mother broke her hip. She had mentioned after we met that she had suffered episodes of depression in 6th 8th and 10th grades and warned me but I didn’t care I loved her and that’s all that mattered to me. This last Tuesday she came to me and said she was breaking up with me which came as a shock but I persuaded her to still be friends with me and it was hard just to end it especially since we weren’t having any real problems. Wednesday night she wasn’t feeling well so I took her to the student health center Thursday morning they diagnosed her with depression and put her on medication. She didn’t tell me what they gave her until I took her to get it filled and then she burst into tears and told me that and she was afraid I would hate her. I told her I didn’t and that we can work through anything together. I left her Thursday night back at her room and she was going to speak with her parents but she seemed a bit happier. I met her today for lunch and she was almost like whining and couldn’t stop crying. After walking with her for an hour trying to get her to clam down and find out what was wrong I took her to the Counseling center and scheduled an emergency appointment with her psychiatrist because she was shaking and I was scared and didn’t know what to do. I waited and they called me in and the psychiatrist said my girlfriend had something to tell me and then she told me that seeing me made her sad and when ever I tried to make her laugh she would just cry. The Psychiatrist told me that it would be best for her if I had no contact with her and left her alone. And that is where I am a great relationship down to this in a week. I’m not sure what to think. Is it me? Is the psychiatrist nuts? My girlfriend didn’t seem happy to tell me what she did. I just said well if that’s what needs to be done then I love her enough to do that I kissed her on the forehead and left. That’s where I am now and I’m trying to learn all I can about depression. Sprry if I rambled.

2 Name: RedMuppet : 2006-05-22 22:40 ID:Heaven

Sorry to hear this my friend. Not much I can give by way of advice but to hope that it works in the end.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-22 23:01 ID:txoUx0cg

Listen to the doctor, if you love her you would do what is best for her.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-23 01:58 ID:Heaven

I agree with 3

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-23 03:27 ID:Heaven

The doctor wants her for himself. Kill the doctor and unfoil his plan to destroy the world with the doomsday machine he's built in his basement

6 Name: Admirable Secret!3pI2s8EqCA : 2006-05-23 04:57 ID:UFZMEW8/

No, no, no, no no.

I have to say this: her psychiatrist is a fucking MORON. He is more likely than not a therapist or a psychologist than a Ph.D, because the advice he is giving is a quick-fix that does not truly solve her problem. I imagine that, having perscribed medicine for her, he DOES have a medical degree, but his methods are shoddy at best.

What he's essentially recommending to her is that she avoid the source of her troubles and rather than confront her problems head-on, she should pretend like they don't exist. That is about as unhealthy a recommendation as any I have ever heard.

Whether or not she should see you should be HER decision, not yours, and not her psychiatrist's. Therefore, perhaps she has made that decision and is SAYING that it was her doctor's idea in order to justify it. That is, unfortunately, her perogative if that's the case.

However, you should bear in mind that depression should NOT be treated passively. The source of depression MUST be approached proactively, or the person will inevitably end up feeling more helpless than ever, thus beginning a cycle of depression rather than a cure.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-23 06:34 ID:GPwia779

<<1 I don't have any advice but I hope things work out.

8 Name: Doku Otoko : 2006-05-23 06:55 ID:Jpjh9p4g

I really don't know but what I would do it act in the way in which you think is best for her and will make her the happiest.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-23 07:31 ID:Sj/LrM+a

Oh my god Drama on love and romance.

First of all you are an asshole for letting her go to a quack and take those happy pills. Take her out for some song, some dance, and maybe some Batman's head on a lance.

If she's that depressed tell her that at least she's not some skinny bitch in Africa dying of AIDS or some asshole in Fuckyoustan getting hit with car bombs.

Then make sweet love to her.

PS I'm dead fucking serious.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-23 16:50 ID:Heaven

Maybe you should get her to try another psychologist, to get a second opinion?

I hope it all works out for you, man.

11 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-05-23 18:54 ID:uJVEBBJS

Ok, if she really said that, leave it alone. Write her encouraging letters every now and then if possible. Breaking all contact with someone you've known for a long time is also traumatic.

Both >>6 and >>9 have a clear point: you have to be stronger and confront her. Don't be afraid of losing your relationship. That's the least you will lose if things go well. The worst is that she can commit suicide. (Depression for a long time does that.) Face the facts: right now she's not your girlfriend. She can't think.

However, there is one thing that stops people from suicide and that's having a deep connection with someone. If she really feels needed by you, and she also needs you, at least suicide will not be an outcome. Since I don't know how close you both are, I can't tell if she feels that way. BUT IF YOU break all and any contact, you could be permanently breaking that very bond that existed between you two.

Make her explain everything to you: what makes her upset, what's on her mind, what are her fears, EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING ON. Then, you, with your critical thinking will tell her "I feel you. It's alright. I'll be here and I want to share your pain". DO NOT come with your "critical thinking" as >>9 fucking said, cuz that will ruin it for her. Sex is also a NO-NO. She could be temporarily fine, then get into a WORSE RELAPSE. (meaning depression could kick in stronger.)

12 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-05-23 19:12 ID:uJVEBBJS

By "critical thinking" I meant, do not rationalize the problem and do not compare with problems other people are having. People may be dying around the world, but she doensn't really needs to hear that right now. I also missed a little thing I may need to clear up: everything that's going on WITH HER.

It's very hard to deal with depressive people because people vary greatly. Each person needs a certain treatment, and only the ones that know the person best can do it. This is a chance to prove yourself to her. One day, this could be a miraculous story to tell your children.

As for medicament, while it helps, it does not bring natural homeostasis to the body. I dislike drugs that mess up with one's brain, but the doctor knows what he/she's prescribing. I'm not sure about this but antioxidants like vitamin-E (which are liposoluble and go to the brain) could help. Antioxidants help the body overall, and get rid of toxic metabolites from stress.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-23 19:35 ID:XoWRPIwy

what if you are inavertinly causing stress for her? maybe that's why the psychiatrist wants her to be by herself for a while.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-23 19:43 ID:UFZMEW8/

>>11, >>12: I see what you did there.

15 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-05-23 19:56 ID:uJVEBBJS

That's why in the first line of >>11 i said:

>Ok, if she really said that, leave it alone. Write her encouraging letters every now and then if possible. Breaking all contact with someone you've known for a long time is also traumatic.

So I wouldn't recommend cutting all contact but if that's what she wants then it's fine. If that's the case, move on with life and get another girlfriend that's not depressive. If it was me (and if I was the source of her depression), i would have pity for myself for having a depressive gf and go get a sexy happy one. I like women who laugh and I can't stand a crying woman.

16 Name: 3 : 2006-05-23 20:32 ID:y67pKxII

just listen to the doctor who has 8 years of schooling. it wouldn't hurt to get a second opinion, but for the love of god do not listen to this thread.

17 Name: Mireille guy : 2006-05-24 03:21 ID:uJVEBBJS

to >>1 (and everyone who read in this board):
believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if i have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. --Buddha
>>16,
I always question things, but that's not to discard the doctor's authority. I've had bad experiences (and friends/relatives as well) with healthcare in the US, and I dare say they are incompetent at least. Besides, I'm usually confident I can understand something enough to learn it and do it. I never follow a doctor's advice unless 1. he's my father (he's a general surgeon), or 2. I understand completely the reasoning behind it. Take everything I say only as a humble opinion.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-24 04:55 ID:GPwia779

>>17 hey thats a cool quote from Buddha

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-24 05:00 ID:AurvHGEw

> I took her to get it filled and then she burst into tears and told me that and she was afraid I would hate her.
> she told me that seeing me made her sad and when ever I tried to make her laugh she would just cry.

Hmmm. Some speculation:

  • She's afraid of losing you. The psychiatrist may have constructed this situation to confront that fear.
  • She feels guilty for holding you back, putting some sort of damper on your life, or not being a better girlfriend. That probably isn't true from your POV, but it seems typical of the pessimism a depressed person would feel. Words won't do much to change their mind in this situation. Kind gestures and reassuring comments just increase the guilt they feel. You're having to make an effort to be cheerful, so it's obvious the negative attitude is making you feel bad, too, but there's nothing they can do to fix it because they feel so helpless.
> Write her encouraging letters every now and then if possible.

Might be a good idea. Indirect contact doesn't hurt the same way, and it's a nice reminder that you haven't forgotten about her.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-24 06:13 ID:wrV21QhA

You are an asshole for letting her go see a bigger asshole who will get her labeled a loony and medicated.

She is an asshole for not being able to govern her soul.

Oh my fucking god her life is soooo horrible.

not.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2006-05-24 12:24 ID:WVuVJXUn

She's screwed up in the head right now. You may think you have something special but she can probably very well act sweet and charming to someone else.

This is not your time to be together.

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